Three Reasons Lovers Don’t Ignite

What are some of the reasons a flame doesn’t ignite in an affair?

When you want to have the affair of your dreams, but it all ends with squashed expectations. Let me enumerate the three possibilities in which it can all go wrong:

1)The potential affair partner has a great personality…

There is an immediate cerebral connection, but they don’t turn your crank physically. This is a boner killer. You don’t want to open their pics. You don’t want to think about them naked. Even kissing seems far-fetched.

“Do you approve?” they ask me after sending their photo.
“Ugh, nooooo,” I think.

Why must I find men who are so smart yet so unattractive?

“So we can never meet because I would not be able to keep my hands off of you, lol,” he texts.

Not a problem, mister. We ain’t meeting if I can help it. I trust my pussy. If she’s on board, I’m good for sexy horizontal games to ensue.

You really need to want to see their face. This one is hard because you want it to work so badly. But chemistry is not something you can force. I have given this one a “go” and nothin.’ It’s one-shot sex at best. Not my cup of tea — I want a long-term lover.

Also, breaking up is hard because your relationship is based on talking/texting, and that part is going well. How do you tell someone that you are not attracted to them? I know, I know, I shouldn’t have fucked him in the first place. But sometimes you hope a spark will catch.

And at our age, it is really hard to meet someone you connect with on a cognitive level. Hell, I am thrilled if I get a text that is not “HRU.” This AP (affair partner) would write me volumes. The conversations were constant and engaged:
“What would you do if you won the lottery today?”
“What are all your fantasies?”… etc.
So many things to rif on back and forth.

Except for zero sexual flames.

2) The opposite — The AP you are attracted to, but your personalities don’t match

When your AP bores you to tears. Unbelievably sexy man and a powerhouse in bed. I am not kidding; all he talked about after sex was his keto diet. I went back for seconds. But not thirds.

“Hi! How are you?”
“Great just got my order from keto.com.”
“Nice! I had a great time yesterday; loved it when you did that thing with your tongue.”
“Me too; BTW, here is that recipe for low-carb granola bars I mentioned.”

It was diet and exercise 24/7. Optimizing his body consumed what was left of his head.

This one can go a little longer, especially if it is a FWB kind of thing. But eventually, it wears thin. These types of affairs tend to fade out on though — I think both parties sense it.

I need a man who can work my pussy and my brain. Hard to find, unfortunately.

3) Getting rejected by someone who you think is less attractive than you are

Come on, we all do this calculus in our head. The pics look good and then you meet for coffee and realize the photos were from 5 years or more ago and/or very filtered.

“Duped,” you think. Your expectations were shot to smithereens. Why is this guy/gal not what I thought? They aren’t all that you hoped for.

You put your all into the conversation.
“Oh, what breed are your dogs?”
“Tell me about your work?”
“What do you do for fun?”

And at the end of the meet-up, you realize she did not ask you one question about yourself. Then, the next day, you get the “sorry-did’t-feel-the-chemistry” text, or worse yet, you get ghosted completely.

“Why was I rejected?” you wonder. I’m so much more attractive than him. The sting fades eventually, I promise. Affairing is not fair or just; must I remind you?

We are scum, get over it.

Final Takeaway

These are some of the no-go’s in adultery land. Not having a connection mentally or physically ends any possibility of an affair.

When potential lovers don’t ignite, it’s time to look for a new one.

…

Subscribe to The Medium under MonalisaSmiled to read all of my deviance (and you know you want more!)….

https://monalisasmiled.medium.com/membership

And support my writing and read all the other awesome writers on this platform.

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.

***

From The Good Men Project on Medium

What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean?

My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence

***

Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.

All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.

A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.