Put on the spot to answer that question, Robin Reed begins to wonder if intimacy might begin with his relationship with himself.
A friend, who has been more of an adviser, coach and mentor, asked, “Robin, what is intimacy?”
I stalled. “I know what intimacy is.” I thought to myself, shoulders pulled back, chest out, eager to crow like a proud rooster.
Then she said, “Don’t answer. Don’t look on the internet or ask a girlfriend or check Facebook, just think about it.”
I stalled some more. Vulnerable, yet eager for the task because she is one of the few people who knows how to challenge, inspire and humble me all at the same time under the sacred veil of mutual trust, dignity still well intact.
My mind goes to love. Not real spirit-driven affection and acceptance, but the sticky Hollywood style kinda love that makes us sigh, wait for the dysfunctional display of neurotic behavior that later we learn makes us miserable.
Uncertain if it’s the disease of unbridled passion that curbs my superior intentions to the gutters of derailment or just a misguided sense of my own, internal romance that I often don’t know what to do with. Intimacy…true, heart-exposed, vulnerable intimacy has always been hard, perhaps even terrifying. When I question other men, I sadly find that I’m not alone.
But then I didn’t have other men (or the internet) to consult. I was called out, or better said, called IN to answer the question EVERY woman wants to ask of a man:
“Hey, what is intimacy?”
In retrospect, I think it should probably be the first thing two prospective lovers/daters ask each other for certainly many problems and hurt feelings would be avoided. But I’m stalling and you know it. Ya, I’m much more comfortable telling you what to do, but this time, as in all times of anything regarding greatness — I must go first.
Intimacy: that sacred space of connection, where two are still individuals but the lines of differentiation blur and the division of separation evaporates to nothingness. An overlay of playful humor blankets us, laughing in acknowledgment THIS space is where we always were, just had to consciously come into agreement.
The defenses ease, the walls are scaled and in time dismantled brick by brick, allowing nudity of soul to be reformatted to a new normal. You are truly seen, as spirit, as physical, as heart and soul and it’s all blended into a mixed soup of creative yumminess that can be drank to a nourishment never felt before.
Forgiveness runs a lovely and gentle course, grace flows from the belly of our truest self and a constant outdoing of each other’s affections gives a peaceful reminder that YOU, are always on the other person’s mind, heart … oh yes, and soul.
It’s love without form, without attachment and without judgment. Intimacy has no opinions eager for validation, no vanity that robs the other from the true mirror of self reflection when you look into your partner’s eyes. Realness keeps you warm, intention keeps you safe and together, you both agree to step into a circle of sacredness where time stops and a third entity is birthed to coddle and create.
Intimacy. It’s more than a word, a state of momentary bliss, orgasmic release or a burden for the attached with licenses of marriage or domestic partnerships.
It, this thing, this described state, is a place of unadulterated purity, where universe partners with us to heal, reunite to oneness and experience bliss.
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