When asked what she would like to invent, one of my young students exclaimed, “The time machine!” “ What for?” another kid queried. She gleefully responded, “ so we can all go back in time to fix our mistakes and not hurt anyone.”
What a thoughtful idea from someone who couldn’t have possibly committed major blunders nor inflicted tremendous pain on anyone yet. I gave her an A+.
That wasn’t the first time someone expressed such yearning for something which could take them decades or years back to fulfill broken promises or rebuild what was shattered. While many people my age wish to travel back in time so they could repair all the damages, I don’t. This lack of desire to undo what had occurred stems from my belief that I wouldn’t be the person I am now hadn’t heard what I heard and hadn’t events happened the way they did.
Isn’t there any aspiration to change the person that I have become? Well, there’s an everyday struggle to become a better version of one’s self. Isn’t a successful, well-rounded, and untroubled individual what we all aim to be?
“So, are you blaming your past and the people in it for the state you’re currently in?” No, not at all. Tom, more than twenty years ago, called me a loser. Is it his fault that I’m basically, a hobo? Mrs. Garcia, back in the third grade, didn’t approve of me getting my first communion because as stated by her, I was a tarnished by product of an unholy union. Is it her fault that I wasn’t in the Forbes List of Young Billionaires? I don’t believe so and I’m pretty sure, neither do you.
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Although my previous article, Things I Wish I Didn’t Hear When I was a Kid, might seem to have a hint of whining about lashings from years gone by, that wasn’t actually my aim. With that, my goal in compiling this list of things I wish I heard when I was a kid isn’t to play the blame game or to whine and moan about my dreary childhood.
I didn’t have the opportunity to hear these concepts, which I’m convinced, are extremely valuable to be aware of while growing up. I believe some of you never did either. We definitely can’t turn back time, and we don’t want unfavorable parts of our history repeating themselves, do we?
These are the things I think we ought to be telling young people so they’d spend their youth productively, and they’d be well prepared when they get to this phase called adulthood.
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Go and exercise for a strong body and a healthy mind.
As early as possible, I believe it’s beneficial to engage someone in activities that won’t only shape and tone their body but also sharpen their minds. According to an article dated January 20, 2020, Aaron E. Carroll wrote from the New York Times, almost 20% of American children are obese. That’s only in the United States. The rest of the world isn’t spared from this epidemic. As reported by the WHO, in 2019, an estimated 38.2 million children under 5 were overweight or obese. Almost half of these children lived in Asia. One of the main reasons for this is the absence of physical activities.
Lack of exercise in children causes many undesired effects — cardiovascular diseases, diabetes, decreased cognitive performance, weight gain, depression, and many others. If we want kids to perform well at school, grow up confident with a positive demeanor, and have strong bone density plus good posture until their late years in life, then let’s encourage them to go for a walk, swim, play basketball, go hiking, ride a bike, learn taekwondo, play tennis or go for a run.
Read as many books as you can.
Motivating kids to have a passion for reading is one of the best things we can do. Books can open their minds to a lot of knowledge they’d need later in life. They contain both the most basic and essential lessons one needs to learn. Not only would a kid enrich their vocabulary and enhance their imagination, but they’d also become culturally aware and geographically adept. As Emily Dickinson wrote,
“There is no Frigate like a Book
To take us Lands away
Nor any Coursers like a Page
Of prancing Poetry –
This Traverse may the poorest take
Without oppress of Toll –
How frugal is the Chariot
That bears the Human Soul –”
“Never Stop reading; never stop learning.”
It’s alright to make a mistake. If you make one, apologize and try not to do it again.
We aren’t perfect beings. We’re flawed individuals. Oh, cliches! Yes, they indeed are, but ones that a kid must be told otherwise, we end up eschewing their perceptions of themselves and other people. A friend of mine once shared how his mother used to chastise him severely every time he forgot something or did something wrong in his youth. He claimed he grew up thinking he was mentally incapacitated and only messes things up. He got over this at some point, but the damage had already been done.
One of the biggest ironies is how we transition to adulthood and still cling to this idea that we aren’t mistake-prone creatures and then impose this on people whose minds are still developing. Maturity should have taught us we should be telling children it’s normal not to be 100% right all the time because it’s a part of being human. Instead of verbally or physically tormenting them, why can’t we teach them how to apologize properly and show them why their actions weren’t acceptable and should never be repeated?
Don’t dwell in the past. Live in the present, and focus on what kind of life you’d like to have in the future.
I see nothing wrong with telling children about their ancestors, their places of origin, their ethnic backgrounds, their hardships and victories, their adventures, heritage, and the most valuable lessons they’ve left behind. Family history is important. As they say, we have to know our roots to understand better who we are and where we came from.
However, some parents or guardians prefer wallowing in the misery of their grim pasts. They repeatedly agonize over their maltreatment and misfortunes making their children grow up exactly like them-past dwellers whose part-time involves blaming everyone but themselves for what they have become.
I dated a guy whose life revolved around throwing muck at his relatives and was in constant conflict with everyone in his family. He couldn’t move on from all those atrocities he and his parents had gone through that he couldn’t be civil to any of his aunts, uncles, cousins, even siblings. His favorite statements were — “ I wouldn’t be this person if they had treated me better or if they had been helpful to my parents.” “ My mother told me my uncle was the one who stole a lot of my dad’s money when he died, so we were left penniless that’s why I couldn’t go to a more outstanding university.”
Every missed opportunity to him was a direct result of his dreadful past and not in any way related to his lack of discipline and disposition. I didn’t want to be sucked into his world of despair much more that I didn’t think it was safe for him to be having kids and raising them with that kind of mentality.
