There comes a stage in life when you finally understand your childhood.
Not with anger.
Not with blame.
Just with a strange kind of silence.
You look back and think:
“I love my father. But I don’t want to be like him.”
You remember his sacrifices.
The things he did for the family.
The moments when he was there for you.
And still, you remember the fear.
The anger.
The words that stayed with you for years.
You realise that loving someone does not mean becoming them.
Then you look at your mother.
And you think:
“I love my mother. But I don’t want a wife like her.”
You remember her love.
Her care.
Her strength.
But you also remember the things that hurt.
The things you thought were normal because you saw them every day.
Maybe you learned to stay quiet.
Maybe you learned to avoid conflict.
Maybe you learned that love always comes with pain.
Then comes the hardest realisation.
“I love my childhood. But I don’t want my children to grow up the way I did.”
Because childhood can be complicated.
You can miss it and still admit that it hurt you.
You can love your parents and still choose a different life.
You can be grateful for where you came from without wanting to repeat it.
That is not betrayal.
That is growth.
Sometimes, healing means breaking patterns you never chose.
It means learning how to communicate.
How to love without fear.
How to raise children without making them carry your wounds.
Maybe that is what growing up really means.
Not becoming your parents.
Not rejecting your childhood.
But understanding it.
And then choosing what continues with you.
And what ends with you.
You can love your family deeply and still decide that the pain stops here.
—
This post was previously published on Sushila Devi’s blog.
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