To Have Success, You Must Set Clear Boundaries

These past two months, I have been spending a lot of time pondering boundaries. Personal, professional and relational boundaries are critical to define and sometimes harder to maintain.

Boundaries are simple safeguards you have placed in your life to avoid you becoming burned out, emotionally spent or even hurt. Many of us have boundaries that are built based on experiences and we don’t even know it….Until today. If you are reading this, it is time for you to become more mindful and intentional with your boundaries.

But what if you have no boundaries?

Seeing my Canadian Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau, retaliate against es-President Donald Trump got me thinking about this even more.

On the one hand, Trump has no political boundaries. Rather than continue the downhill conversation about his Presidency, I will stop there. On the other hand, Minister Trudeau has clear political boundaries. He affirmed his boundaries to the world in an interview addressing his firmness with Trump surrounding trade tariffs on goods coming into Canada.

Here is an example of what political boundaries sound like:

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In my own life I have been waking early to refine boundary setting in my own life. What I have found is that once you set boundaries; and hold those boundaries in place, your life becomes much tougher in many ways. Conversations which once ended in “yes” now often end in “no”. Actions that were once done to please others are no longer present. Tasks that were once volunteered are now penciled in very infrequently. I say this not because my heart has changed, but because the boundaries I have are now being firmly upheld.

What about your boundaries?

Do you have professional, relational and personal boundaries? If you are thinking you don’t have these, or that you do but they need to be refined, here are the ways I have set boundaries in three areas of my life. Take this information and run with it in your own life.

Professionally

Instead of saying yes to a task, I now pause, reflect and often deflect the ask to a later date so that I have time to think on the necessity of the task needing to be my task. I also ask, “why” more often in hopes of getting greater perspective behind things such as meetings, calls, and ‘mandatory’ events.

Not because my heart has changed; rather because I want to have clearer boundaries for my work to avoid things like burnout.

Is this true for you?

Relationally

This one is tough. I recently read a book titled, “No More Mr. Nice Guy” which sounds much more aggressive than it actually is haha. This book changed my life. It gave me the knowledge, understanding and inspiration for defining clearer boundaries. Relational boundaries are hard because often others take these boundaries as a “change” and can easily take a “no” personally. In life, I have began to understand a key truth from John C Maxwell which states:

sometimes life is about disappointing people at a rate they can handle.

Those who truly love you and care about you will respect your set boundaries, so stay true to the boundaries you have established in your relationships.

Personally

We live in a distracted time. Our phones rip through our personal boundaries like a cold wind on a December morning. Recently, I read an article in the local paper about a man and woman who got divorced. In court, the man’s ex-wife stated that her husband had always been on his phone talking to his ex-girlfriends… Eventually, this person’s boundaries had been crossed so she asked for a divorce. Relational boundary or personal?

You guessed it, personal! If this man had personal boundaries with A — his phone and B-his former ex-girlfriends, he would not have put his relationship into dangerous waters. In your own life, it may be time to evaluate your own personal boundaries. What is acceptable to you? What would be acceptable if you were seeing this behavior from someone else’s view? Two good questions to ask in setting better boundaries.

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This post was previously published on Medium.

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