NOW that you are over 18, the days are over when you could get away with just playing around with girls in the playground at school or just hang out together holding hands; indeed, many of my students report that they are having trouble meeting girls, going on dates or trying to change a female friend into a girlfriend, plus there seems to be a lot of confusion about how and when to call her on the phone, how long to wait to see if she’s interested, how long is too long to contact her and a whole range of other issues.
Also, I want my students to avoid pursuing socially unacceptable ways of finding women to meet —doing things and going to places where only low-status women hang out. That is NOT the answer!
To have a successful dating life, young guys today need to learn quite a lot about women and life in general — stuff your dad probably should have told you but, like mine, did not.
So let’s get started!
Maybe you think that which girl goes out with which boy is more or less random; that girls want handsome boys with six-pack abs, a nice car, lots of money and a good job; that you have to “be nice” to girls to have a chance with her; that you have to have things in common that you both like to do together; that you have to buy her chocolates and flowers and take her out on dates to see movies; and so on and so on. The truth is, none of these things are important (although they are “nice to have”). So what attracts women?
Before we can answer that, we must first ask — what is attraction, anyway?
Is it just some mysterious force that happens some times but not others?
Does it only happen when you meet “The One”?
Is it the same for men and women?
It’s NOT the same. Whereas men can “switch on” and “switch off” their attraction whenever they want, the female brain does not allow this. A woman’s attraction is “switched on” when she received certain signals, or stimuli, from the environment around her. It is “switched off” when certain “other” stimuli are received. These stimuli are sent by the man. If he sends the right signals, her attraction will “switch on”. If he sends the wrong signals, it will “switch off”. She herself cannot do anything to control this.
Even if she really likes a guy, if he sends the wrong signals, she will not be attracted. Even if she hates a guy, if he sends the right signals, she will be attracted. Therefore, this means that if you are a guy and a girl you like is not attracted to you, it’s YOUR FAULT because you didn’t send the right signals. She is not to blame.
So the first rule of dating is that FEMALE ATTRACTION IS INVOLUNTARY. She can’t control it!
The second rule is this — WOMEN ARE ONLY ATTRACTED TO MEN WHO ARE OR SEEM TO BE OF EQUAL OR GREATER STATUS THAN THEM.
So if you want to attract a girl, you should behave as though you are at least equal to her or possibly better. Notice that you don’t always have to “be” equal or better — you just have to “seem to be” equal or better than her, so you can “fake it until you make it” to a certain extent. However, women are never attracted to guys who act like she’s amazing and that he is nothing because doing that makes it look like you are “lower” than her, which is not attractive!
The third rule is that women make decisions emotionally, especially when it comes to dating and romance. There’s no point trying to persuade her that you are an amazing person because of your money or your cool motorbike or whatever. Women don’t make decisions like that. She decides
based on her emotions towards you.
In particular, her femininity reacts to your masculinity. You show masculinity every time you make your presence felt by listening to her and by making decisions on what to do. YOU decide where to go, what restaurant to eat at, what food to order, etc..
By doing this, you are making decisions and this is masculine. She will feel that as an emotion and react by acting more womanly and feminine. When she does that, it makes you feel more like a man. So when you act more like a man, which makes her feel more like a woman, so she acts more like a woman, so that makes you feel even more like a man and so on. So the gap between your masculinity and her femininity gets bigger and bigger and in the gap, the difference between the two is attraction.
Fourth, women are attracted to fun, happy, energetic, fun-loving, passionate and exciting guys who are really positive about life and what is going on in his life right now. So live a life where you are constantly working on your health (like going to the gym to get a six-pack), wealth (like studying hard and looking for a part-time job while studying) and relationships (learning about dating and attraction, like reading this article). Then, with so many cool things going on in your life, your need for her approval will be less, so you will act less needy and be more fun.
The less you need her, the more she needs you in her life because you are fun! The less you want her, the more she wants you. Similarly, the more you need her, the less she needs you and the more you want her, the less she wants you.
Fifth, understand that dating is a game. It is NOT to be taken seriously.
When you act like you are better than her, never seriously believe that men are better than women — that’s stupid. Everyone knows that in real life, men and women are created equal and that she doesn’t really need you to order her food when she can do it herself or hold the door open for her
when she can push it open with no help from you at all.
However, when we are playing a game, we can pretend to be way more boss than we really are and she can act all girly and feminine, not because society says so but just because it’s fun! Don’t worry — you can’t trick a woman. For sure, she knows exactly what you are doing the whole time — she’s not stupid. She knows the whole thing is just a game that adults play — so if she wants to play, that’s good!
She pretends to be an innocent “good girl” who doesn’t understand what you are doing, so that you will take the lead and act masculine, which allows her to get attracted without you thinking she’s a “bad girl”. When you can understand how to play this game, you will realise how easy it is to love women and everything about them because girls are experts at playing this, so it’s great fun to start playing!
Still not sure how to play?
Still confused about how to do everything real but still act like it’s a game?
Well, the feeling you get when you play this game is a little like a boxing ring in a boxing match. When two boxers fight together, they first get into the boxing ring. When they hit each other, the hitting is real. When they fight, the fighting is real. When they get angry, the anger is real. However, all of it is always inside the boxing ring.
Outside the boxing ring, they don’t do any fighting at all. It’s not OK for a boxer to go out in the street and start fighting and beating up innocent victims. The boxing ring is the correct place for violence. In the same way, the dating game is where the date itself is the correct place for passion.
On a date, the man acts like a man and the woman acts like a woman. When they hold hands, the holding is real. When they look into each other’s eyes, the looking is real. When they kiss, the kissing is real.
However, when the date is over, the game ends and they go back to the way they normally behave. See?
So I hope these five basic principles of dating can help you to understand how to start dating and attracting the women you want in your life and, in so doing, become the man you have always wanted to be!
Have a great time!
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Originally Published on Medium
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ID: 601922507