If you think men don’t suffer for love, you’re wrong.
It’s easy to see how women are heartbroken when a man leaves them. You have the clear stereotype of the girl who buys ice cream, watches a comfort movie, and cries until she gets over him.
But what happens when a man feels heartbroken?
You’d think it’s time to party, meet new women, and drink all the beer in the bar. Men want to celebrate their newly-acquired freedom. Except that image is far from reality.
Meet the first club for broken-hearted men.
Roberto Lázaro is an argentinian musican. When his ex-girlfriend ended their relationship of seven years, he created the Club of Men Who Were Abandoned by a Woman (in Spanish, Club de Hombres Abandonados por Una Mujer).
The club was a success.
It’s a place where men meet to overcome breakups. They talk, share stories, and support each other. The club gathered up to 1,700 men from multiple countries. Who would’ve thought so many men needed help to overcome their heartbreaks?
Such a high number breaks the stereotype of the man who wants to enjoy their single lifestyle. It shows men also suffer for love and enjoy friendly support to overcome the pain.
It sounds simple, but this club shows some interesting behaviors.
Why is this club weird?
Does the idea of a club where men discuss their feelings sound weird to you? If yes, do you wonder why?
Men aren’t free to discuss their feelings.
The feminist movement brought multiple advances to our society. Yet, you’ll find countless people who simplify it to an extreme. They believe only women suffer from this oppression. But this example shows how men hurt as well.
Even when they’re in pain, they can’t express it.
In this interview, the founder of the club says he faced prejudice when he started the movement: Other men would mock him for the initiative.
Society loves to say men aren’t in touch with their emotions. Yet, when they do, they suffer mockery. You can’t expect to change for the better when you punish men when they become vulnerable.
Everybody likes to think they’re free of prejudice.
Except, if that were true, the club for abandoned men wouldn’t shock you. When you’re aware of your prejudice and expectations, you start to understand your patterns and replace them with new ones.
Friendships are powerful.
The club for abandoned men shows the power of friendships. Instead of going through the breakup alone, the support from others makes all the difference.
Here are some ways your friends help you:
- Entertain you. Trust me: When you’re in emotional pain, it gets overwhelming. It’s all you can think about, and it feels like you’ll never overcome it. That’s why sometimes all you need is to get your mind out of the problem, so you can breathe a little.
- Validate your feelings. Support has different shapes. It can mean listening, brainstorming solutions, or just validating your emotions. It’s simple, but sometimes you just want to hear you have the right to feel your emotions.
- Give you a new perspective. Your emotions cloud your judgment. Although your friends are on your side, they can see things that you can’t. There are always two sides to the same story, and a new perspective can help you heal.
You don’t need to become a member of the club to have friends. Your current friends and family can help you. They may be more supportive than you think, so don’t be afraid of their judgment (if they do judge you, maybe that friendship isn’t as nice as you think).
Don’t hesitate to ask for help. You don’t need to face your problems alone.
Your interpretation makes your reality.
Let’s be honest: Nobody likes to be dumped. When someone you love leaves you, it hurts almost physically. To make it worse, it’s completely personal: It means the person you love doesn’t love you back (or, at least, doesn’t want to be with you).
Thinking positive is nice, but it sucks to be heartbroken.
But let me reshape your thinking. Things are never good or bad; they just are. What makes it good or bad is your interpretation. Heartbreaks are no exception.
Your interpretation shapes your reality.
You can choose to stay down or to create a new meaning to a difficult situation. Roberto Lázaro used this opportunity to create a supportive club. Now, the breakup isn’t only a breakup: It’s a place where he can meet interesting people and help them.
It’s the same situation but a different outcome.
You don’t control what happens to you. But you control what you do about it. It’s easier said than done, but that’s a powerful mindset shift.
The club of abandoned men shocks you because it breaks gender stereotypes. Although we have advanced a lot, some emotions are more associated with either men or women. Suffering for love is more likely a “woman’s behavior.”
Yet, emotions don’t know gender.
Everybody goes through hard times. Even if you don’t have trouble with love, your life isn’t perfect (no life is perfect). So what do you do when you face challenges?
You’re not weak because you want a support group. It takes courage to be in touch with your emotions.
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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