When we’re single we get a lot of advice and validation from well-meaning friends, relatives and online. Some more popular affirmations and pieces of advice that really may not work out so well are:
- You are an amazing person! Someone will come along, just have faith.
- Don’t go searching, it will happen when you least expect it.
- You need to be alone and learn to love yourself first before someone else can love you.
- It’s better to be alone than with the wrong person.
- You shouldn’t have to work that hard to find the right person.
When you hear this kind of thing from others, you may end up feeling powerless—and sometimes even a hopeless—around attracting the ideal partner you’re looking for. That powerlessness comes out of most of the advice you’ve been given leading you to think you have no influence over changing your situation or creating what you want in your life.
Let’s dive deeper into these myths, shall we?
Myth 1. You are an amazing person, just wait and have faith.
Okay, it’s true—you are amazing! You are special, and someone will be lucky to be with you, but, for that to happen you need to identify what you both want and need in a partner. Not just anyone will do for your amazing self!
You need to take the time to sit down and dig deep into what you want in a partner—one who can meet your needs, be on a growth path with you and listen to you. You need to put out to the universe the kind of person you wish to attract. Tell everyone you know what you have in mind, so they can keep you in mind to fix you up!
That’s how I met my husband! I gave my friend a list of everything I was looking for in a mate and she came back to me weeks later and said: “ I have a guy who meets everything on your list, do you want to meet him?” I was floored!
Of course I said “ Hell yes!” and the rest is history!
Myth 2. It happens when you least expect it.
Okay, so does that dream job often come when you are not looking for it? (Sometimes, but not often) Did your last vacation plan itself? Did your car magically appear in your driveway?
We must manifest, which is not some woo-woo thing you can do to magically have your perfect mate appear. You manifest daily already, you may just not see it until it’s pointed out to you. So I’m going to point it out to you!
You manifest your job, your home, your car, everything you own, your friends—everything you have in your life right now, right this minute you have manifested. Maybe if you look at it that way, you can have more faith in manifesting the relationship you want.
Myth 3. You need to be alone, and learn to love yourself first
This one is probably the hardest to hear, because it leads us to think we are unworthy of finding a relationship and unworthy of love, until we can get good enough at loving ourselves first. The truth is, we can be in a relationship and work on loving ourselves at the same time. They are not mutually exclusive.
Myth 4. It’s better to be alone than with the wrong person
Look, it’s a good idea not to be in an unhealthy relationship and waste a lot of your time, but sometimes being in a not-so-great relationship has its benefits. It can help you get clear on what you don’t want. You get to see your own patterns, and what part you play in your relationships not working out the way you want them to. You get to see how you react to certain kinds of people, so its always a growth opportunity!
Myth 5. You shouldn’t have to work that hard to find the right person
You worked hard to have what you already have in your life. Why shouldn’t you have to work hard to find and nurture your ideal relationship? When you don’t work hard and put in the effort to find the right relationship, do you know what happens? You either have no relationship or the wrong relationship. You want a soul mate, not a bunch of shallow dates. You need to dig deep here! Having a plan to find your ideal mate doesn’t mean you are desperate—it means you are smart!
Breaking down the myths that stand in the way of you getting what you want in a relationship is the first step to getting everything you want in a relationship. Rather than falling into a relationship of convenience, it will be more rewarding for you if you take a moment to decide what you want and work hard toward manifesting it.
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