Let’s start with an acknowledgment that nothing is perfect. However, it definitely isn’t greener if we look around at partnered friends and acquaintances.
Please read to the last because it’s the key to life
People usually associate single friends with the ones who are lonely. I argue that feeling lonely in a committed relationship is much more painful. There isn’t an easy out. If you live with your partner, your home isn’t even a sanctuary of comfort. That guy or gal who makes you feel bad is around every corner. Or if you are out in a social situation, they are likely around too. No escape unless you start living a parallel life.
Being single naturally has its share of lonely nights, but there are countless non-romantic options if you search them out. Community events or Meet-Up groups have everything from book clubs to Karaoke; you just need to find your peeps. There is no shortage of incredible people looking for connection; take a chance and put yourself out there; it’s easy to find kindred spirits.
Unfortunately, we often associate this as a gender thing, but that’s incorrect. It’s probably fair to say women have a better chance of tapping into the bank account for shoes, clothes, and general shopping habits. However, it’s equally valid that there’s a good chance men are draining their accounts with big-ticket items like cars, golf, and sports….. So it’s an issue for everyone.
You have one life to live, so enjoy your expendable income however you want. Or hoard it away and count it like a miser if you choose. When you are single, it’s entirely up to you.
You Control Your Own Happiness
Have you ever been out with a large group of couples and looked around at the general dynamics. There likely are a few that seem in sync and a lot more that have tension. If not outward tension, you get the truth after a few minutes alone.
I will always be deeply envious of the harmonious couple but as for the others….I feel sympathy.
This past NewYears’ Eve, I went to dinner with a group of twelve couples. When we sat down, there was a bunch of shuffling of seats to ensure the correct person was sitting beside each other. I never got the backstory, but there were all sorts of drama between a few couples. As the wine poured, the snarky comments flowed. Some were cold and wanted a door open; others were hot. The only thing they agreed on was they were mad.
I was the only single solo at that dinner; some looked at me as if they felt sorry for me. Yet, I skipped through that evening, as I do most without a care in the world. If I am cold, I turn up the heat, and if I’m hot, I’ll sit naked on the couch, and no one gets to weigh in.
Last month, I met another couple through a child’s birthday event. Within a few minutes, the woman told me she wasn’t happy in her marriage. Recently, I met her husband. He looked like a young Jim Morrison with a sexy, mysterious voice to accompany those boyish looks. I admittedly thought, damn, she is lucky to wake up next to this every day. But it wasn’t long until he made a subtle comment about her to say he wasn’t too happy either. My jealousy of their situation was instantly over.
I am not some gregarious person to whom people eagerly tell their life stories. Quite honestly, if they knew me, they wouldn’t say anything since I will likely write about it.
However, imagine how miserable one must be to tell someone they just met that they are unhappy in their relationship. And that seems sad. I don’t mind being an ear and providing compassion to them, and I don’t judge people for talking; I’m just disappointed many people are unhappy.
As I noted, being in love and in harmony is the greatest joy in life. We all want and deserve that. I continue to hope that someday I will find my person. I have a few friends that have found true love that’s lasted over 30 years, and they are going strong. They are the lucky ones.
But unless you have natural harmony as a couple, being single is the bomb.
This post was previously published on medium.com.
You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
|White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism||Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box||The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer||What We Talk About When We Talk About Men|
Photo credit: Julien L on Unsplash