Carmen Colon wants her sons to never underestimate the importance of giving up a relationship that isn’t working.
My dear sons, I’ve spent years trying to help leave you with tips and tools on how NOT to give up or give in. After all, it’s the individuals who push beyond their fears that come out successful or at least fulfilled at the other end. Well, I mean all of that. When you dream, you dream big, you dream far, you envision the impossible and then you use your own heart and mind to get you there. I tell you this so that you don’t make the mistake of hedging all your bets on another human being’s actions.
And here in lies the rub, as they say. We put so much importance on the views and opinions of others that we turn over the very power and essence of who we are. Love is a powerful thing and it is fine when we come across those individuals who inspire us, who motivate us – who is Mom trying to kid here – who excite us and get us hot and bothered under the collar! Anyway, as you know Mom is a loving creature. Goodness, so loving that if love were currency, I’d have my own mint and sadly I’d always be broke. You all know how I love, I shower you with it every day. In fact you three are probably the only people on earth who understand Mom’s brand of love. To love unconditionally, completely, without need to define it is such a rare thing for some people.
Why Mom is an “all or nothing” kind of woman, I have no idea. Your Mom is not a quitter but when the feelings begin to change, when the gut is telling you, “Danger Will Robinson! Danger! Danger!” then Mom should extricate herself from her emotions. You’ve seen me in my major relationship mode, you’ve seen me hand over my heart a couple of times and you’ve seen me be vulnerable and afraid. The older I got the more I had hoped to be able to protect my heart by being practical and realistic.
When is love ever right? Oh there will be times that things are going so well that you feel you are the main character in a fairy tale, where you feel you personify the Prince Charming. In the beginning, love always feels good. It is truly like oxygen to a dying soul. Everything seems possible when a person ignites your mind and body. But all those feelings could be explained away scientifically.
I’ve seen each of you in love and I was so afraid that you’d gotten this from me, and I am so overjoyed that you are so much better at gauging your heart-o-meter than I am. There has been heart break but our late night moments of truth have not been as painful or fearful as I had thought they would be. You have all acquired the much-needed ability to see when things are not as they seem and when you have to cut your losses and move on, without seeing that dream of romantic bliss be realized. You are all so much more stronger than me.
I can count on one hand and still have digits to spare on the number of times I’d handed my heart to another human being – given up control of a better part of me, as an offering of my love for that soul. Well, you’ve seen it trampled on a couple of times and you’ve seen it appear at first to be a really great match. In the course of my relationships, there were times where decisions on how to move forward needed to be made. After all, there were two souls trying to make their lives work, then the really hard work about love took place. Compromise, sacrifice, commitment. Words that can drive the strongest of wills to drink and go mad. What’s an overly imaginative, closet romantic, to do? QUIT.
Yes, quit. After years of thinking that I had to ratchet up some serious bonus notches so that the other person would have no option but to fall as madly in love with me, I have come to realize that if I had given half of that love to myself I’d see that my love interest was really not the one. I would have spared myself some serious heartache.
There is nothing more lonely than wanting to be noticed by someone who is sitting right across from you and they don’t. You don’t ever want to know what that feels like. So, rather than pine away wishing someone gave you more, you should quit. Take care of your heart, your mind and everything else you were just too willing to give the lucky individual, for anyone would be blessed to be loved by any one of you. Save yourselves for the ones that look at you as if you’ve made their day and the ones who want to meet you in the middle under that waterfall.
So yes, quit. “Get the hell out of Dodge”. Everyone is worth loving and I’m sure the love interest is a great person but you must put yourself first. Quit trying to make a fairy tale out of an instant. Appreciate the small memory that seemed effortless. Do not pass go, do not collect bad feelings or land into months of emotional jail. Some don’t deserve it and some were only meant to boost your spirit and give you a memory for a moment and nothing more.
So love. Don’t create parameters for it, that’s no fun and do give it all you’ve got. Any soul would be blessed in having you love them if I do say so myself. Don’t settle and don’t waste time on people not sure or ready to receive your love. Sometimes quitting isn’t so bad you see, in fact it’s downright freeing. I’m so blessed to know this and glad I can share it with you.
Photo: Flickr/Katie Tegtmeyer
Originally appeared at Carmen M Colon