“There just aren’t any good men left.”
We’ve all heard it. At church, in small groups, from well-meaning friends. And honestly? A part of me used to wonder if it might be true.
There’s a stereotype that single men at church are “awkward,” “creepy,” or simply put, plain.
As women grow up hearing this over and over, it starts to stick. We begin to wonder: Will I ever meet someone worth marrying? Are there any men out there who still want a God-honoring relationship? Am I destined to be single forever?
But after years of coaching Christian men in dating and relationships, I can confidently tell you: that belief is flat-out false.
Most people don’t mean harm when they say things like “Men need all the help they can get,” or “All the good ones are taken.” But these offhanded remarks chip away at hope. They create a culture where men feel overlooked, and women feel disillusioned.
The result? Men shrink back, unsure of their place because even their best efforts go unnoticed. While women lower their expectations or opt out of dating altogether.
This leaves us with a culture at church where singles simply feel they can’t win.
It’s time to shift the narrative. Because here’s the truth I’ve seen firsthand:
1. Men love more deeply than you think
Culture tells men to be tough. Silent. Unfeeling. Many grow up believing that if they show emotion, they’ll be seen as weak.
But underneath that armor? There’s a heart that longs to love and be loved.
As someone who grew up with an abusive father, I used to feel that maybe all men were cold, distant, and unforgiving.
It’s been amazing to see how God creates beauty from ashes, because as I started coaching men, I realized how tender, gentle, and emotionally invested they can be.
I’ve coached numerous men who were quietly carrying massive emotional depth. Men who pray daily for their future wife. Who want to be the kind of husband that makes her feel safe, secure, and cherished.
In fact, research from The Australian National University suggests that men fall in love faster than women do, on average. But we see society teaching them to hide these affectionate feelings.
That doesn’t mean they aren’t feeling it. It just means they’re waiting for someone who makes it safe to bring that love out. Someone they can trust.
The good news is, once they find that woman, walls can start to come down, and he can be seen as the tender, true, and affectionate man he really is.
2. Godly single men do exist
When you’re constantly told there are no good men left, discouragement sets in fast. We’ve all heard this from women: “I want to wait on God, but I’m starting to lose hope.”
But I’ve coached hundreds of single Christian men — men who love God, chase after His will, and genuinely want to build a Christ-centered relationship.
They’re not loud. They’re not flashy. But they are out there — faithful, prayerful, and ready for love.
According to a new Barna study, the share of Gen Z men identifying as “committed Christians” jumped from 52% in 2019 to 67% in 2025 — showing a clear rise in faith‑driven young men who care deeply about long‑term, God‑centered relationships.
This directly supports what I’ve seen firsthand as I’ve heard them share their concerns, hopes, dreams, and intentions.
If you’re single and waiting, please hear me: they’re out there. In greater numbers than you might think.
And they’re praying for you, too.
3. Most men were simply never taught how to date
One of the biggest barriers I see? No one ever taught these men the skills to pursue a woman well.
They’ve been told to “just be themselves,” but when you haven’t learned the best ways to approach a woman or flirt appropriately, that advice will only get you so far.
Or the worst scenario? They’ve been taught that chasing women or playing mind games is how you win at love. (Spoiler: It’s not.)
Their hearts are sincere, but they’ve been left to figure it out on their own. That’s why some seem awkward or unsure when it comes to dating and flirting.
But that doesn’t mean they’re broken. It just means they’re untrained — and training can be learned.
Think about it: we wouldn’t fault a woman for not knowing how to change a tire if no one ever showed her. So why shame a man for never being taught how to express interest respectfully?
Instead of criticizing them, what if we encouraged them? What if we gave them room to grow?
Dating is a skill. Leadership in love is a skill. Emotional safety is a skill. And the good news? These skills can be learned — especially by men who are humble, God-fearing, and committed to becoming the best version of themselves.
I’ve seen men’s lives completely change when they invest in the right support. This can come in the form of a mentor, a course, or guidance from someone who’s walked the path before.
The key is this: dating well isn’t about pretending to be someone you’re not. It’s about becoming someone who can love well, lead well, and reflect Christ in a relationship.
Men were designed by God to be strong, tender leaders. Protectors. Providers. Not in a domineering or outdated way — but in a deeply Christ-centered one.
They carry a role no one else can fill. And when we write them off or speak about them like they’re disposable, we miss something sacred.
So let’s retire the lie.
There are good men. Godly men. Sincere, growth-minded men.
They don’t need to be fixed. They need to be seen.
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Previously Published on Medium
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