If you enjoy making and smashing goals, you likely have a long list of accomplishments and need clarification on why you still don’t feel the way you had anticipated.
Hello and welcome! I was the club president and said, “I’ll be happy once X happens”
This essay will explain how to quit delaying happiness until you conquer the next obstacle so that you can begin experiencing your life to the fullest right now rather than waiting until later.
Is that a plan?
Being goal-oriented has received a poor rap in human development in recent years.
Working, doing, and hustling are stigmatized as we begin to critically analyze the patriarchy and how it has influenced our daily lives.
Our culture tends to see things in black or white. Therefore, even while slowness, mindful living, and being (instead of doing) have received more attention, some individuals have also believed that working hard and accomplishing goals is terrible.
That isn’t entirely accurate.
God forbid you put a lot of effort into anything, but it doesn’t mean you should give up on your goals, never set one again, and dedicate yourself to becoming a couch potato.
It’s about separating accomplishments from who you are as a person. For many of us, achievement has become more about who we are than what we do.
Your achievements are supposed to be something other than who you are.
It IS meant to provide you with wholesome objectives to work toward because you find them appealing; it’s a fun way to pass the time, and reaching your goals is a bonus.
If your objectives and the process of achieving them are wearing you out, it’s time to assess your feelings about success.
Considerations:
1. What is the purpose of your desires?
Emotions are the only thing that determines whether we act or not. For instance, your motivation is more likely to stem from how you believe accomplishing your goals would make you feel than from actually reaching them, such as hitting 10,000 Instagram followers, saving $100,000, or quitting your full-time job.
Therefore, “How do you want to feel?” is a better question.
Something more to think about is: what feelings do you have right now that you would prefer not to?
If you have $100,000 in savings because you feel safe and secure, you think the opposite way. Perhaps you feel ungrounded, frightened, or unsupported when you look at your finances.
Identifying how you feel, what you hope the next box checked will help you think instead, and what you believe prevents you from feeling that way right now are insightful places to start.
Is this something you want for yourself? This is another honest question. Or is it that you wish to control how other people perceive you?
Many people harbor the subliminal conviction that we are unworthy of respect, love, admiration, and belonging and that achievement is the path to obtaining these things.
We commit ourselves to getting what we desire to influence how others see us.
Our egos enjoy it because, although untrue, they believe we’re building a defiance against rejection and failure.
Consider your objectives and the things you hope to accomplish. Suppose you were promised anything you wanted, but there was a catch: you would never be allowed to disclose the information to anyone. Not a soul. At all.
Would you still desire it? Would it still matter to you if it was all grind and no glory?
2. Events cannot alter your feelings
Is it more straightforward to be happy when you have a bank full of money, a gorgeous body, the house of your dreams, and a devoted and caring partner?
Are those situations inherently more satisfying than having an empty financial account, an unwelcome chin hair, living in a small apartment with a roommate you detest because they never put their dishes away, and seven failed hinge dates this month?
Perhaps.
It’s also true that your brain is endowed with a set of coherent worldviews.
You will always carry with you the subconscious assumption that “the next [goal I hit] will FINALLY make me feel [the emotion I want].”
Your feelings won’t change if you alter your environment without modifying your ideas.
They might for a little while, but then it’s back to “well.. what’s next?” as soon as the excitement of getting what you desire fades.
That explains why those who believed fame and wealth were the keys to everything managed to achieve their goals yet remained isolated.
This explains why some women may achieve their ideal shape and shed forty pounds but still feel inadequate.
I apologize, but I don’t make the rules; the only way to have the feelings you want later is to create them now.
What is the ONE thing you can do right now to feel the way you want to? What is something you can do right now to start and finish the process of feeling safe with money?
Is $5 being sent to savings? Is it creating a high-yield savings account? Does it keep your wallet stocked with $100 in cash?
It may have nothing to do with money. You want to curl up with your favourite blanket and watch your favourite show on the couch for the hundredth time just to feel safe.
Could you do whatever makes you feel comfortable? The sense of safety remains constant regardless of the source.
And in case you feel like slapping me through the screen, the most excellent counsel I can give you is…
3. Develop a fondness for the procedure
I realize that’s cliche, but there’s a good reason behind it.
(An impending harsh love reality check is imminent.)
If you hide happiness behind the following box you tick, you will live 95% of your life hating who you are and only 5% experiencing the high that comes with achieving your goals.
You’ll live your life in this manner up to the day you wake up and realize that you have lived your entire life in anticipation of death rather than experiencing life.
You know, it’s scary?
I lived in this manner for twenty-five of my years. Although I’m thrilled that I have altered my viewpoint, I also feel bad about allowing my ego to rule for a long time.
We only have today. So, go out there and spend your time doing something that gives you a sense of purpose.
Dreaming and accomplishing are not things you have to give up on. But cease limiting yourself to that.
To ensure that finishing is merely the icing on the cake, make the process as enjoyable as the destination. Because, as you are aware, you experienced life, gained wisdom, and had a great time doing it. After all, that’s the main point of it all!
That being said, toxic optimism is seldom the end aim; therefore, the path is only sometimes simple.
It simply means remaining in the moment and dedicating yourself to making the process as good as, or even better than, the final product.
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
From The Good Men Project on Medium
 |
 |
 |
 |
***
Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—–
Photo credit: Fab Lentz on Unsplash
