My daughter had her first sleepover last night. Okay, technically, it was her second, but that’s not the point.
It is her seventh birthday, and after much debate, all the parents agreed it was the right time to let them have a sleepover.
It was her birthday, after all!
The girls played all day precociously and talked like teeny-boppers all night. They buzzed with excitement from their first sleepover until 2 am. Watching them engage with one another made me miss the ease I once had with my best friend, T, for thirty years.
We don’t talk a whole lot these days.
My daughter and her BFF reminded me of how simple friendship should be.
It was also a painful reminder of how complicated things got before T, and I stopped talking. It got me thinking about the lessons of friendship I had learned over the years, and how poisonous they could become. I’ll share them with you now in my usual rapid-fire style.
The 10 Invaluable Lessons About Friendship That Transpired From Watching My Daughter And Her BFF Play Together
1. If the friendship starts as a toxic, there’s a good chance it will stay that way unless both of you make changes.
2. Healthy friendships should be, for the most part, enjoyable — not overly complicated.
3. Friends, who are also moms, don’t use their children to manipulate you.
4. Friends are honest with one another — even if it hurts.
5. Be kind to your friends — even if they are not kind to you.
6. Friends should be able to laugh together — often.
7. Good friendships feel good.
8. It’s healthy to have healthy expectations from the people closest to you. (if you cut them off it doesn’t mean you’re cold and unreasonable. It means you have self-respect and ethical boundaries in place.)
That being said…
9. Your friends don’t owe you anything. (and vice versa)
10. Just because you’ve been friends forever doesn’t entitle you to a happily-ever-after friendship. You both of you have to work for it, just like any other relationship.
11. Have healthy boundaries in place so they learn how to treat you.
12. Always appreciate a good friend. If you don’t, they might not stick around forever.
I did my best to be in the moment today. I pushed down the sadness I felt from my baby girl turning seven and becoming a beautiful little woman right in front of my eyes. I also tried to ignore the fact that my best friend hadn’t sent me a text wishing her niece a happy birthday.
Maybe it’s petty, but it bugged me.
Is it that hard to show my daughter some love on her birthday?
I’m so tired.
I’m tired of waiting around for my so-called best friend to treat me the way I want to be treated. I’m tired of holding my breath for her to be the friend to me that I have been to her.
At 6:22 pm tonight I got a text message from her that read,
“Hope Luna had a happy birthday.”
I’m kind of over it.
Thank you for listening.
Previously published on Medium.com.
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