In this series, I’d like to present principles and concepts from Zen Buddhism and invite you, through journal prompts, to consider how making use of these principles might improve your intimate relationships. In each post, I’ll present five principles and two journal prompts per principle. Please enjoy!
Here are the next five principles we’ll consider.
Right Action (Samma Kammanta)
Samma Kammanta refers to the idea that we ought to be moral, compassionate human beings who care about the well-being of both ourselves and others. It includes the following components—abstaining from killing, abstaining from stealing, and abstaining from sexual misconduct—and is part of the broader ethical framework in Buddhism that promotes harmonious living and the cultivation of moral virtues. By following Right Action, Buddhists aim to create positive karma and move closer to enlightenment.
+ How might you apply the concept of “right action” to your intimate relationship?
+ Are there behaviors that you would like to eliminate or change that would support the well-being of both you and your loved one?
Naturalness (Jinen)
Jinen refers to the idea of embracing a way of being that is natural, spontaneous and without pretense or artificiality. It is often translated as “naturalness” or “spontaneity” and emphasizes a deep trust and acceptance of one’s life as it is, without the ego’s attempts to control or manipulate outcomes.
This concept encourages a deep sense of peace and acceptance, fostering a spiritual path characterized by trust and natural harmony. This naturalness aligns with the flow of the universe and the Dharma (the fundamental principles of Buddhism) and helps eliminate forced effort.
+ What sort of pretense or artificiality currently occurs in your intimate relationship?
+ Picture that pretense or artificiality dissolving. What do you see?
Non-judgment (Hishiryō)
“Hishiryo” is a term from Zen Buddhism that translates to “beyond thinking” or “non-thinking” and refers to observing thoughts, feelings, and experiences without labeling them as good or bad or right or wrong. It represents a state of mind that transcends ordinary thought processes, achieving a deeper level of awareness and presence. This concept is particularly emphasized in the practice of Zazen (seated meditation), where practitioners aim to reach a state where they are not caught up in the usual patterns of thinking, judging, or analyzing. Instead, they enter a state of pure awareness, where thoughts can arise and pass without attachment or involvement. Key aspects of this concept include non-duality, presence, acceptance, and awareness.
+ What would your relationship look like if there were “less judging”?
+ Imagine being with your loved one “beyond thinking.” What do you see?
Wholesome Associations (Kalyana Mittata)
Kalyana Mittata refers to surrounding oneself with wise and virtuous companions who support and inspire one’s spiritual growth. Spiritual friends provide guidance, support, and encouragement on the path to enlightenment and help each other to stay committed to the practice and to overcome obstacles. By associating with virtuous friends—that is, friends who are wise, kind, compassionate, and reliable—individuals are inspired to cultivate good qualities such as compassion, wisdom, and ethical conduct. The Buddha taught that having good spiritual friends can be more influential on one’s progress on the path than one’s own efforts alone.
+ How might you and your loved one become more “virtuous companions” to one another?
+ What might a better “spiritual relationship” with your loved one look like?
Right Intention (Samma Sankappa)
Sammā Sankappa is a term from Pali, the language of the Theravāda Buddhist scriptures, and it translates to “Right Intention” or “Right Thought.” It is the second component of the Noble Eightfold Path in Buddhism, which outlines the path to enlightenment and liberation from suffering. Right Intention encompasses three aspects: the intention of renunciation (fostering detachment and simplicity); the intention of good will (the cultivation of compassion and loving-kindness); and the intention of harmlessness (including a commitment to peace, gentleness, and non-violence). By practicing Right Intention, individuals aim to purify their minds, align their thoughts with ethical conduct, and support the development of wisdom and compassion.
+ Can you sense when you are holding a “right intention” toward your loved one and when you are holding a “wrong intention”?
+ What might help you more consistently hold right intentions toward your loved one?
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READ PART ONE HERE
More to come!
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In the midst of life’s ongoing pressures, a powerful, ten-second technique can change fear or worry into calm, strength, and centeredness. The basis of Ten Zen Seconds lies in using a single deep breath as a container for a specific thought. Blending Eastern principles of breath awareness and mindfulness with Western principles of positive psychology, this guide presents meditative incantations that offer powerful antidotes to stress, procrastination, and anxiety.
The technique is simple to grasp, simple to use, simple to practice, and simple to master. It can be used anywhere, anytime, by anyone, and it provides profound benefits. You’ll find yourself able to do things that previously felt too painful or too difficult to attempt and discover how to quiet and center yourself before an important meeting or conversation. Ultimately, you’ll change your basic attitudes about life, becoming peaceful and upbeat instead of anxious or pessimistic.
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