Let’s get right to it shall we?
Dating is stressful.
I never quite know what to wear.
I have to hustle to find a good restaurant.
And oh GOD what if she’s boring and the dinner just drones on forever?
Or worse… What if I’m boring and her friend calls ‘because of an emergency’ and she abruptly has to leave??
What about the end… Do I walk up to her door like in the movies and just wait?
Or do I just hail Mary it and go for a kiss?
Before that I also have to ask her out, of course!
Dating is stressful.
Well, at least it used to be.
And it doesn’t have to be for you either.
Let me help.
The Magic Date Formula
My girlfriend and I were lying in bed the other evening when she asked me “what was the worst first date you ever had?”
I thought for quite a long time and I realized that I couldn’t quite remember the last time I’ve been on a really awful date!
You see, once you get this whole “dating thing” handled, you realize it’s actually quite fun!
Yes, dating is fun! It’s normal even… Mature, socially adjusted adults date… It’s really not that big of a deal.
Alright, I know what you want so I’ll just jump right in – you want to know how to make it that easy.
You want my unique date idea formula…
I realized I tended to follow an unconscious pattern when it comes to dating, and I’ve taken the liberty of breaking it down for you.
The formula is:
Shared interests (chemistry) + what I want to do + Mischief = unforgettable date.
Chemistry happens in an instant.
Don’t freak out here—I don’t mean she has to be super duper in love with you right off the bat in order to go out on a date here.
What I mean is that most guys are so focused on getting the date that they forget about the context for the date.
Listen; the reason I enjoy my dates so much (and the reason they enjoy them with me) is because when we meet, it’s light, fun, and enjoyable from the get go.
I express myself full, say shocking things, am completely outrageously funny, ask them super deep personal questions, discuss spirituality and aliens, and find out what they like.
Contrast that with the average guy who is so anxious and needy that he spends the entire conversation in interview mode desperately forcing a connection.
Pro Tip: Just ask her what she loves doing. Let her talk about her passions and then find something you both enjoy… And invite her to do that with you!
What I want to do
Gentlemen, contrary to popular belief, very few women expect to be wined and dined on a first date.
I’d go so far as to say that even less women actually enjoy it.
Free food is great—but let’s mix it up a little.
Don’t scramble around desperately searching for things you think she would like, instead, invite her to do something you like.
This is the big disconnect between men and women when it comes to dating:
Men desperately scramble to find a way to impress her.
My fellow men, understand this; When a woman agrees to go on a date with you, it is because she is looking to play in the social context of you. She wants to go on a trip in your reality. She wants to feel your strength of truth, your love for life, your edge, your unshakable thirst for adventure and your mischievous vulnerability.
She doesn’t want the pre-packaged date she had a thousand times.
She wants to find the man who stands out.
Pro Tip: what are your passions?
My first date with my current girlfriend was spent with a bottle of wine, walking the old city of Warsaw until we found a cool secluded garden under a big tree and we just sat and talked for hours.
When I lived in Spain, I took women to the beach to do yoga as the sun set or up the mountain to the old Moorish castle overlooking the city.
When in my native Montreal, there’s a super cool tea house with low couches in the city center where I hide out usually, I would just tell my dates to meet me there.
What do you like to do? Invite her to join you!
This is perhaps my favourite part.
Maybe because I’m secretly evil.
Look, the bottom line is this; You want a larger-than-life girl? You have to be larger than life.
You have to step out of the mold. You have to be magnificent. You have to be consumed by a burning desire to move forward, to grow as a man, to leave behind a mark, to be remembered, to accomplish something larger than yourself or her or even the entire world!
That edge is what you channel through mischief.
You don’t have to be James Bond to be mischievous though. It’s as simple as leaning a little over your boundaries (and hers).
I was once sitting at a cafe with my girlfriend. It was pouring rain outside. We were talking and I looked at her and got an idea.
“Tell me girl… Have you ever been kissed under the rain?”
An excited smile spreads across her face “No… Never”
I pull her outside, walk into a charming alleyway covered by trees and I pull her into me.
Being mischievous is as simple as letting your inner naughty boy come out.
You could be sitting and talking about anything and then ask her where her favourite place to be touched is.
You could have an entire evening planned out but then change plans to interrupt and join in the salsa class you walked by.
Like I said—she wants to experience you. So do something memorable together and you will be memorable.
Listen brother: Dating is fun. You have nothing to stress about.
Did you notice I never said show her how great you are? Because I don’t want you always focused on how you can impress her, on how you can make her like you.
Nope. Instead, if you just focus on having fun together.
If you just focus on the chemistry, on doing what you like and inviting her along, and on being mischievous together, she can’t not like you. Your amazingness will show on it’s own.
Like a breath of fresh air!
Ahhhhhh… Life is good brother
Patrick Ananda is a scoundrel, rogue, vagabond and founder of THE CENTERED MAN PROJECT. He teaches men how to overcome their social anxiety and fear of rejection, by unleashing their unshakable self-confidence.
Read Patrick’s column every week here on The Good Men Project!
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This piece originally appeared on Get-a-Wingman.