I was deeply troubled recently when I read a Facebook post written by a young Christian woman who was advocating for male headship.

I’m astonished that there are still young women who believe God would assign equal intrinsic value to both genders yet endorse a system where one gender is seemingly required to be led, decided for, directed by, and subject to the other.

Her pastors — all men, of course — have done a marvelous job of indoctrinating her to the point of surrendering herself to the supposedly benevolent male leadership of the church and her future husband.

I just hope he is a good man — for her sake — and not the kind of man who would exploit her willingness to voluntarily place herself in the most vulnerable position in their relationship, which is one between two unequal parties.

I feel sorry for her.

I feel afraid for her, as well.

Because men who use their pulpits to convince women that they should submit unilaterally to fathers, husbands, and pastors are dangerous.

Now to the young woman’s Facebook post.

Forgive me for the long quote, but I need to include the full post here for context. Then, I’ve got a few things I’d like to say about this gormless drivel. Here is the young woman’s take on Biblical womanhood:

A Solid Indoctrination

I firmly believe that women aren’t born with an innate desire to be led by men. When I ask my little daughter what she wants to do when she grows up, she doesn’t say, “I just want to submit my life to my husband in humble service as to the Lord.”

No.

She says, “I want to be a lawyer.”

Good for her.

But in some churches, women are taught to be submissive to men through the kind of poisonous teaching that this young woman has swallowed. And who stands to gain the most from perpetuating this worldview? It isn’t women, is it?

She’s been thoroughly indoctrinated with a kind of thinking that doesn’t come naturally and requires all kinds of effort and justification to maintain. Let me explain a few of my objections to this young woman’s Facebook post.

No grounding in scripture? Really?

This young woman argues that there is no Biblical basis for female leadership. I don’t know which Bible she is reading.

From beginning to end, the Bible positions women as leaders in ways that were culturally ground-breaking at the time in which it was written. Women direct armies, defeat prominent enemies, save communities from genocide, give birth to God, fund Jesus’ ministry, sit at his feet as disciples, and are the first witnesses and preachers of the resurrection. They are church founders and leaders, prophets, and apostles. Women are co-laborers with God and men and image-bearers of God who are meant to participate in God’s work in the church and the world.

Surely, if male headship were fundamental to the Christian faith, Jesus would have said something about it. But, he never said a word about women submitting to men. Jesus never preached a message like this, but his life had something to say about the role of women.

Jesus included many women in his inner circle — a ground-breaking and counter-cultural advancement in its day. Women were the first witnesses and preachers of the resurrection. Surely, that’s the kind of responsibility God would choose to entrust to men?

But no.

What is more, the early church was full of faithful and influential female leaders — women like Phoebe, Chloe, Junia, Lydia, Eudia, Syntyche, Susanna, and Priscilla. They are church founders and leaders, prophets, and apostles.

Men in patriarchal churches ignore these facts or explain them away. Independent, assertive, free-thinking women are a bit of a threat, aren’t they? Best to leave the thinking to the men.

After all, the church has done so well with men at the helm.

Marriage is the goal.

This young woman says, “I’m not married yet, and for those that are still single and yet to be married, there are many practical ways that we can prepare.”

I want you to notice the implication of this statement. The word “yet” indicates that marriage is not only inevitable but it is also the goal. She is basically saying, “Ladies, we have to prepare our hearts for the day we get married so we can willingly submit to our husbands.”

“The way we submit to our husbands demonstrates how we submit to the Lord. We show our love for Christ by being obedient to Him,” She says.

So, how do you show your love for Christ if you’re not married? What if you’re a young woman who doesn’t want to get married? Is that allowed? This brings me to my next point…

Too bad for singles

Think about this for a moment.

According to this young woman, what man lacks, women supply. Presumably, this applies reciprocally: What a woman lacks, man supplies.

Does that mean that a single person is living a life that is less than fully realized? Are they some kind of incomplete “half-person?”

I happen to believe that if you’re incomplete as a single person, you’ll be incomplete in marriage and probably damage your spouse because of your own sense of incompleteness. Marriage doesn’t solve our “inadequacy” issues.

The myth of equal but different

Leaders of patriarchal churches, like the one this young woman attends, love this slogan: equal but different. On the surface, it sounds reasonable enough. However, in practice, it results in anything but equality.

Let me tell you what “equal but different” looked like in my church when I used to go. It looked like men making all the decisions, and women making coffee in the kitchen. It looked like men deciding on behalf of everyone what the church should do and the direction it should head, and women deciding on the floral arrangements and what cake to bake this week. It looked like men looking after the church’s finances and women looking after the church’s children.

There is nothing equal about it.

It creates a context for the objectification, devaluing, and even abuse of women. Since abuse is motivated by power and control, and patriarchy is a system based on power and control, it is not surprising that abuse is far too common in these circles.

Christianity vs. “Paulianity”

My well-meaning sister in Christ has included lots of scripture in her Facebook post to give it the appearance of being Biblical.

She quotes the Apostle Paul.

Lots of Paul.

Notably absent from her Biblical proof-texting are the words of Jesus. There is a very simple reason for that. Jesus didn’t advocate for male headship. He had nothing to say about it.

Paul, on the other hand, a Pharisee of Pharisees and a single man, had plenty to say about it. Now, to the average fundamentalist Christian, the words of Paul are still the words of God. But, to those who would take a more sensible and nuanced approach to the Bible, the words of Jesus must trump the words of Paul.

Why?

Although much of what Paul says contains incredible wisdom and truth, he is not God. He comes to the text with his own biases and worldview, and he projects them into the text. So far as we know, he never met Jesus apart from an apparition on the side of the road, so his writing is his best attempt to speak on behalf of Christ.

Many Christians are actually followers of Paul rather than followers of Christ.

Ladies, we caused the fall.

There is a more than subtle suggestion here that the fall of humanity in the Genesis story is all the fault of the woman — Eve. Her desire to lead, her desire to take control and try to be like God. If only she had submitted herself to Adam, then Satan wouldn’t have won the day. This is what happens when women try to take control. Can’t you see?

Of course, the fact that Adam was right there and stood by like a hopeless, brainless mute and allowed it all to happen is unhelpful for the patriarchal narrative.

So, let’s just blame women, right?

Appalling.

A matter of interpretation

The young woman finishes with an impassioned plea: “Do you want to be someone who lives by what God says or someone who follows the rest of the world in their sin?”

But let’s unpack what she is really saying. When she asks, “Do you want to be someone who lives by what God says,” she really means, “What the Bible says.”

Because to fundamentalist Christians, the Bible is the very word of God.

But let’s unpack it a bit more. Not only does she really mean, “Do you want to be someone who lives by what the Bible says,” she is actually saying, “Do you want to be someone who lives by what my male pastor interprets the Bible to say?”

Because what the Bible says IS a matter of interpretation. And the fact that we have thousands of different Christian denominations is a testament to the fact that the Bible is anything but clear.

I wish this young lady would recognize that this “understanding” that she has come to about the role of women in the church is not her own view but the view that was preached at her by men.

The last word

Hey, as a father, I would be upset if my daughters came to believe that their lives and their faith must be dictated by men.

So, I look at this young woman through a father’s eyes.

I want to say to her, “Hey! Snap out of it! You don’t need a man to make you complete, and a man doesn’t need you to make him complete. You don’t need a man to tell you how to live. You can live a fully realized life of faith on your own because we have just one mediator. It’s not your pastor, your husband, or your father.

It’s Christ.”

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This post was previously published on Backyard Church.

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