Doug Zeigler looks at the “hilariously stereotypical” images of masculinity, compared to what is happening in 2013. And he likes what he sees.
—-
Some of the more iconic images of masculinity that come to my mind are hilariously stereotypical. Clint Eastwood as Dirty Harry. Arnold as (insert any of his action movie character names here). George S. Patton. Frank Sinatra. Mickey Mantle. Michael Jordan. Teddy Roosevelt. The towel-wearing dude from the Old Spice commercials. Lumberjacks. Firemen and policemen. Don Draper. And of course, this guy.
What do all those men have in common? They’re all virile, chance-be-damned, confident, Type-A personalities.
The old-school version of masculinity for most of my life has been linear. Act tough, exude confidence and never waiver. Face fear in the eye. Be intense. Look physically imposing. Say quips when all looks lost (“Yippee-kay-yay, motherfucker!”). Get through difficult situations by sheer force of will. Succeed against all odds. Be a man!
Thing is, being a man now is not at all a straight line. Men these days are expected, rightfully so, to split household duties. We are actively involved in our kids’ lives. We share our feelings and thoughts with our spouses. Imagine Frank Sinatra, for example, being told by his wife to do dishes? How about telling Michael Jordan to ease up on the criticism on his son and listen to his needs? I certainly can’t see either of those happening. Because they seem like things wimpy men would do.
♦◊♦
Which raises the question: What is masculinity in 2013? Can it even be defined?
The old archetype of what it means to be a man has evolved drastically in the last 50 years. A Gallup poll in 2012 found that only 14 percent of married women with kids were stay-at-home moms. That means keeping a house running involves us guys pitching in and doing our part. It’s no longer possible to come home and plunk your ass on a recliner like Ward Cleaver and expect your wife to bring you a martini and have dinner ready. More than ever men and women have to be a team. By and large, the image of masculinity is that of the lone wolf, doing it all on his own and saving the day. I can just imagine telling my wife that “I’m the man of the house; and you’re the woman. Know your role.” She’d chuckle incredulously, then say, “Here, MAN…go clean the toilet.” And I would!
I really do love being part of the fabric of our house and our lives. Jill and I are intertwined in making sure our kids are cared for and our house is in order…well, as much in order as it can be with 4 kids. I wash and fold clothes because she hates doing that and she does dishes because I REALLY hate doing that. We raise our kids together, backing each other up and being there in unison. We face family, bills, work, pets and life together. We make decisions with each other. I wouldn’t want it any other way.
Does that make me less of a man? I certainly don’t think so. The sense of love and accomplishment I get being who I am, how I am and who I’m with gives me joy and happiness far more than I ever had trying to realize the elusive goal of being a man by the classic stereotypical definition. I’m a man, and I’m certain of that.
With how rapidly and radically for the good masculinity and what it means has evolved, I can’t see how we can ever really define it. Not anymore. I reminded of something Tyler Durden said in Fight Club: “I say never be complete, I say stop being perfect, I say let… let’s evolve, let the chips fall where they may.”
Sounds good to me.
—
This post is republished on Medium.
***
Improve your writing, expand your reach, and monetize your craft.
Join The Good Men Project’s Writers’ Community on Patreon.
We welcome all experience levels.
Learn more on our Patreon page.
***
Photo credit: iStock
Sorry for the delay in responding all…had family in from out of town. Adam: Another excellent POV. I don’t have the list you seek, but then again…who does? Do we need actual pillars of manhood? And if life itself is ever-changing and evolving, I think it stands to reason the path to your personal definition of manhood could be just as winding as your path through life is. To your point of the Ward Cleaver stereotype being a myth: I was speaking with my mom this morning about that, and she wondered when you grew up, because when she was… Read more »
I’m always thoughtful of the willful ignorance of feminists with their seething hatred and fear of the fifties and the Cleaver family and all that. If you look at the previous two decades of war and poverty the way families were in the fifties makes sense to them. To them, that’s what matters. Men came home from seeing the utter devastation of war and the chaos that was all too real, and voila that’s why the fifties were like that. It was their best attempt to “clean up” society from the previous 20 years mess. These men that your type… Read more »
“That means keeping a house running involves us guys pitching in and doing our part. It’s no longer possible to come home and plunk your ass on a recliner like Ward Cleaver and expect your wife to bring you a martini and have dinner ready.” Not to argue to much but did this ever really happen? I always thought the real man came home from back breaking deadly work, collapsed on the recliner and his wife was so kind as to have the home in order. Both pitching in. “I’m the man of the house; and you’re the woman. Know… Read more »
“It’s no longer possible to come home and plunk your ass on a recliner like Ward Cleaver and expect your wife to bring you a martini and have dinner ready.”
