We’re not perfect. No one is perfect. Even at a young age, we are indirectly taught about bad habits in infamous stories such as “The Tortoise and the Hare”, in which the hare’s habit of being too confident and lazy leads to his defeat in a race against the tortoise, and “The Boy Who Cried Wolf,” in which the boy’s habit of lying eventually leads to him being not believed when he is telling the truth.
When it comes to relationships, especially with our significant others, many bad habits consciously or subconsciously occur between both individuals in the relationship. The impact of these bad habits can lead to feelings of neglect, resentment, and disconnection, making it difficult for couples to maintain a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
We will use the Seven Deadly Sins to demonstrate the bad habits that can occur in a relationship. Please note that this is not an exhaustive list of bad habits; these are merely a few examples of bad habits. However, by identifying and addressing these bad habits, you and your partner can work on building a stronger and more resilient bond.
For those of you who are in relationships, I hope you are not demonstrating any of these sins, and if you are, please let this be your wake-up call. For those of you single, I hope this article guides you on how to have a successful relationship in the future and that you learn from my mistakes.
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Wrath — Starting Fights Over Text
As we all know, starting fights over text is the idea of escalating conflicts or disagreements through text messages rather than in person or over the phone. This can include sending angry or accusatory messages, making personal attacks, or using emojis or sarcasm to convey hostility.
This behaviour can be related to the sin of Wrath, as it involves expressing anger or frustration in a detached way. Wrath is often defined as strong and, at times, controlled anger. In this context, the desire to fight over text can be viewed as an expression of anger or frustration as well as detaching yourself from the face-to-face interactions’ immediacy. This way of expressing yourself will inevitably come across as hostile or aggressive behaviour.
Additionally, it can be seen as a lack of willingness to confront the situation with your partner, which can be seen as a form of cowardice. This type of behaviour can harm the relationship, as it can lead to your partner feeling disrespected and emotionally disconnected from you.
Pride — Making public jokes at your partner’s expense
Making public jokes which belittle your partner in front of others, usually in a social setting, and the joke being at the expense of your partner is a bad habit. It may have been accidental, or it may have been deliberate, but this habit can be hurtful and embarrassing for your partner. From their perspective, it can indicate a lack of respect and consideration for their feelings.
This behaviour can be related to the sin of Pride as it involves seeking attention or validation through belittling or diminishing your partner. By making public jokes at the expense of your partner, you are trying to make yourself look good, and in this process, you are diminishing your partner’s image. Furthermore, your actions may boost your self-esteem, or your behaviour may gain the approval or validation of others. The reality of the situation is that you should be more concerned or respectful of your partner’s feelings since your behaviour is a form of public humiliation. This behaviour is unacceptable, and it will never be acceptable to act in this manner.
Sloth — Getting Too Comfortable
Getting too comfortable in a relationship can refer to a situation where you and your partner stop trying to maintain and grow your relationship. Instead, you become complacent and take each other for granted. This can manifest in various ways, such as neglecting to show appreciation and affection or failing to make time for each other.
This behaviour can be related to the sin of Sloth, as it involves being lazy or neglectful in the maintenance and growth of your relationship. I understand how Sloth is often associated with a lack of motivation or effort. In this context, it refers to a lack of effort to maintain and grow the relationship. Also, a lack of appreciation or interest in your partner, failing to make time for each other, or failing to work on resolving conflicts, can all be seen as neglecting the relationship, and it is a form of Sloth. This behaviour leads to a lack of connection and intimacy in the relationship and can eventually cause the relationship to end.
Envy — Comparing Your Relationship to Others
Comparing your relationship to others and measuring its success by evaluating the level of intimacy, the level of commitment, or even the level of happiness with your friends’ or acquaintances’ relationship will inevitably lead to the end of your relationship with your partner. In my experience, the grass is never greener on the other side.
Envy is defined as a feeling of resentful longing aroused by someone else’s possessions, qualities, or luck. This behaviour can be related to the sin of Envy, as it involves desiring the perceived strengths or advantages of others’ relationships.
By constantly comparing your relationship to others, you may become fixated on what you perceive as the strengths or advantages of others’ relationships rather than focusing on the strengths and benefits of your relationship. This will lead to dissatisfaction, inadequacy, or resentment and can damage the relationship by creating a constant comparison that can never be met. The impact it will have on your partner is that they will lack self-esteem and can cause you to devalue your relationship. You need to realise how you will never know the full picture of other people’s relationships unless it is your own relationship.
Lust — The Room to Chase
The “room to chase” is the desire or opportunity to pursue romantic or sexual interests outside of a current relationship, including seeking physical or emotional gratification through flirting, dating, or having affairs. To say this is a bad habit would be an understatement.
Lust is defined as an intense desire for sexual pleasure, but it can also refer to an intense desire for anything to the point of excess. This behaviour has a clear relationship to the sin of Lust since it involves seeking physical or emotional gratification outside of the relationship. This can be extremely detrimental to any relationship, as it can make your partner feel betrayed, mistrusted, and emotionally disconnected.
Silhouette of couple having argument. Eric Ward on Unspalsh
Gluttony — The Support System
Relying on your partner for emotional support or financial support or feeling lost or even empty without them can indicate that you have an excessive need for your partner’s presence, support, or validation. Simply put, you are overly dependent on your partner, which can create several problems in a relationship.
Sadly, I have been in relationships where there was an unhealthy balance. The only pathway it goes down is a lack of autonomy and independence. It made me feel insecure and dependent on them. No one should experience these emotions whilst in a healthy relationship.
Being overly dependent on your partner can negatively affect the relationship. If you are relying on your partner for emotional support or financial support or feeling lost or empty without them, these emotions can relate to the sin of Gluttony. This is because these emotions involve an excessive need for your partner’s presence or support.
Thus, unlike the other sins, feelings of insecurity, inadequacy, or co-dependency occur within yourself rather than your partner. Whereas the other sins, the effects of the bad habit were detrimental to your partner.
Greed — Taking Control
Controlling your partner’s actions involves an excessive desire for power and control over your partner’s life. It is a form of selfishness where you prioritise your needs and wants over your partner’s. It can lead to feelings of resentment, frustration, and disconnection in the relationship.
The sin of Greed is often defined as an excessive desire for wealth, status, power or pleasure, it is an inordinate love for these things, and it can lead to neglect for other important aspects of life such as relationships, personal growth, and spiritual development.
In this context, Greed is when you are too controlling and neglect other aspects of the relationship, such as emotional intimacy, trust, and mutual support. This imbalance in the relationship, where one person dominates the other, and the other person’s time and autonomy are not respected, causes detriment to both you and your partner. Unlike the other sins, where one party is mainly affected, I would say there is a direct correlation between both partners being affected by this sin.
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In conclusion, bad habits in a relationship can be compared to the Seven Deadly Sins, as they can have destructive effects on the relationship. Each sin, whether Wrath, Pride, Sloth, Envy, Lust, Gluttony, or Greed, can manifest in various ways and cause harm to the relationship.
Be aware of these bad habits and address them; you can cause harm to the relationship if they are not addressed. Every sin has the power to be destructive in a relationship, and no sin is greater or more powerful than the others. Each sin can be considered a red flag and a warning sign that, if not dealt with, can cause the end of the relationship. Understanding and addressing these bad habits can create a stronger and more resilient relationship.
What are your thoughts on my interpretation of the sins? Do you have other examples? It would be great if you could share your thoughts and leave a comment, and I’ll respond to them as soon as possible.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit:jurien huggins on Unsplash