We instinctively know that sexual infidelity is one of the most hurtful experiences, and studies confirm this. Many spouses who have been betrayed think about having an affair of their own to get even or feel better. Betrayal usually results in ridicule and a desire for retribution.
When sexual and emotional infidelity is discovered, it can result in broken hearts and relationships ending abruptly and painfully, as well as abandonment, or intimate partner violence. Also, it may result in a loss of resources.
However, there are numerous significant reasons not to take vengeance on a cheater.
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1. They can use it to justify their actions.
Preventing your partner from using your actions to get away with something is one reason to avoid revenge cheating. Your retaliatory cheating can be used as evidence to argue that infidelity is common and difficult to prevent.
“Now that you know how easy it is to slip up,” or “now that you have done it too, you must forgive me,” might be some of their responses.
Adultery revenge assists the person who betrayed you in asking for more understanding and feeling less guilty about their actions.
The best way to get back at cheaters is to show them that they chose the easy path to happiness and have the willpower to not do the same thing again.
2. You might think differently when things calm down.
When you feel broken and betrayed, it seems acceptable to take revenge for infidelity. You won’t be a good decision-maker if you act hurt and enraged. As a result, you might want to rethink your actions once you have some breathing room and things settle down.
Therefore, if you are considering taking vengeance after being cheated on, give yourself at least sometime before you do so. Set a time limit by which you must remain faithful.
By then, you should hopefully have considered all of the repercussions and decided against cheating payback.
3. People who are considering this option might believe that getting retaliation for an affair will restore their confidence.
However, the opposite will occur. For a brief time, having your affair may make you feel desired and attractive. Knowing that there are other fish in the sea and that you have options can be helpful.
You will regain your sense of self-worth for a brief moment and experience some slight relief. However, additional emotions will soon emerge.
At that point, the self-assurance you’ve gained will evaporate, and all of the emotions you’ve tried to avoid will flood back in.
4. You will feel resentment toward yourself as a result.
Cheating to reconcile with a partner may make you appear more like them than you would like. You have been hurt by their infidelity, and as retaliation, you are cheating back.
When you know you did (almost) the same thing as them, how will you feel? Will it change how you see what they did and make you feel compelled to forgive them?
This is not the approach to take if you want to improve your mood.
You won’t find the peace you want by getting back at someone who cheated on you. It will not lessen the pain; rather, you’ll have to deal with even more resentment and rage as a result.
5. You may be wondering, “Should I have an affair to show them how it hurts?”
Hurting them will not lessen your pain. Cheating on a cheater is not the best strategy if your goal is to lessen the pain.
Any kind of retaliation rarely brings about the peace you long for.
Even if it helps you feel less pain for a short period, revenge cheating will likely add another obstacle to overcome in the long run.
Cheating out of revenge won’t help you deal with your feelings or come up with a plan to get past the situation.
Unfortunately, taking revenge on a cheating spouse will not improve the situation, despite the appearance of it. It can only be dealt with by going through it.
6. Reconciliation becomes less likely.
Be careful not to cheat retaliation if you think you could make it work. Both of you will fall into this spiral.
It’s best to end the relationship right away if you can’t stand them anymore. It sounds like trouble to try to get the relationship back on track this far.
Cheating in retaliationToesult in reconciliation or a fresh start.
To give reconciliation a chance, you must address the underlying issues.
Additionally, hearing a sincere apology from the cheating spouse helps to heal and forgive infidelity. The real issues and the sincere regret of the other person will only be covered up by revenge cheating.
In Conclusion.
If you have been betrayed, you may be wondering,
“Should I cheat on my wife or should I cheat on my husband?”
Carefully choose your next steps.
It doesn’t matter why you’re thinking about it — revenge cheating won’t make things better or lessen the pain. There are numerous reasons not to exact revenge on a partner who cheated.
Taking revenge on a cheater is supposed to hurt them, but somehow it also hurts you. In addition, when things settle down, you will have a different perspective on yourself when you reflect on your cheating for retribution. You won’t be able to undo your actions, even if you want to.
Last but not least, if your marriage/relationship still has a chance of surviving, you should avoid taking vengeance by cheating because it can destroy any chance of recovering from infidelity.
Cheating in retaliation won’t bring you peace. Be kind to yourself, deal with the pain, shame, and anger you are feeling, and give yourself time to process it before making any hasty decisions if you want to feel better.
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References/Citations;
Research on jealousy: Impact of sexual vs. emotional infidelity — ScienceDaily
Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater? Serial Infidelity Across Subsequent Relationships — PMC (nih.gov)
Tips on Forgiving Infidelity and Healing Your Relationship (marriage.com)
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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