I have always been in love with love.
As a young girl, I would lose myself in romantic movies and I was captivated by a man courting a woman in a time when he couldn’t even touch her. The sexual tension and “love will conquer all” mentality is something I have longed for in reality.
You would think that Valentine’s Day would be like the Super Bowl for hopeless romantics like me, but I find it contrived and forced.
Romance is unpredictable. But, what is romance?
The Dictionary defines romance as:
- a feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love.
- a quality or feeling of mystery, excitement, and remoteness from everyday life.
In my opinion, it’s simply thought. But, it’s how you show a person that you are thinking about them that makes it romantic or not.
There are so many ways that we show people we love them within our daily life. We care about their daily needs. As a couple that shares their lives, you may provide stability for the other person in making sure the necessities of life are not something they have to worry about. They come home to find the bills are paid, food is in their refrigerator, the house is clean and they have clean clothes. You share in the requirements of a good, productive life.
And, that is surely appreciated, but it doesn’t substitute for romantic expression.
Tony Robbins believes there are 6 things we all need as humans:
1: Certainty/Comfort.
2: Uncertainty/Variety.
3: Significance.
4: Love & Connection.
5: Growth.
6: Contribution
Bills being paid, someone going to work and coming home when expected or other ways of providing physical and emotional stability check the box of Certainty. The other boxes may be checked through caring for your family, being recognized at work and continuing your education or charitable contributions.
But, romance can definitely check box number 2.
Because, once you feel comfortable and certain, many people began to feel an itch for their next adventure or wondering where their excitement is coming from. They may experience actual boredom though they are not dissatisfied with their life or their relationship. It’s just the nature of our needs that once we know we have everything we need that we ask, what now?
Imagine you eat the same dish every single day for 365 days of the year, aren’t you eventually going to wonder what it must be like to maybe have some pizza or just something different. Your taste buds dull to the expectation of the same food. You wake them up by giving them something new and different. Imagine the anticipation when you order something new and the plate arrives in front of you and then you take the first bite.
We often feel guilty for wanting more from someone when they are working to provide a good life and a good relationship for us.
If you care for your children, you make sure they have everything they need in the forms of physical security. You make sure they have food to eat, a place to sleep and everything they need to focus on their school work without worry about necessities. But, you also want them to have experiences and fun.
Why do we think being an adult means you have to give up having fun or surprises?
I think if you have a good person and they are doing everything they can to love and care for you, why wouldn’t you want to inject excitement into their life when it is within your power?
My draw to movies is fantasy. Reality is so dry. Daily life is predictable. No Superman is ever going to fly overhead and fight a bad guy. A musical moment isn’t going to occur with a full orchestra and choreographed dancers.
But, what is possible is you could walk out of your office and the man you love is dressed up in a nice suit with a dozen roses. And, he picks you up and takes you to the restaurant you have been talking about though you thought he wasn’t listening. Then, they rented a hotel room for the night so you can enjoy a beautiful view of the city following a night at a jazz club. Or, whatever scenario that makes your partner light up and feel like you know them.
And, for one night, you feel like you stepped out of your daily life into a movie and he looks like a superhero.
This story has been republished to Medium.
Photo credit: photo nic on Unsplash