Let’s talk about the shift in power in adultery.
I’ve done this enough to have seen this play out in real time. Not in every affair, mind you. But in most.
Women have all the power in looking for an affair.
No one can dispute this.
You could advertise having three nipples and you’d still get, “You sound beautiful!” texts and “I’ve always wanted more boob! Another one to play with!”
You can advertise no teeth and some guy will find you attractive. “No worries about biting my you-know-what, lol.” And, “I bet the rest of you is gorgeous.”
You could be a felon on the run. “I stabbed my last partner cause he did me wrong.” And, “Hey, baby, that’s awful that he wasn’t good to you. I’ll always treat you right. We’ll just keep the knives locked up.”
You are a queen. Unstoppable. Everyone wants you.
You leave your machete at home, put in your teeth, and adjust your rack. You’re gorgeous and game! And decent, charming, and fun. You maintain that balance of being not too desperate, but vulnerable and interested.
Girlie catnip.
He’s oh-so-smitten.
Affair starts. She’s flexible in scheduling and in fucking. Lovely to look at and everything he could hope for.
What happens?
I can tell you. But I am sure you can guess.
The power slips through her fingers faster than she can blink.
Woah. Let the Adultery Games Commence!
Who won’t text first? Him.
Who will come up with lame excuses? Him.
Who will start to get “weird.” Him.
Who will “dial back” because “this” got “out of hand.” Him.
Who won’t be quite so available? Him.
The power dynamics. It’s in his hands now.
When your panties hit the ground, he had it back. When he watched them crumple to the hotel room carpet, from that point on, things were under his control.
IF he was a good lover.
She was toast.
The solution was to not care. Easier said than done. When you remove your emotions, you retain your position. Hold your cards close to your chest.
If you feel like you’re “losing” the game, maybe you are playing by the wrong rules.
You have agency.
You get to make your own decisions. If a man is acting passive aggressively, you have the capacity to tell him to fuck off. It’s time to get under someone new!
Let’s get that power back, baby.
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Previously published on Medium
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