Men going cold and pulling away at some point in a relationship has become quite common and there are many reasons to that which we are not going to discuss today. But the most important thing is that you as a woman, need to focus on why you need to stay high-value and how you can do that.
First off, let me define what I mean by a man pulling away. Let’s assume that you’ve been seeing someone for a few weeks. So you have invested in him a fair bit mentally and emotionally and out of the blue. He just stopped initiating texts. He’s not as engaging with you. Now he takes forever to respond to your own text messages. He doesn’t call you as often, cancels plans last minute, has gotten busier at work, etc.
So essentially you start seeing a clear shift in his energy and attitude whereby he used to be very eager to be around you and now he’s not as much. This is what I call a man pulling away as opposed to someone who you just started dating a few days ago, and he may have ghosted you or just not shown any further interest in seeing you again.
Now, there are two main reasons why you need to remain high-value when a man pulls away.
1. The fact that there is a chance that your reaction may turn things around, a man can be attracted to you again if you remain high value as he gets distant.
2. The fact that by remaining high value, you are protecting yourself worth and preserving your self-esteem and that is very important if you want to survive in the dating world.
The average woman reacts to this by panicking and trying to get control of the situation and getting him back.
And I really don’t blame any woman who does that. I used to do that myself because I’m a naturally anxious person. And I remember I could not control myself and I would start you know, texting the man, trying to call multiple times thinking of all the possible places where I could bump into him, essentially trying to force him into seeing me and giving me some sort of answer of what is going on.
The truth is I could not handle the state of the unknown that I was forced to step into. This is what it is, a situation where you just don’t know what is going to happen. And part of remaining high value is becoming very comfortable with not knowing, being comfortable when faced with uncertainty and you develop this Mindset by understanding that you can only ever be certain about yourself and nobody else.
So in a nutshell, when a man pulls away, the one thing you must not do is freak out and leave tons of missed messages to him or any of the things that I just talked about because even if he liked you at first he will think you are crazy and this will drive him away in no time.
Now, here are the five things you should do instead, to pull away.
1. Don’t try to figure out why this is happening
That’s one of the first things you will do. Trying to understand what happened.
You will speculate on the reasons why he’s not answering and you’ll try to reassure yourself that there must be some logical explanation as to why he is pulling away and losing interest.
But if you really think about it, none of this matters. It doesn’t matter why he’s pulling away because the fact of the matter is that he’s pulling away and this in and of itself is reason enough to start the process of detaching yourself.
His reasons could be anything and it’s just a waste of time and energy to try and figure out what it is because there is no way for you or your friends to know exactly.
The fact is that he withdrew himself regardless of his reasons, and your focus should be on what to do next. And if you have trouble doing that, and you’re unable to start the process of detachment, that is because you are resistant for what it is.
And so you need to work on the simple truth that is right before your eyes, the high-value way and feminine way as well is to have little resistance and accept that there is nothing to control and just go with the flow.
So when a man pulls away, do absolutely nothing to figure out why he removed himself and don’t do anything to try and get him back. Don’t show up at his office. Don’t post on social media just to get his attention. Don’t get in touch with him to see if he’s okay. Don’t ask him to meet you.
Just don’t do anything of the sort.
2. Remind yourself that you are a high-value woman
So if you are new to my content you may not know that I always talk and give advice from the perspective of being a high-value woman. I believe all women can be high value if they develop an unshakable confidence about their high worth.
And in the case of a man who’s pulling away, even a high value woman confident in her status can take a hit to her self-esteem and start feeling really down and that is okay.
Feeling a high value is not constant over time. But what is not okay is to give in to feeling down and anxious and doubting your value because a man is pulling away.
The key to overcome that is to remind yourself that you are a high-value woman and that you deserve someone who’s not doubtful and is fully and truly into you and committed to being with you.
Also, notice that I use the word deserve. When you shift the focus from who you will be with to who you deserve to be with, that’s when you start ruling out all the inconsistent men, time wasters, ambiguous men, men who are not ready for a relationship, men who don’t know what they want, etc.
If someone is no longer reciprocating your attention and your interest, tell yourself on to the next one who really likes you and shows up for you, remind yourself that you should only allow yourself to be with someone who wants to be with you 100% and nothing less.
If he has any doubts and we all have doubts you know at some point, he has every right to take time to think but you should not give him the benefit of knowing that you’re quietly and surely waiting for him.
Don’t give him this free option. And if he comes back, he will have to prove himself to you again.
3. Rebuild your feminine attraction
You might be feeling down and you feel like doing absolutely nothing but you should really try and focus on rebuilding your feminine attraction by committing yourself to actions that boost your self-esteem.
Make sure that starts from making sure you look your absolute best. Put your best makeup on, do your hair, and do your nails. Dress up even when you go in for a quick grocery or to pick up a coffee.
Get a massage, take a bath, take yourself out for a coffee, go for a walk in the park, shopping, take yourself out for lunch where you can actually come across other men and see them noticing you.
Force yourself to do things that you know make you feel good about yourself even though you don’t feel like it right now. Do it until you no longer need to force yourself and you actually feel good about yourself again.
4. Go on other dates
It may sound counterproductive to react to a guy pulling away by going on odd dates but you’ll see that it makes a lot of sense and it will be extremely helpful. In order for you to remain high value when a man pulls away, you need to feel your value.
One way to feel your value is to go on dates because you’ll feel desired by other men and you will soon realize that you have plenty of other options. And this man was just one of them.
5. If you want to get in touch do this
Obviously, the best thing to do is not to get in touch with him until he does but sometimes you just want to know what is going on perhaps so that you can move on completely. I totally understand that.
So if you have not heard from him for at least four or five days, you are allowed to send one single text message. No calls or showing up at his office. His response or absence of response to this text message will tell you everything you need to know about it.
Here’s an example of a simple text message that will still show you as a high-value woman even though you’re the one approaching.
Say “hi. Just wondering if you’re okay as I have not heard from you for a few days. I hope you’re fine.”
By sending this you will reach out in a way that shows that you were not too worried that he disappeared and that you just hope he’s okay. But you don’t really expect nor are you waiting for a response from him because you are concluding with “hope you are fine”. If he does not respond to this text message, you can assume that he’s ghosting you and you can just delete his number and move on. But if he responds and his answer does not sound like an apology and does not leave the door open to further exchange of messages, then it’s your turn not to care.
What do you do if he shows up and comes back?
The first thing is to actually be prepared for him, ignoring the fact that he has pulled away and disappeared but he could surprise you and actually be apologetic in both cases. Don’t get angry and don’t blame him.
Don’t say things like, where have you been? I was very upset or I was very anxious, something like that. He does not owe you anything really. You should approach it in a very playful way and from a curious angle and show that you almost have not noticed that he actually disappeared.
You can just say something like, well, what happened? I got a bit worried for you. And don’t say any further basically, you don’t really care about his reasons, that you really worried and that it did not affect your life. It’s very important that he feels that you’re not mad, not angry, but you’re indifferent.
And that actually he needs to prove himself and rebuild the trust and the relationship again. And that’s how you stay high value when a man pulls away.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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