Keep up with the Kardashians, not your Ex.
Anyone who has loved has known the pain of a breakup. That is, all of us.
Breakups are hard. They are brutal. The pain that hits you as they tell you that they don’t love you anymore. The confusion and panic that sets in right after, as you realize that your carefully constructed world is breaking apart.
The numerous questions we ask ourselves.
‘Why did this happen to me?’
‘Why wasn’t I good enough?’
‘Where did we go wrong?’
Trying to find answers for these questions while picking up the pieces of my broken heart is what led me to finding ‘The No Contact Rule’
Now at this point, I was willing to try just about anything to get my life and relationship back to how it was. And it seemed like it worked. The internet was filled with articles and videos telling me this was the best way to get my Ex back into my life. And this seemed like the miracle solution I was looking for.
From a place of desperation and fear is where I started.
. . .
What is the ‘No Contact Rule’?
In short, the rule is about complete withdrawal from any sort of communication with an Ex for a certain period of time so that there is space created for mutual healing and possibly, an opportunity to get back together as a couple.
This means no texts, no calls, no driving by their house, no check-ins. Nothing. No, you cannot ask your friends to spy on him or stalk his social media. You shouldn’t be knowing what they are up to. Sometimes, ignorance really is bliss.
Complete Withdrawal. Notice how that sounds like a strategy to get rid of an addiction? Because it is. Your addiction to that Ex is what we are getting rid of.
‘Ignore. Ignore. Ignore’ – This should be your mantra.
This is implemented for 21 to 45 days. A month would be a an ideal amount of time.
Keep in mind, this is not for every type of breakup. If you have kids together or work together, a full blown withdrawal is not doable. But, keeping contact to a minimum is still possible.
. . .
What does this really mean?
While most people might be trying this out to get back with an Ex- that is what I was looking for too, what it really does goes much deeper than that. And that’s probably why dating coaches claim 90% success rate for this rule after a breakup.
Radio Silence and boom! You are back with the love of your life.
But is it really that simple?
. . .
What this really does for you on a deeper level :
- Stops you from hurting yourself over and over again : You know that phase where you are going through old texts and photos and remembering the good old days? Yeah, no more revisiting the memory lane and crying your eyes out each time.
- Gives you time and space to heal : The emotional mess that you are right now? This gives you the opportunity to take care of yourself- emotionally, mentally and physically. Go do that thing you always wanted to do. Hangout with your girlfriends. Book yourself a spa session. This is the time for you to be selfish and take care of yourself.
- Gives your partner time and space to heal : This is just as crucial as your own healing. Emotions are running high for the both of you, so distance is the perfect thing to figure out how you both really feel.
- Gives you Clarity and Perspective : This is probably the most important one of them all. You cannot make good decisions from the midst of an emotional hurricane. Stepping back and looking at the situation from a different point of view can do wonders.
- Gives you back your power : While long term relationships can make you feel like you cannot live without the other, this really isn’t the case. You don’t need them to be complete. This realization helps to gain back your self- confidence and to know your own value.
The ‘No Contact’ period is time that you should be spending by building yourself up again. Becoming a healthier and happier version of you is the best thing you can do for yourself.
Treat it like a detoxification of your mind and body after a breakup. Take the time to really feel and process your emotions. Sit with your pain and make sense of your feelings.
This will allow you to be more confident, calm and radiant. And maybe, your ex will realize he wants you back. Or maybe, you decide that this is not what you want. You get to choose.
. . .
While I started out hoping to get back with my ex, I soon realized that I didn’t want to. The relationship didn’t work and we were both at fault. My initial response was me clinging to what I thought I wanted. My fairytale romance that I had failed at.
From fear to a position of power and confidence. I didn’t want to be in a relationship where I wasn’t respected and valued. I wasn’t letting my emotions rule my decisions anymore. What I wanted was crystal clear to me.
This is why ‘No Contact’ works so well. Not just because it might get your partner missing you but more importantly, giving you your power back. It helps in redirecting all your focus and attention right where it should be- on You.
Be everything you believed you couldn’t be- genuinely happy, confident, consistent and emotionally stable. Instead of being bitter and insecure, be grateful for the lessons they taught you about everything you don’t want and will not tolerate anymore.
Healing and moving on after a breakup is not easy but, taking the first step is up to you. The decision is yours to make.
This post was previously published on Hello, Love and is republished here with permission from the author.
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