this has never been the case. in fact if you examine the history of men and masculinity, and not what your sociology of gender prof says, you will see a long history of loving and involved fathers.
here is a good starting point: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ouKQdxAFA0
Have you ever read any of Patton’s poetry? How about T.R’s letters? These two men are not nearly so one dimensional as you make them seem to be. T.R. especially was a man who was not afraid to roll around on the floor playing with his children and the dogs even when he was president. I think it’s rather unfair to compare them to caricatures of masculinity like those fictional characters you listed.. And really? Tyler Durden? The guy who splices porn into kids movies? that’s who you want us to emulate? Pass. He was written as a character to… Read more »
Yes, my guess is that there is a considerable gap between the Lone Wolf Hollywood hero and the pre-feminist head of the typical family. He went to work, she stayed home. But he came home, he provided, his life was at least in part shaped by his family and their needs. I don’t recall that being a concern of The Terminator. It’s not as if the Lone Wolf has disappeared as a character, either, nor are the messages from those characters limited to statements about traditional masculinity. And thanks for the Roosevelt mention. I look at the men who I… Read more »
Alan, thanks for that response…and some of those to me are true, like being there for your kids and pick a side and hold the party line, for instance. But I disagree that the old view of masculinity is a myth; it is, why was the aforementioned (in the article, I’m meaning) Ward Cleaver and his wife June typically used as the bastion of the nuclear household? Ward went to work, June took care of the house and dinner and the kids, and Ward only got involved if it was something serious and discipline/a lesson needed to be doled out.… Read more »
Hey Doug, Good stuff. The example of Ward and June Cleaver is perfect. It doesn’t exist. What I mean by that, is that example of Manhood is absolutely irrelevant for today’s man. It doesn’t fit, make sense or in any way come close to a reality of what I think the global ideal of a Modern Man is. Yes, the definition and fluidity of what being masculine means is wonderful but where are the agreed upon “Pillars”. Give me the list. Let me share that list with my sons and nephews (and nieces). What? No List. Exactly. When is the… Read more »
Doug, to quote you “Thing is, being a man now is not at all a straight line”. Has it ever been? What era did this straight line exist? The line TODAY is straighter than ever. The “expectation” of a man to be all things is the straight line. -Support the troops or be one -Pick a side and hold the party line -Be there for the kids -Share in the household -Love your wife -Do your job I think there is MASSIVE confusion about what society thinks a Man should be. Worse, I feel that men have lost touch with… Read more »
Wonderful article Doug! You hit the nail on the head, as always. The stereotypical male has changed, and while there are still those “Dirty Harry or Lone Wolf” type guys out there, the Average guy is becoming more of a partner to their spouse and also a mentor/friend to their children. I definitely like this new type of guy much more than I every liked the old stereotype and I’m happy to see the changing of the guard. I would like to respond to “sun mones” who commented about men in combat. “Sun”, I’m SURE that Doug is not in… Read more »
That’s a valid point, Sun. I am fortunate to be in a place where I don’t have to worry about the security of me and mine like I would in say, Sierra Leone. Point being is that who men and women are is evolving, and that to me is a welcome and good thing.
You have your masculinity and George S. Patton have his. I know without a doubt which I’d choose.
those stereotypes you claim are dead are derived from the a lifestyle in which men were expected to engage in combat just to secure day to day survival of his people and family. We live behind the greatest wall of military might the world has ever seen. Spend six months in a place where the lack of combative skill might mean the death of your family and then revisit your perspective on issue. Its military power and men who give you the leisure to be this new version of male you write about.
Well said.