The Young Girlfriend Rebound

Sunday, I held an open house at my farm. I am renting it out for the next few years in order to get my feet on the ground. If you’ve followed any of my writing about my divorce, you would understand why. If not, here’s the gist:

I got my kids in mediation…sole custody. In court, however, he got half of his (forgivable) school loans paid off, half of the house, and I had to pay for my own lawyer. I made 15K that particular year. He made 105K. There had been no spousal support and no child support until the court finally ordered it. And then, there was no spousal support. (We don’t have alimony here)

Enough perspective.

Before that time, before the divorce got ugly, there had been a man in my life. He was much older than I was…20 years, to be exact. He had been married five times. With the first four women, he had the same story. He was never appreciated. He didn’t feel loved. He didn’t feel prioritized. He tried so hard…and they didn’t really love him, apparently.

His current wife (yes, he was married…boo), was different. I knew her. She was super sweet, loving, and nurturing. There was just no chemistry between them anymore. You know the story. He was going to leave her. After, of course. After she was well, or after she could start making a living for herself again, after she didn’t need him so much…whatever.

He was so bold as to call a realtor during one of our work trips to look at houses. We were in Colorado. I have always wanted to live in Colorado since I was a little girl and visited my aunt there. I still do, most of the time.

He set up a tour of some homes for us. As we walked through the houses, it was surreal. Could I really see myself in one of these…with him? Could I see my children being okay with this man? Could I see anyone being okay with it?

Yes, I am a people-pleaser. But my children matter all day, every day. And I couldn’t. Looking at homes, I had “that” moment…the one that tells you that it will not work, no matter how much you’d like to see it work, no matter how much you love them. A few months later, I ended it. That was the first acute heartbreak I had ever experienced. My marriage had been decades of heartbreak, accumulated and dragging me down in order to drown me. This…this was different and so very terrible.

But this article isn’t about heartbreak. This article is about what I saw Sunday.

Sunday at the open house, there were maybe 100 people that came to the house, wandered the property, and explored the barn. It was actually pretty okay. I love seeing people love my land and fall in love with my home. But the first family really sparked some memories.

It was a man, likely in his late 30’s, early 40’s. With him was a girl who looked like she might have been 25 and a boy who was clearly a late teen. He took the tour, then chatted with us. He mentioned that he had just left his wife 6 months ago. He stated that the house would be occupied by his kids (the teenager plus others), his girlfriend (the 25-year-old), and himself.

If I don’t know how that goes, I don’t know anything. At least he left his wife, you know? But, the potential for that to work out and be a good thing is statistically so small. In order to find the right family, I am taking all of these factors into account. I want a family that will love my land and be happy in my home. There is already enough bad juju there if you know what I mean.

I saw her face, the 25-year-old. I saw the excitement, the newness of the idea of stability with a man she was in love with. I saw myself, just a couple of years ago. At that moment, there was something in me that wanted to reach out and talk with her. I wanted to somehow be that “mom” that I had needed during that rocky time in my life.

I hope it goes well for them. I truly do. There are always anomalies, thank God. But, in that moment, I felt like my past and present had intertwined, if just for a few minutes.

I don’t know what is going to happen with the house yet. But, tomorrow is the day I call the families, one of which I will be renting my home to. It’s going to be an adventure for sure.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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