Waiting on an apology?
The second he answered my call, I broke down in tears.
We hadn’t spoken in 18 months. When his birthday passed, I considered reaching out but failed to act on it. And then another year went by, and I felt it best to chalk it up to a loss that had dissolved for good.
But I’ve been thinking a lot about apologies lately, and about the people who fell out of my life in the last few years. Some of them I missed, some I did not. But a few popped into my mind from time to time, leaving me wondering how — or if — I should attempt to reconnect.
Last week I posted an Instagram reel that propelled me into action.
“Right now, most people are waiting on an apology that they feel will never come.
But guess what? Right now, someone is waiting on an apology from YOU that they feel will never come.”
I can’t tell other people to give overdue apologies without doing that myself.
That day I made a call that restored a friendship with someone I had a minor falling out with.
But that one was easy.
…
The hard apology
A week later, I woke up thinking about that video. I decided to challenge myself to continue finding people to whom I owed apologies.
His name came to me right away.
This one would be hard. I felt shame over how things ended between us. I had badly mishandled a high-stress situation with him, and furthermore, had neglected to apologize even after things cooled down. I had washed my hands of him and hadn’t looked back.
I wasn’t proud of what I had done and I knew that my behavior had been very hurtful to him. This was an apology where I had to own my actions and face up to what I had done.
At first, I fumbled through figuring out what to say and then I decided that I just had to do the hard part first — making the call — and then I’d figure out the rest.
I felt strong as I waited for him to answer. I was doing the right thing and I felt proud of that.
But the second I heard his voice — that gentle and concerned tone that I hadn’t heard in so long — I fell apart. The tears came and my voice got caught in my throat.
I could barely get the next words out, but here’s what I said.
“This is long overdue, but I want to apologize and I want to make right between us.”
I told him that I took full ownership of my actions — this is a huge part of a legit apology. We must own what we have done in order to make right.
His reaction was so open and forgiving and I realized that he felt how heartfelt my apology was.
Maybe that’s because he didn’t just hear the standard words of “I’m sorry”.
What I said were not just words — they were intentions that were clear, sincere, and heartfelt.
During that call, we restored a friendship that I thought was lost forever. In the end, when he said he loved me, I realized what I had lost by failing to reconnect with him sooner.
He was someone who truly held me dear in his heart — and those people are hard to find these days. But I had let him go far too easily.
I let someone who cared deeply for me fall out of my life because I didn’t have the courage — or willingness — to apologize and make right.
That day was a reminder that every day I choose what I leave unspoken, unaddressed, and unhealed.
All that stuff is unnecessary weight that I am carrying heavily in my soul.
But it’s a choice.
Every day I get to choose whether I avoid or address the weight I am carrying within me.
Sometimes it’s as simple as making one call and saying the right words.
It’s more than saying, “I’m sorry”. It’s about telling the person that you want to make right. That you want to restore the relationship. That you recognize you mishandled the situation or acted disrespectfully.
It’s about taking ownership for hurting them, doing them wrong, or failing to do what was right. It’s saying the actual words and saying them with sincerity so they know they aren’t just an obligatory sentiment.
For the more hurtful or serious wounds, people need to see that you were affected by the pain you caused them.
That shows that you feel empathy, which is a highly connecting energy between people.
For an apology to feel legit, we want to see that the person truly feels remorse, regret, shame, or embarrassment over what they did.
Only a psychopath feels no remorse or empathy when they learn they hurt someone dear to them. Don’t be a psychopath. And don’t date them either.
That day, I lost the heaviness I had been carrying around by having unresolved drama with this person. It never feels good to have unresolved tension with anyone.
So don’t let unresolved drama hover in your soul.
Restored relationships are one of the most beautiful blessings we can have in life.
Especially when we think they may be lost for good. ❤
🙋🏻♀️ I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments — chime in!
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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