There’s an old saying among divorce lawyers —
“The person you marry is not the same as the person you divorce.”
It’s a caution about the embitterment and vengefulness that people can show one another in a breakup, and it usually prefaces the lawyer’s advice never to give the benefit of the or expect fairness or decency.
Comment from Jewel Tramontino
…
Except in my case, my husband is the same person I married.
I just didn’t see it.
I missed all the red flags in my twenties. Every single one.
- Controlling, check!
- Asexual, check!
- Critical, check!
- Not communicative, check!
I married a man whom I could never please.
I realized I went from a narcissistic, hyper-critical mother to an equally malignant ex-husband. And guess what? They both destroyed what little self-esteem I had left.
Of course, what that says about me is far more important. What was I trying to prove?
That I wasn’t lovable.
I finally figured out my neuroses. Whew. It only took half my life, lol.
I just repeated patterns I was used to. OVER AND OVER again. Trying valiantly to please a difficult mom. Every accolade wasn’t good enough. I never was “whatever” enough for her. In my 20s, I found a man who was just the same. And the wheel turned.
Nothing can ever make up for a relationship in which you accept less than you deserve. I settled for so little for far too long.
So, the person you married might be the same person you divorced.
I just realized it in the 23rd year of my marriage.
It was time for a change.
Now, I choose myself.
Read this to know when I knew my marriage was over:
When Did You Know Your Marriage Was Over?
The moment you realized you needed to leave.
medium.com
And this is why I left:
The “Dead Living Room” Marriage
Is your union more than a dead bedroom?
medium.com
Follow me at [email protected] (It’s free motherfucker and I’m worth it!)
Buy me a chai tea (my fave!) at [email protected]
Support me at ko-fi/monalisasmiled because I’m interestingly evil…
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
From The Good Men Project on Medium
 |
 |
 |
 |
***
Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—–
Photo credit: jurien huggins on Unsplash
