First dates can be nerve-racking experiences that leave you lost and confused. There are many things that every man should or shouldn’t do on a first date. These perceptions aren’t the same for everyone and they have been shaped by the culture that we are most closely associated with.
How you act on your dates is a reflection of societal norms and expectations, but the implication of how you act says a great deal more than the words that you choose on your date. A wrong move will lead you to being lost and alone, eventually on to a new first date.
A few tips to ensure a certain level of success on your very first date:
Things you shouldn’t do:
Make a big deal about it
It’s only a first date. Save the candlelight dinner for the woman who has earned her way into your heart and into your thoughts. You don’t need to act fancy or treat your first date to an extravagant experience. That she is alone with you is special enough. More than anything, this should be your opportunity to test the waters and see if this person gels with you.
The biggest mistake that I see people make often is to run into a relationship too fast. They do this by making another person far more important to their own life than they should— and way too fast. Take it slow and make it a relaxed date, such as coffee or a walk in the park.
Bring up negatives
Nobody wants to hear about how you failed math class in fourth grade or how you were never good enough to be at the popular table in middle school. People just don’t like hearing about negatives.
Enjoy every moment of it and leave all your negatives at the door. Don’t talk badly about yourself or put yourself down in anyway, even if it is funny! This also means that you don’t talk badly about anyone else. People will love hanging out with you if you say positive things. Show yourself in your best light. Let her feel positive when she thinks of you.
Some people might love to hear you talk and you might just be a great speaker, but save your oratory sessions for the conference and meeting rooms. Talking is good as it helps you express yourself, but what you also want is for her to be able to communicate. Women, more often than not, gladly indulge in talking about themselves when you give them the opportunity to do so (I have observed this with hundreds of dates, and clients on dates as well).
This does not mean that you become a static piece of environment. Ask her questions about who she is and where she is going in life. Be interested in her. You will have plenty of time to show her who you are, but give her the opportunity to do so first. She will love that you did.
Things you should do:
Treat her with respect
Some men think of women only as a means to get to an end. Respect women. Being an asshole doesn’t help anyone; it only turns women off. Use playful and witty banter. Don’t treat her like a sex object but appreciate her for the person she is and the things that she has to offer the world.
One of women’s greatest biological desires is to show the world who they are (why do you think they love dancing so much?). While there will be a time and a place for you to show her who you are, it is most important for her to reveal herself to you. You could encourage this by being open, non-judgemental, and inquisitive. The key here is acceptance and open-mindedness. Ask her about her life, where she is at now, and where she wants to go. Once she feels comfortable with you and knows that you aren’t going to judge her, she will feel more comfortable opening up to you. This is where the beauty of a woman really shines.
Women love challenges—playful and fun challenges that are unpredictable. Too many women are used to the same boring conversations and dull monotony of life; they want something more worthwhile. As they are used to being complimented for their beauty, a man who respects them for their intellect will stand out in their minds.
Suggest a few riddles and hoops to see if she can keep up with you. Ask her about the most adventurous thing she may have done in the last six months. Test her on how she relates with her family. This is your opportunity to see what she is made of.
First dates should be fun and a playful exploration of someone new to see if you will connect and grow together. They aren’t meant for you to get serious or become attached to each other quickly. By relaxing and letting go of all the implications that a first date might mean to you, you will learn to see it as an enjoyable experience that could pave the way for a fruitful relationship.
Photo: Avinash Kotekar/ Model: Ujjwal Dahiya