Thirty Years of Marriage

I had tried to write this since March when we quasi celebrated thirty years of marriage. I say “quasi” because we had just returned from a family trip to California just ahead of the coronavirus pandemic that kept us from doing anything special to commemorate a milestone so worth celebrating.

I make my living with words. I write precise content to tell a story for law firms and business brands, and I write articles about my journey as a parent, a student of this world, and as a freelancer. Heck, I have even written about the dog.

Yet each time I start to tell our story, or some small part of it, the words just won’t come. I worried at first about why. How can I not have something profound to say about being married to my best friend for thirty years? Tonight, tired and not feeling well, I know why I couldn’t write what I needed to write.

I can’t write one article that could possibly encompass thirty years of marriage, kids, love, loss, medical crisis, career changes, and all the life that has happened between us. Whatever my talents as a writer, I can’t even scratch the surface of my feelings, or the lessons learned, in an eight-minute or less read.

Thank You

So, I have to tell the part that is on my heart tonight. Thank you. Two words, and so inadequate, yet maybe the most important of all. Thank you for being my person, the first one I want to tell about every victory, struggle, and defeat no matter how great or small.

Oh, I know there are so many things for which I owe you so much more than a thank you. The years of hard work for all that we have and all that we can provide our family, the patience you have shown as I struggled to find my own new normal in chronic illness, and thank you for your support as I have started a new career.

Those things, and so much more, are like naming a teaspoon worth of dirt from a mountain. So tonight, I want to make sure you know how much I appreciate you remaining the person I want by my side in life’s glorious moments and the darkest of storms.

When I get good news, even about inconsequential victories, it is almost like it isn’t real until I have shared it with you. If I am mad, upset, or thrilled, I have a visceral need to share it with you.

Waking up after surgery, in pain, confused, and medicated, you are my safe place. Facing heartaches that I thought for sure would break me, you were there by my side.

If I am worried about a kid, you know before I have to say a word. Far too often, I take for granted having someone by my side that can read my mind from across a room.

How many times, I wonder, have we laughed until we cried? We are blessed because those outweigh the times we have cried until we have laughed. You know, and anyone who has been a relationship very long knows that it hasn’t always been easy. Actually, that is an understatement.

Doing the Hard Things — Over and Over Again

Marriage is hard. We have hurt each other. We take each other for granted, we want different things, and because we are human, we take out our frustration on each other far more often than we should.

We are two very imperfect people who purposed to build a life together, but there have been so many times when I think it was only sheer stubbornness that kept us going. You never quit, so how do I say thank you for that?

Tonight, when I didn’t have to explain why I cried at a stupid movie narrated by a dog, I finally realized why I couldn’t write about what I have wanted to say since March. The gratitude I feel for this journey we have been blessed with is too big for an epic novel, never mind an article meant to be consumed in a few minutes.

Of all the things I have not said enough, “thank you” tops the list. Thank you for being me fellow traveler on this journey, and thank you for being the keeper of my memories, my safe place, my home, and the love of my life. Thank you.

For those of you in long-term relationships, whether you are just getting started or have a lifetime of memories behind you — my hope is that you know gratitude that is too much for words.

—

Previously published on medium

*******************************

***