An existential poem about suicide by Alexander Humphries.
—
You left me on a telephone line
wondering if you were still going to be alive
when the sun climbed up the side of dawn,
or hanging from an extension cord,
and thumping against the back of a door
convulsing blue against Life’s crying crystal eye —
shines hazel with the sunrise —
turning your favorite shades of purple and grey.
Your body fades into an overcast dusk into decay
cradling death’s welcoming hands.
Without delay you desire
to mesh with the inanimate forces of life,
to be truly unseen,
while remaining un-dead in my memory.
I can still see you in my dreams
radiant in the rain in May.
I’m writing this as though you are already dead.
It doesn’t occur to you that there are other ways of doing this?
So blinded by sheer pain — interpersonal and justified —
the intrapersonal syntax of suicide,
like a burning spear,
Is all that is
in your mind.
You tell me you want to die
as a testament of what a human can endure — mind, body, and spirit.
In a rage against me you scream
that you don’t care,
“BUT SOMEONE WILL HEAR ME.”
The National Suicide Prevention Hotline is National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255)
Photo: Flickr – Elvert Barnes/”09.WhatSay.Self.SW.WDC.28nov05″