Love it or hate it, dating apps are still one of the more preferable ways people use to find a partner.
You can see more and more articles out there telling you how to swipe the right way, so you don’t fall for people who want nothing but casual dating.
Speaking of casual dating, ever wondered why so many people hate it? After all, not everyone’s ready for a serious relationship, right?
While it can be true, casual dating is more than just a dating trend. Many believe it brings more negative impacts than positive ones.
Don’t believe it? Here are the cons of doing casual dating:
1. Casual dating makes you compromise more than what you’re willing to do
After one rough breakup, I decided to get back on the dating apps with no intention of looking for something serious. So that put me in a “casual fling only” box on the pool.
It didn’t take long until I found someone who (surprise, surprise) also went through a breakup. We clicked but made it clear it’s nothing but casual dating only.
But after a couple of months, I noticed something. I was invested emotionally in this person.
How could I not? We hung out almost every day, went for a walk by the beach, and made sure we got to see the sunset together — as much as possible.
A lot was going on. It was not what we called casual dating anymore.
Yet when I finally decided to bring it up, he shrugged it off and suggested continuing our “almost-relationship”.
When you’re already emotionally attached to someone and want something “more”, you need to DTR (define the relationship).
If you leave it be, you’ll end up compromising too much.
You’ll stay because a.) you want to give it time until they commit to you, and b.) you feel like it’s too late to back off.
While in reality, of course, it’s never too late to get out of a casual relationship once you realize you want something more serious.
2. Casual dating leaves you emotionally and mentally drained
This is another reason why people dislike the idea of casual dating.
The best advice for online dating is to be straightforward with what you want. And there is a good reason behind it.
When you aren’t honest in the beginning about what you want, you let the other person decide what you can have.
You are lucky if that person wants the same things as you do. However, this isn’t the case for most people.
They like someone > they don’t say what they want > they are stuck in a casual relationship for years.
Staying in a relationship that your partner (or even you) see as temporary is mentally exhausting and emotionally draining. It makes you work harder than you should to keep that person in your life.
It will never be the case when you are in a mutual relationship.
You don’t have to convince your partner that you’re worth keeping for the long run. They will see it themselves and make it work with you.
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3. Casual dating creates deep insecurities you never had before
Those, who’ve been in a casual relationship, will agree that such a dating lifestyle can create new insecurities. You’ve never felt jealousy this strong before, but now you do.
You’ve never felt like you aren’t good enough — until now. You don’t know whether you’re wasting your time waiting for this person or they’re truly the one.
Being in a casual relationship will always put you in between.
The “what ifs scenario” game in your head got a little too strong. You don’t know how to put a stop to it.
I’ve seen some people who lost themselves trying to figure it whether they should leave or fight harder. Unfortunately, they tend to miss the big point.
If someone wants to be with you long-term, you don’t need to beg for their commitment.
4. Casual dating makes you believe you don’t deserve a long-term and stable relationship
Lastly, being in casual dating or someone’s fuck buddy, as young people nowadays like to call it, will change your perspective on a healthy relationship.
Over time, when you’re staying in one long enough or jumping from one casual relationship to another, it’ll make you think it’s OK to settle down for less.
As they said, the more you normalize something, the more your mind thinks it’s not that “bad”. Just because many are doing it, that doesn’t mean you do not deserve a long-term relationship.
Except, that is what you truly want.
However, I refuse that people want to fool around forever. Eventually, they will reach a point where they want something more than just casually dating.
At some point, they will get tired of the one-night stand type of relationship where they don’t even remember the name of the person they hooked up.
So when you find yourself saying things like, “This is good enough for me, I’m OK with casual dating ’cause I’m not ready for a serious relationship anyway”, stop.
Stop before it gets too deep in your belief system, and you end up neglecting your core needs.
Think about your long-term goal for your love life.
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Cutting off the casual dating lifestyle is hard, especially when you keep seeing people who only want that.
Sure, add it on the bio that you want casual dating rather than a serious one that can attract more potential dates. However, consider its long-term effects.
I still believe that setting the right intention will shorten the time you have to spend on dating apps.
Just blindly swiping without having a goal in mind will create lots of unnecessary heartbreaks and shallow relationships.
Forget the idea that you have all the options and time in the world to look for a partner. If you can start now, why wait?
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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