Thankfully, I didn’t cultivate the habit of basking in my past sorrows even though I heard the same sob stories again and again in my youth. I’d be a hypocrite to deny that there had been times when I indulged in self-pity and would probably still do. Still, I’m quite certain that if I’d ever been a guardian, whoever these kids maybe, they wouldn’t hear me drag on and on about how cruel people were back in the days and how they destroyed my life. What for?
“Cry. Forgive. Learn. Move on. Let your tears water the seeds of your future happiness.” — Steve Maraboli.
“Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. To be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today?” — Mary Manin Morrissey.
Life isn’t perfect but always look at the brighter and more beautiful side of it.
No, we don’t want kids living a lie believing the world is an eternal land of peace and tranquility — the garden of Eden where everything is pure and fascinating, and wrongdoings are non-existent. They ought to know that life’s full of imperfections and stumbling blocks are scattered along the way. This world isn’t consistently beautiful.
One of the Japanese students I went to a Korean language school with taught me something I’d never forget. Since the day she spoke of it, this gem has been inked on my notebooks and found on some of my social media profiles, briefly defining how I view life. Wabi-sabi — it’s a term that’s untranslatable but to put it simply, it means finding beauty in every aspect of imperfection in nature. It is embracing flaws and rawness and seeing the meaning and beauty of them.
Our children need this knowledge to not end up obsessed with perfection and constantly discouraged by the slightest blemish they see in their lives.
While failures, rejections, and heartaches aren’t pretty nor causes for jubilation, they don’t have to be reasons for prolonged mourning and agony. They can be new opportunities waiting to be explored if they are viewed and dealt with positively.
“To Taoism, that which is absolutely still or absolutely perfect is absolutely dead, for, without the possibility of growth and change, there can be no Tao. In reality, there is nothing in the universe which is completely perfect or completely still; it is only in the minds of men that such concepts exist.”― Alan Watts.
Other people’s feelings, beliefs, and practices are just as important as yours. Be considerate and respectful of everyone.
I’m terribly offended by it. It has to be stopped.
But that’s been a big part of their culture. That’s how they’ve survived. For them it’s normal and they’re not harming anyone.
No, they’re savages! I hate them. What they do has to end. Period.
So just because you’re offended and don’t approve of certain practices that the majority have to kowtow and put a halt to what they’ve been doing for centuries? Do you truly believe your feelings, rituals, and opinions hold more significance than mine or hers? No amount of wealth or fame could give you any leverage over anyone on Earth. We’re all equally important. Have some respect.
Be kind and lenient but brave to stand up for yourself and others when you have to.
Kids in grade school are vicious. They’re mean and take pride in making the smaller kid’s life miserable. They like to make fun of the weaker ones and find enjoyment at their preys’ discomfort and anguish. That’s bullying.
According to the American Society for the Positive Care of Children, there are The 3 B’s of Bullying:
- Bullier — 30% of youth admit to bullying
- Bullied — 1 in 3 students bullied at school.
- Bystander — 70% have witnessed bullying
Bullying doesn’t only happen in the US. It’s one of the biggest problems in schools worldwide and online. Kids who bully others often get expelled from school due to vandalism or frequent fights. They tend to abuse drugs and alcohol at an early age and carry these habits to adolescence. They often engage in early sexual activity and become abusive to their partners or children as adults. Worse case, they go to prison for criminal offenses as juvenile delinquents or as adults.
Children who are victims of bullying become depressed and anxious, develop eating and sleeping disorders, and lag academically, causing them to drop out of school and not finish their education. Unfortunately, there have also been cases of teenage suicide due to aggravated bullying. Those who witness bullying might also skip school to avoid being a part of it or develop depression or anxiety, leading to alcohol or substance abuse.
I believe that there are many maladjusted, antagonizing, or socially inept adults because they weren’t guided properly. Teaching very young children to be kind and patient but brave to confront predators could help them avoid being any of the 3 B’s of Bullying. Let’s help end this vicious and predatory cycle by instilling empathy, humility, and courage to children as early as we can.
You’ll meet plenty of people someday, and some of them will break your heart. It will hurt a lot, but it won’t be the end of the world. You’ll probably experience it more than once or twice, and you might feel like it will be the cause of your demise, but you’ll get stronger and wiser each time.
I thought it was all roses and chocolates and hugs and kisses? What happened? What can I do now? I’m gonna die…
I had my heart broken a few times, and it was no laughing matter. The deluge of emotions is always overwhelming and can be quite destructive to heartbreak newbies. There were friends and family around offering words of wisdom during those crazy days of weeping and feeling like my life was over. They did like saying:
“Well it’s going to be alright. Just remember that people come and go, you’ll forget about him in no time.”
“ You’ll be fine, don’t worry. You’re a strong person. Life goes on.”
“It just wasn’t meant to be. You’ll find a much better one who will love and accept you for who you are.There’s plenty of fish in the sea.”
Banalities! And they indeed are, but I’m quite sure that had I heard these platitudes when I was no more than 15, the hurtful blows of breaking up could’ve been lessened at least, and I wouldn’t have bawled my eyes out pining for someone who didn’t deserve it.
“Someday someone will make you cry; then you’re gonna have teardrops in your eyes. So go ahead and have your fun, girl…”
That’s actually from a song I played on repeat when I first came across it on YouTube.
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Although I don’t currently have a responsibility to raise kids, I try hard to relay these things to the young ones I know who need it. This isn’t to meddle in your parenting ways, but I hope you’re saying the right things to your children.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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