Take ownership of your role as a Dad. Don’t fall into the many traps of being a Participation Trophy Dad.
“Your trophies have arrived.” This was the notification received by the coach of my 10-year-old grandson’s football team. When he asked what trophies, he was told the trophies for Fourth Place in the league had arrived. He politely refused the trophies and suggested they request a refund. I’m thankful for this type of coach and for a grandson, daughter, and son-in-law that agree with the coach.
They see no problem with everyone getting equal time on the field. |
My background is leadership and Human Resources. I’ve also been married to my best friend for 39 years, and we have two wonderful daughters. In leadership coaching, I see so many correlations between leadership and being a Dad. I will share what I am witnessing and the negative long-term impact of the PTD, (Participation Trophy Dad).
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I love a good visualization. Imagine pouring a clear glass full of strong leadership. You know it is strong because of the dark rich color. This leadership is strong because of its ability to build an Educated, Engaged and fully Accountable team. They do not expect nor reward mediocrity.
Now imagine some ice cubes. All the traits of a PTD, (Participation Trophy Dad), are frozen in these cubes. For the purpose of leadership, we will call these PTB, (Participation Trophy Bosses).
They see no problem with everyone getting equal time on the field. Their ability and performance do not matter. They see no problem with trophies or ribbons for all participants regardless of their win-loss record. They use the phrase, “it’s just a game” frequently. They are prone to drop their kids off at practice and games and are seldom present at sports or activities.
Now imagine these PTB cubes being dropped into your strong glass of leadership. Watch as that dark, rich color of leadership becomes diluted as the pale, weak, clear liquid and mindset of the PTB slowly melts and blends in.
With my background of leadership, Human Resources, and Leadership Coaching, this illustration generates fear in my mind and a feeling of nausea in my gut.
Here’s what generates the fear. These PTBs are now being promoted into positions of influence and leadership. Many will be unable to discuss performance problems with poor performers. This will occur because of their unwillingness to risk putting a nick in the self-esteem of others. This will lead to an immediate acceptance of mediocrity.
There are many tools in a Leadership Tool Box. Some of these are Performance Improvement Plans, Levels of Discipline and terminations as a last resort. These tools require “Courageous Conversation” with poor performers. The Leadership Tool Box also contains humility, praise, and empathy. Great leaders know when and how to use all of the tools.
Because of their dislike or inability, the PTB will not have the necessary “Courageous Conversation” with poor performers. Instead, they will take the path of least resistance. They will place a larger load on their high performers and ignore poor performers.
This is a very dangerous and short-term solution. The PTB will quickly be recognized as weak and incompetent by the high performers. Some will begin performing at a lower level. Some will leave. Because of personal pride, some will continue performing at a high level hoping upper management will quickly recognize and address the lack of leadership.
What if this mindset is not quickly recognized and corrected by upper management? Even worse; what if PTBs have made their way to upper management?
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Leadership and parenting are NOT short term. We can’t start over.
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This is where the feeling of nausea creeps in. This is where poor performance begins to hurt profitability and customer service. This is where livelihoods will be placed in jeopardy. This is where pay, hours or benefits will be cut. This is where “due to the economy” will be used as a reason because it sounds much better than “due to the lack of accountability and leadership.”
Dads, can you see the comparison in parenting and leadership? Can you see where a lack of Education, Engagement and Accountability can have long term consequences? Can you see where “just a game” could become “just a job” or “just a marriage?”
The subtitle of my leadership book is; “Why We Never Wax A Rental Car.” We don’t wax rentals because they are short term. We don’t care about the resale value. At the end, we slide the keys across the counter and start over. Leadership and parenting are NOT short term. We can’t start over, but we can have a new start.
Take ownership of your role as a Dad. Don’t fall into the many traps of being a Participation Trophy Dad.
This article originally appeared on Greg Gilbert.com.
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Photo: Flickr/ Peter Thoeny – Quality HDR Photography
Ted, none of the discipline or courageous conversation applies to the kids. It’s when people that agree with the participation trophy mindset move into positions of leadership but thank you for your input. This is about leadership, not 10 year old kids.
OMG, Are you kidding. We’re talking about 10 year-old football playing grandson’s here. Do the math, that would be grade 3 or 4 in public school years. Whoever wrote this should realize that perhaps rather than limiting mediocre players to the bench that perhaps his high performing (if in fact that’s what he is) grandson should be streamed into a more highly competitive league to let his talents shine. In no way should any player have their time limited in what basically is “play”, especially at an age of 10. You mention discipline and termination, what the hell, we are… Read more »