At the beginning of a new relationship, it can feel like you have just found your very best friend in the entire world. You want to spend each waking moment just asking them questions, getting their thoughts and ideas, their opinions and finding your shared experiences. You might even go so far as to say, “We will always be friends, no matter what happens!” And in that moment, you mean it.
But then somewhere down the line, things are not as rosy. They don’t answer the phone when you call. They don’t want to share the things that are happening in their life, because they already had to tell other people and they don’t want to rehash it again. They start cancelling plans with you, even ones that they made just an hour ago. You used to be their “person” and now you are a complete after thought. Someone to take to the movies, occasionally, because they don’t want to go alone.
So, the inevitable happens. You break up. Suddenly, they are there again. Texting day and night. It’s confusing and harmful to you as you still have feelings for this person, so you make the decision to stop. You tell them that you need time alone to figure things out. And then the message comes- “I thought you said that we would always be friends.”
I know. It pulls at your heartstrings. You did promise. But please, do not be fooled by this text. They are not your friend and they don’t want to be your friend. They just want to have complete control of the situation. If you journey down this road, you will find that they will text or call you only when they crave some attention. This will leave you in a horrible place, unable to move on with someone who truly values you and your time.
You should never feel pressured to remain friends with an ex. That is not what a real friend would do. They would want you to take as much time and space away from them as you need, to sort things out. A person who truly loves you, will always want the best for you!
This post was previously published on Hello, Love.
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