The benefits and strengths of laying a good foundation in your relationship, one built on openness, honesty, trust, support, and devotion.
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Two of my closest friends are in happy, committed and seriously long distance relationships.
I have watched closely over almost a year with fascination how they make this work so well with such distance between them.
I am the kind of person who loves touch in a relationship, one-on-one time and dates so I cannot help but wonder what they are getting to replace these experiences and what the distance offers in return.
I began asking and listening to how they described their interactions and what they relied on to make them feel safe, loved, special without the regular physical contact.
One began with a chance meeting but quickly follow with their return to their distant homes. They exchanged numbers and regular texts turned into phone calls, turned into another visit.
So to begin with this type of relationship starts with the good old basics of getting to know each other, yet this was only able to happen through conversation. No movies, or groups of friends distracting the conversation, they learn early on to share feelings, emotion and what’s going on in their lives in a one on one environment.
Therefore, she said they have to be clear with their words and the intention of them.
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These relationships were not able to be clouded much by physical attractions but had to survive on emotional connection between visits which were months apart.
My friend made it clear to me that all they have is words (this couple didn’t do face time or Skype), just texting and phone conversations. Therefore, she said they have to be clear with their words and the intention of them. They cannot see if each other is upset, angry, stressed so they have to be honest about these feelings when they arise in themselves, and be prepared to share that feeling with their partner.
These couples both also regularly make sacrifices for each other
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From this I have also observed that this gives them greater appreciation of the other person, they don’t take each other for granted, that would fall apart over the distance, they build a bridge with these words of affirmation, kindness, sweet good mornings and goodnights.
These are people who are apart for a reason, they didn’t just jump on the next plane after the second date because they are working towards goals, and they are people who take care of themselves. But also as much as this keeps them that bit more independent their partner has to support the dreams, goals, lifestyle they have.
These couples both also regularly make sacrifices for each other, one visits the other and vice versa, their coming together is a compromise of how they want their life ‘together’. They design a life together as the months go on.
The commitment is mutual. They both know by just being in this relationship that they respect, love and admire each other. It takes work they are both willing to put in. They both know they want a future together and at the right time, months, or maybe years, there will be a time they can be together and that they see each other as worth the wait and effort involved in this.
When they begin to talk about a future together, they have built a solid foundation of openness, honesty, trust, support, devotion and they know whilst there is a wait, and absence makes their hearts grow fonder, that one day they will be together and that day, and every day after will be more cherished as a result.
This post originally appeared at www.senseofyou.com. Reprinted with permission.
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Photo: Flickr/Julian Carvajal
Lisa, thank you so much for sharing and the feedback. It means a lot to me. All the best as we both know you are well set up for.
Thank you for saying what I could not put into words. For the last 2 1/2 years I have “carried on” (as my Southern Grandmother would say) a long distance relationship. A relationship with someone I have only met in person – once. It has been the most rewarding and fulfilling relationship of my fifty years. And if it ended tomorrow, I would be grateful for having had this experience, no matter the heartache of having lost it. My family doesn’t “get it”, my relationship, that is. The only person in my family who asks about my beloved is my… Read more »