The Most Important Decision of Our Life

We often overthink the smallest choices — which frappe to order, what shade of red to wear to the next party, or which accessories match best. But when it comes to the most important decision of our lives, do we really think enough?

What do you think the most important decision of your life is?

Your career? Quite important, but not the most important.

The most important decision of your life is the person you choose to marry and spend your entire life with — your life partner.

This single most important decision is going to affect each and every aspect of your life.

Your physical well-being
Your mental well-being
Your financial health
The values your child will grow up with

What do we generally look for in a potential partner while deciding to marry?

For generations, we have been getting married based on criteria like: What do they look like, where do they come from, their educational background, their family background, the amount of property they own, how the family members are, etc.

When the potential partner is a man, questions often revolve around his income; when it’s a woman, the focus tends to shift to her physical appearance.

But in all these questions, where do we get the answers to our mental and physical well-being, financial health, or values my child will grow up with?

Marriage is something that has to be based on an emotional connect, real love, mutual respect, lifetime commitment, and compatibility.

But searching for educational qualifications or family background doesn’t provide emotional connect or compatibility. However, we are making the biggest decision of our lives based on materialistic things that don’t even justify the value of marriage.

Marriage is nothing but a lifetime companionship that we promise to someone. And we decide to make that promise based on their appearance, educational and family backgrounds, or the amount of property they own?

What kind of system is this?

The majority of people get married for all the wrong reasons and expect all the right things out of that union.

According to me, one must ask,

What does your potential partner think of money?

Don’t you think this question is extremely important, and for the two of you to be aligned on this matter is even more important?

If every online sale feels like a celebration to you, or you can’t stay away from showrooms and relate a little too much to Rebecca Bloomwood from Confessions of a Shopaholic, while your partner happens to be the biggest miser their generation has ever seen, do you really think any kind of educational background can save that relationship?

If both like to keep a check on your pockets — Good.

If you both follow You Only Live Once philosophy all the time — Great.

So have that discussion with your potential partner before getting married — What do they think about finances?

What are the future goals of your potential partner?

If your partner finds peace in small Himalayan villages, while you want a skyscraper in NYC, then you might want to rethink your decision to marry the person.

While there’s nothing wrong with either of the choices, they are starkly different and misaligned. Either one of you might end up dissatisfied, or the relationship might fall apart.

Hence, ask the famous interview question before getting married — Where do you see yourself in 70 years?

What does your potential partner think of physical fitness?

If you are a couch potato and your potential partner is a gym maniac and gulping down protein bars, do you really think the amount of property they own is going to save your relationship?

Yes, it may sound silly — Why do our fitness goals need to match? They can do their thing, and I can do mine.

Well, if you can manage that and ignore each other’s starkly opposite perspectives towards fitness, then take a bow.

But in most cases, regular humans (who aren’t superhumans) struggle to manage that. Both partners end up trying to make the other align with their own fitness goals.

If you both just like to Netflix and chill — Good.

If you both worship the gym — Great.

Anything in between also works, to be honest.

So have that conversation before getting married — What is your lifestyle like?

What does your potential partner think about parenting?

Well, do they even want to have kids, or do they prefer to be DINK (Double Income No Kids)? This is an extremely crucial question to ask.

Couples often have huge conflicts over this — one might be overflowing with parental instincts, and the other might still be in their “I am a free bird” era.

And even if you both want to have kids, it is necessary to ask:

What kind of parenting do you expect to do?
What are the values you want your child to have?
What kind of surroundings do you want your child to grow up in?
How do you want to raise your child?

Often, when people are struggling in their marriages, others advise them, saying, “Have a kid and your marriage will be all fine”. That’s the worst advice one can ever get to save a marriage.

It’s like bringing another life into your messy relationship and making them a part of this too.

Hence, ask this question before getting married — Do you want to have kids? If yes, how do you want to raise them?

Not everything needs to match when two people decide to spend their entire lives with each other. However, opposites attract is a rather fancy thought and very few can manage that.

Core life values must match before making the most important decision of your life. This single most important decision can make or break your life.

And if your core values align, it can make your life, and with that, your mental well-being will also be taken care of.

What are the other important things one must ask before choosing to spend their entire life with a person? Let me know below.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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