—
The very first Taoist Sexual Energy Massage I did with a man was an interesting initiation. He had both nipples pierced, three genital piercings and various other piercings.
I was young, sexually, and body inexperienced. To say that this was a stretch was putting it mildly.
In time I came to experience so many bodies, types of bodies, variations, things people did to their bodies. I doubt that I’ve seen it all, simply because the human possibility in every way is without limits.
And in time I came to appreciate the beauty of men’s bodies, how different touching a man is to a woman, not only the physicality, the energy, the feeling, the emotions that are blocked and expressed in men through their bodies, and the ways this happens.
As a sexual healer, I decided from the beginning of my journey to work with everyone, thinking that there’s a way for everyone.
I recall one quite religious Jewish couple coming to see me. I need to digress here for a moment to say how prevalent sexual problems are in religious communities, regardless of the religion, how little knowledge there is about sex, and the deep and painful impact of this, on both men and women.
Back to my couple. Penetrative sex was painful for her. Because of their beliefs, and the limited practices available to them, particularly regarding male sexuality, where it’s forbidden to ejaculate outside of her yoni, there wasn’t a lot I could teach them. Sensual Massage was a great thing for them to learn.
I couldn’t touch her, I couldn’t touch him, they couldn’t be undressed with me, I couldn’t have another person there as a model. In the end, I lay some cushions down in the shape of a body and showed them as much as I could in that way.
The men who came to see me, and I celebrate every time a man does, come for a variety of reasons. First, there are the sexual issues that are much more common than we generally think, premature ejaculation, loss of erection, lack of libido and interest in sex, not knowing a lot about sex, about their partner’s body, male and female.
Then I’ve worked with many gay men who were abused, and we’ve been able to go to some incredibly deep and beautiful spaces. I recently shared, and it’s an ongoing journey, with a man who lost his prostate and bladder due to cancer. This has been an extraordinary story of healing and growth in so many ways.
And occasionally, and I wish there were more, men who want to explore their sexuality, learn more about becoming better lovers, which has its own spectrum of understanding, explore and learn about sexual energy, deepening intimacy etc.
After so many massages with men, I made a decision on how I’d like to be in that space.
I stopped doing lingam and orgasm massage as a single experience.
The massage I offer to men now as a one-off experience is a Taoist Massage. This is about cleaning blockages in the energy channels, building it, using sexual energy as a fuel, then keeping it in the body, spreading it through the body to be used for healing, for meditation, for creativity.
When we work in a healing program, over time, we go deeper into the body experiences, Lingam Massage, Expanded Orgasm, etc.
For men, regardless of their orientation, orgasm is the focus.
I had a Whatsapp conversation with a man last week who contacted me for an erotic massage. I explained the way I work to him, and his final question was ‘So there’s no release?’
The release is easy.
And as an important element of my teaching, it’s more about the energy than the orgasm.
The orgasm is easy.
And there’s so much more.
The more men understand this, the deeper they’re willing to go into their sexual energy, the more the heart becomes a vital part of their sexual experience, the more healing and possibility there is.
As part of a bigger picture, for the pain so many men carry, not only sexually, the more we can be in our hearts, the more we’ll change in so many other ways.
With that, I’d like to share a brief practice of a Lingam Massage with you.
Lingam is an ancient Sanskrit term used to describe the penis. It means ‘Staff of Life’.
A Lingam Massage allows a man to experience a whole other level of pleasure. The beauty of the lingam massage is that the pleasure is on both sides: the giver and the receiver.
The challenge many men face during a Lingam Massage is to go beyond their mind and allow themselves to receive pleasure.
Because to do this fully, and to go deeply into the feelings, sensations, and emotions, requires vulnerability.
o before men can allow themselves to feel vulnerable, they need to feel safe.
The first step to an unforgettable Lingam Massage is a safe and sacred space. Creating this space is an expression of love which allows your partner to be vulnerable, to let go and to slide deeply into his pleasure.
Temperature
Warmth is vital. I can’t emphasize this enough. If your partner is not warm, he won’t be able to relax, go into his body, or get into the experience.
Entice his senses. Soft lighting & music (without words) will add to the space. Incense can work beautifully, but remember your partner’s sense of smell can be very different than your own.
Oil
Warm oil feels delicious on his skin. The plainer the oil, the better it is for him. My recommendation is Coconut Oil. Warm the oil by putting it in a bowl of hot water. Make sure the oil is not hot; you don’t want to burn him.
Intention
Be compassionate. For many men, this might be the first time they get touched this way. Some may not be sure how to react or respond.
He may also not have an erection, or the erection may come and go. This is because for most men the slow approach of a lingam massage can be new and confusing.
Be confident and sure in your touch, this creates deeper safety for him to let go.
Before you begin the Lingam Massage make sure to massage and open his entire body from head to toe.
And whatever you do communicate with him. Tell him to breathe, to relax and to allow himself to embrace whatever he’s feeling.
Be Comfortable
Have your man lie on his back and get him comfortable with cushions. Place them under his head, his neck, his back, and his bum, whatever he needs to be able to relax.
Sit between his legs, or next to him, in a position that’s comfortable for you.
Connect
Begin by placing one hand on his heart center (in the middle of his chest) and your other hand on his genitals. Breathe. Spend a few moments looking into each other’s eyes.
allow the warmth of your body to flow into him, and imagine the boundary that separates your physical bodies to disappear.
Then start by gently stroking his groin crease. Go up and down. Make circles with your fingertips. Also stroke his perineum – the area between his balls and anus.
Now move over to his penis and hold it in your hands. Start to gently squeeze and stroke his penis… slowly… very slowly.
Try each stroke a little differently: hard, soft, fast, slow – ask him what he prefers.
The Milker: Milk your hands alternately up his lingam. Start at the base, and move all the way up past the head.
Anvil: This is the opposite of the Milker. Apply long strokes from the head all the way down, alternating hands.
Corkscrew: Hold the base with one hand, stroke up the shaft to the head with the other hand and corkscrew your hand off the head.
Doorknob: Turn your hand around the head as if turning a doorknob.
Ring: Make a ring with your thumb and forefinger. Pump up the shaft in short strokes, coming closer to the head each time.
Cockupressure: Pull the skin towards the base and wrap your fingers around the base like a ring. With your other hand squeeze various points along the shaft.
Featherlight: Stroke gently from the perineum, over the testicles, up the shaft to the head and back, very gently.
Perpetual Penetration: Make loose fists and stroke from the top of the head to just beneath the head, hand over hand.
Finger Pleasure: With the tip of your index finger make a circle where the shaft and head meet.
Thumbing: Circle the head with your thumb.
Quick Slow: Do a few very slow strokes, then one quick one, then the opposite, a few quick strokes, then a slow one.
Polishing the Apple: Circle your palm around the head of his Lingam.
Washing Hands: Hold the head of his Lingam in your hands like a bar of soap, move as if you were creating lather.
—
—
Photo courtesy iStock.
This post was previously published on eroslife and is republished with the permission of the author.