Today, I have good news and bad news. the good news is, the results of the Facebook Psychological Tests are in and according to the reports I am completely normal, well adjusted, and average in almost every way.
The bad news is, you may have a few problems. I don’t want to go into any details, but according to Facebook you might be full goose bozo, and they would like me to ask if you are still taking your medication.
According to preliminary reports, and these are still being collated, and analyzed, you are not dangerous, at least not too dangerous, but if you could give a responsible person all of your knives, letter openers, scissors, and your shoelaces, and the drawstrings from your sweatpants that might be a good idea.
Also, they wanted you to know that a haircut might not be a bad idea, and maybe a new shirt or two. Plus, you might be a little too old to be eating Cap’n Crunch for dinner, and lunch, and a snack.
Facebook does want you to know they do love you, and are only telling you these things to help, feeling it is so much better to hear it from an old friend than some new kid, like Pinterest, or Yelp, who may not care about your feelings.
Facebook would like me to tell you, together we can get through this, stronger, better, and a lot less crazy, if you are willing to put forth just a little effort. They did their part, right?
A version of this post was previously published on Tim-thingsastheyare.blogspot.com and is republished here with permission from the author.
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