In my first book, iSucceed, I talked about the birds-of-a-feather phenomenon. It first happens in our teens when we’re most influenced by our peers. We tend to reject our parents because we believe we have all the answers, but at the time we seek approval from our classmates and especially those of we find attractive. We want to be popular. We want to fit in. So we change. Or put another way, we let ourselves be changed.
None of us would allow our friends to push us off a cliff, but we are willing to let ourselves be nudged in one direction or another. Those nudges act like snowflakes.
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Jim Rohn talked about the power of influence being both powerful and subtle. None of us would allow our friends to push us off a cliff, but we are willing to let ourselves be nudged in one direction or another. Those nudges act like snowflakes. One will have little if any effect, but enough of them and you’ll find yourself buried under. Growing up I detested smoking because of my father, and I vowed to never smoke a cigarette – I never have. Nearly all my friends around me though weren’t so lucky. Two packs a day for some. I remember being in a room with seven smokers many nights. I tolerated it because they were my friends, but I still hated it.
Alcohol is another push we get in school. In the US the drinking age is 21, but for much of the rest of the world 18 seems to be the standard. Despite age limits kids the world over have little trouble getting their hands on alcohol and cigarettes. It’s easier enough to ask a “friend” to buy some for you. The difference between the two is cigarettes kill you slowly, while alcohol could spell an early departure for you. A classmate of mine was involved in a DUI (driving under the influence) which totaled his brand-new BMW 325 and landed him in a coma. Against all odds he woke up after two years, but the damage was done. He would never walk again. A promising student (trilingual, pro golf potential and a 3.7 GPA) with everything to live for yet one night of drinking and driving cost him almost everything.
Drugs are the most insidious influence for kids and adults alike. As I’ve never been into to drugs I can’t imagine just how powerful they can be, but an acquaintance of mine who was once addicted to crystal meth told me he was hooked from the first hit. It almost cost him his life but he somehow managed to get clean and is now happily married with a child. Most people aren’t so lucky. The famous singer, David Bowie, in his 30s looked around and realized all his friends were dead.
Influence is always around us pulling us in one direction or another. We must resist the dark side by continually filling ourselves with positivity. The shows we watch play a part. The books we read play a part. What we check on the Internet plays a play. But people play the leading role. Jim Rohn taught me that we “are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” I refer to this as the Big Five and it’s as true in school as it is in life.
We should all, from time to time, take an audit of those people around us and ask ourselves four very important questions:
- Who are the people I spend the most time with?
- How much time am I spending with them?
- How are the people around me affecting me?
- Is that what I want?
Each of us has to judge what we are willing to accept in our lives.
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People come into and out of our lives. I’ve cut ties with a number of “friends” not because I didn’t care about them, but because I did. I realized that while we enjoyed hanging out, we were holding ourselves back. Our safety net had become a trap. Each of us has to judge what we are willing to accept in our lives. Ever since I became a father, profanity is something I work to limit and expect the people around me to respect my decision. I don’t mind a certain amount, but there is such a thing as too much. We should all establish what we are willing to accept and what we aren’t. That might mean limiting our interactions with some friends and with others completely shutting them out. Do not make these decisions lightly. But we only get one life and if we’re not headed down the right path, only we have the power to change it.
I’m a productivity expert and have found that the biggest obstacle to our success is ourselves, but our associations are a close second. Changing ourselves takes time and discipline, so why not start with the Big Five. Want to transform your life quickly? Get new friends. Want better health? Hang around healthy people. Want to make more money? Get around successful people. Influence really is that powerful.
Photo by David Tran on Unsplash