The Psychology of Limiting Beliefs: How to Rewire Your Brain to Get Exactly What You Want

You say you want something, you know you really do want it, yet somehow you never end up getting it.

We have all been there.

So here is what your brain tells you about this specific thing you want so badly: you want it, but you’ll never get it.

So what do you do? Most likely, you will keep doing what you have been doing or something similar. You try for a different outcome, but that little voice inside your head, even when things are going amazingly well, tells you ‘but don’t believe in this too much, don’t put your whole heart into it, most likely this won’t work out in the end, you’ve already tried this several times we know the ending’. This, in turn, generates the same experience of failure, which once again goes to reinforce your belief that in fact, you are never going to win at this. That somehow in the end you won’t achieve what you wanted.

Welcome to the self-fulfilling prophecy.

If you are sick and tired of endlessly reading motivational quotes and self help books or listening to unsolicited advice by friends and family, read this until the very end.

Yes, there is a blockage in your system, and that is your mindset. However, the real problem is that you cannot jump in and just decide to change your mindset, realistically it’s unlikely to work.

So what can we do?

Let me show you how this works on weight loss:

The belief: no diet works for me, I’ve tried it all, I’ll never be skinny.\
The behavior: I’ll go overboard and try a very restricted diet just to prove it works for the whole world except for me. (This will become unsustainable and at some point you will need to quit, or you will eat something outside of your diet, feel guilty and just head back in your old pattern of eating voiding any results you may have obtained at this point).
The experience: the yo-yo effect occurs again and you’re back to square one.

Please notice how this in turn has become a self fulfilling prophecy.

Let me tell you something, you cannot go in and change your belief because your experience is correct: to this day you were never able to achieve and maintain weight loss.

The only way in which you can change the experience which you have likely lived and re-lived a million times, is by changing your behavior.

The only thing you can control, is your behavior.

Forget about changing the belief, focus only and exclusively on action.

In the case of loosing weight, instead of going on an endless cycles of dieting, you decide you no longer go on diets at all. You remove the pressure of always being on a diet.

In my case, instead of going to another nutritionist I chose a scientist, someone who would take a more holistic view at who I am, my lifestyle, who would listen to what has and hasn’t worked for me in the past. I was often tired, turns out not eating carbs was forcing my body to waste immeasurable amounts of energy transforming the rest of the elements I was eating into carbs. By night time I could have eaten a chilo of pasta and I could have died in migraines from how exhausted I felt. This was not sustainable and after a few months I had to begin eating again.

Today, I eat carbs with every meal. I don’t feel guilty when I eat anymore. I am more balanced and I found that cycling was my sport, I love going to spinning twice a week and doing reformer pilates a third day of the week.

I eat much more than I used to and I stay balanced.

(PS: If you are looking to loose weight to to be healthier look her up, she changed my life http://ornellabonafede.com or email her in English at [email protected])

2. The behavior: I’m not dieting, but I commit to eating healthy 80% of times, listening to my body and going to the gym 3 times a week (which is more realistic than the 5 I had set out to do when I went on diets). I eat carbs, I don’t consider myself on a diet. Ever.

3. The experience: I began loosing weight consistently, feeling more energetic and fit. People started telling me I looked so fit instead of so skinny or so fat.

My belief: my mind started telling me that I get to choose the body that I have, that I am much more balanced and I can achieve the results I crave in the long term.

The shift in my experience gave me the energy I needed to continue focusing on my changed behavior, it made my behavior easier to put into place and, though I am human and at times I also mess up, I began seeing real results in my fitness regime.

When you are stuck reading inspirational quotes and bullshit advice ask yourself where is the crack in the system? What is preventing this system from working?

Let’s take a look at how this applies to our love lives.

Eliminating limiting beliefs that prevent us from having our ideal love life:

The belief: we have a belief, in this case a limiting belief, that is in place and is constantly on our minds. For example, if you have been dating a lot and have been experiencing a lot of heartbreak, your belief may be that no matter what you do you will never meet the right person.
The behavior: how are you going to show up to your next date, when you believe that you will never meet the right person? At your best? At your most open and vulnerable? Will you show up authentic? Because this is your belief, when you meet someone new, even if you like them, you are likely to bring a mediocre or filtered version of yourself. Because you believe this person is likely to hurt you or ghost you or leave you anyways, you are not going to waste time and energy in being who you truly are, you will be guarded and semi-available to prevent excessive heartbreak and disappointment. Maybe you will go in and be what you think the other person expects you to be like in the hopes that they will like you instead of trying to figure out if this is the person for you or maybe you’ll do the exact opposite. In any case the question is: would you date that version of you?
The experience: because this person never actually saw how amazing you genuinely are, he or she is likely not going to fall for you and is likely not going to put in any serious commitment. They will have an experience of you which is lead by that belief that in any case, it’s never going to work, so likely, it won’t.

In turn, this will fuel your initial belief that no matter what you do, you never end up meeting the right person. The cycle can go on forever, unless you decide to break it.

However, remember that to change the cycle, you cannot jump in by changing the belief.

Let’s put it into action and turn our lives around:

Out of all the unsolicited comments I receive from couples the one I hate by far the most is: “you say you want a relationship, but you probably don’t, or you would be in one.”

Right. So I have this desire, it’s not happening for me, and that must mean that I don’t REALLY want one.

Let’s be clear. I am a good looking, intelligent, outgoing 35 year old woman, this statement is actually true: I could have a relationship if I were okay with something that isn’t truly right for me, however just like you, dear reader, I am looking for my person, not for a random someone to fill a void.

The problem may be in our beliefs system. The more failed relationships you experience, the more hurt you feel, the more time passes, the more limiting beliefs we tend to form.

I read a beautiful quote that said:

Edit your life frequently and ruthlessly, it’s your masterpiece after all.

With this said my friends, the truth is that we cannot just decide that from today you will eliminate all limiting beliefs and change your mindset. That would be lovely, but it doesn’t work that way.

So how can you actually achieve the change you are looking for?

We can change our behavior, which in turn will change our experience, which will automatically re-wire our belief system, ensuring a happier life and leading us to achieve our goals.

The three step method to changing any limiting belief you have forever:

Identify your limiting beliefs.
Identify the behaviors and experience that occur on the basis of this belief.
Identify and commit to the change of behaviors you will put in place to ultimately change your system of beliefs.