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Q: I thought I would feel such freedom when my 18 year old left home but I have never felt so alone. I was so focused on him, raising him as a single mom that now I do not know how to “do me”.
A: It’s so easy to make your joy his joy, to make your life all about him, to put everything on the side and not be a full woman, but to be a part of a woman – “a mom”. Now you are trying to determine who the “full woman” is. I would say as a first step, take a deep breathe, exhale, and forgive yourself. You did your best. It sounds like you were a fantastic single mom! Well done – you did an amazing job and it sounds like you raised a great boy. Are you ready to take the next step?
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Transcript provided by YouTube:
how I love the old community of mine
welcome to Atlanta Pratt comm this is a
great question from my sister she says I
thought I would feel such freedom when
my 18 year old left home I’ve never felt
so alone I was so focused on him raising
him as a single mom that now I do not
know how to do me so get that I still
get that it’s so easy I’m a single mom
to make your joy his joy to make your
life all about him to put your libido on
the side to put your dreams on the side
to put your creativity on the side but
you’re dating on the side to put you on
the side and not be a woman who’s he to
not be a full woman but to be like part
of a woman a mom and now you’re like
whoa who’s the whole woman I remember I
was sort of forced well I wasn’t I guess
I was still a choice but I remember when
I got a divorce and my son was only one
half the time he was with me and half
the time he wasn’t and I was committed
that the half the time that he wasn’t
with me I was not gonna be a victim and
I was going to fill myself up with so
much life and pleasure that when he came
back I would be the most patient playful
present mom ever and it was so much
easier to be a victim and blame and poor
me and blah blah blah but I remember
being very rigorous with myself which
means being uncomfortable which means
taking risks which means failing which
means picking myself back up again it
means a lot so I would say as a first
step forgive yourself you did your best
it sounds like you were a great single
mom well done sounds like you’ve raised
a great boy well done give yourself a
break that you did your best
number two you cannot change the past
so harping back there and continuing to
look back there with regret is gonna get
you nowhere
so three what is it gonna take for you
to forgive yourself do some sort of
ritual where you put that to rest you
close the door you burn the bridge you
do not look back mm-hmm talk to the hand
and you stay in this present moment and
you ask yourself every day what would
delight me what would bring me joy and
start to Kindle those feelings of
pleasure
again pleasure cooking pleasure
gardening pleasure dancing pleasure self
pleasuring pleasure
okay pleasure just sitting outside and
watching people play at the park okay it
could be anything but the more you
connect with your pleasure the more
lifeforce energy will start to flow
through you and wake up these centers in
your body wake up your your wisdom wake
up your creativity wake up your fierce
power to create change in your life to
it’ll start to wake you able to wake up
your vision of what’s possible you can
also ask the question what’s what’s
possible now that’s never been possible
before that I’m right on time to
experience and dive into okay journal
put these questions beside your bed when
you dream put a book by your bed start
taking delight in the moment of unknown
that is right now while totally being
kind to yourself when you want to cry
your face off
or have some tequila in the bath with a
bottle of chips like I do sometimes try
not to do that too much but like it’s
okay to be human in the process and the
last thing is do not do this alone
sisterhood sisterhood please find
another single mom that you can grow
with do coaching sessions with me so
that you can efficiently effectively
quickly heal this get present awaken
your deliciousness and get in action in
a joyful fun way with somebody who’s got
your back someone who believes in you
someone who doesn’t judge you someone
who unconditionally loves you and can be
a stand to help awaken the incredible
lusciousness that is you and help you
make choices aligned with that deep
inner uh-huh
not oh I better do something or if I
don’t and fear-based decisions those
aren’t gonna kick you in the ass okay
but heart based belly based vagina based
answers to these questions that will
steer you right it’s truly a time for
you to step into your feminine
leadership your feminine power and that
has a lot to do with softness and
allowance and being alluring and having
a lot of fun okay and that eighteen year
old is going to just cheer you on and be
so proud of you and you’ll be able to
share all of your wonderful stories with
him all right
I look forward to hearing from you if
like to do a strategy session and talk
about the possibility of me being here
your sister sitting in the fire with you
as we go through into the glory of you
of the goddess what a privilege that
would be email manager at Elana Pratt
comma to set that up all right all my
love to you and thank you for your
question
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This post was previously published on AllanaPratt.com and is republished here with permission from the author.
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