We’d all like to think we live in a world of progress. We have learned from the past, people are living longer, we are smarter, the sharing of information has made us super-human, and we are immune to the myopia of the past. We think, anyway.
However, those of us who have thought about it for a hot minute know the truth: People are people are people. And people are never going to change that much. The illusion of progress is misleading.
In the world of women’s rights, it is no different. We have not come very far, since society took most of women’s innate rights away. I’m going to say they were taken away, because they were.
For millennia, women had rights to things that we, as post-modern women, do not. We don’t have the right to manage our bodies the way we deem necessary for our health and the health of our families. This is most significant.
For millennia, women had access to other women who would administer herbs to abort a fetus before it was very developed. Women knew there was risk involved in waiting. And there was no reason to wait. There were no ethical dilemmas nor men’s theologies preaching against it. And WOMEN were in charge of bearing and rearing children. That is really not so different than it is today, even with men “helping” as they do, oftentimes.
But being “in charge” put them in a place of power; a place where they were allowed to call the shots about the welfare of their bodies and when babies were born. With the birth of a healthy baby, a family survived. A family thrived. It was valuable to have children. They were seen not as liabilities, but assets. Wow, has that ever changed.
There is a deep wisdom here that we, as “post-modern” women are missing. It is the very wisdom that we need if we are going to regain.
If we want to have healthy babies, we will space them out. We will allow our body’s minerals to replenish through years of preparation, eating foods that are healthy, in season, and local. In ancient times, this took about three years. Can you even imagine, with our lands so depleted by the use of herbicides, pesticides, and the lack of fallow years, how many years it would take for us? I think we would have time in our child-bearing years for maybe, two children.
However, we don’t often consider the health of our bodies before we get pregnant. We don’t think about the fact that how we feed ourselves affects the health of the embryo, fetus, and baby. We don’t think about it unless we are considering drugs and alcohol. And it goes waaaaaay beyond that.
How does this relate in any way to being a stay-at-home mom?
It relates in this one, most important way: When a woman is rendered powerless, over even her own body, her work is not valued as well. It is expected, not appreciated.
To be a stay-at-home mom or parent has become a privilege in our post-modern world. We are not valued.
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In the courtroom, I remember the words of my now-ex-husband’s lawyer, as he made comments about my being a stay at home mom. He spoke of how my then-husband worked so hard to “allow” me to stay home. Thus…a privilege.
Of course, this is a sick joke, because I was always responsible for paying bills, whether or not he was working or in school. And he was in school for 20 years. I always had at least 3 jobs, working out of the house, as well. But, all that aside, I was seen as a lazy mooch of a woman, when it really mattered.
Thus…I got nothing in my final decree. No spousal support and none of his retirement, for almost 30 years of marriage. I guess I didn’t deserve it.
How did we get here, you wonder? It’s complicated.
A few years ago, I ran into this article:
If I had done “nothing” else but the housework and take care of his children, I would have been worth this much. My God, what I would give to have access to anything like that. However, that is not reality. What I have is nothing. What so many women, my age, who gave up everything to raise their children and care for a home, have…is nothing. I know, because I know dozens of them.
We have not evolved. We, as women who can’t even make decisions about our own bodies, fumble through, try to demand respect, equal pay, and equal representation…things we used to have.
In days when money didn’t exist, women were not lesser than men. Work was work. It all had to be done. If someone failed to do theirs, someone starved…it didn’t matter which one.
In days before nations and democracy, colonization, and empire, women often had representation. And look at how long it took for us — we, and our amazing progress — to even give women the vote!
We have come a long way, baby. But, it’s not in the right direction…still.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
