You have friends who only show up when you’re struggling. When you’re doing well? They’re silent. But the moment things fall apart. They’re right there. Supportive. Present. Engaged like they never left. Then you recover. And they disappear again.
I have a friend like this. Haven’t heard from her in months. I got bad news last week. She texted immediately. “Are you okay? What can I do?” Genuinely helpful. Really present. Then things got better… and guess what? She vanished. I guess it’s radio silence until the next crisis, Mel.
Here’s the pattern: Some people need you to be struggling to feel needed. The psychology? Helping people in crisis makes them feel valuable. Important. Needed. Your stability doesn’t give them that. Your struggle does.
These aren’t necessarily bad people. It’s actually the opposite. They genuinely care. But they only know how to connect through rescue. They don’t know how to celebrate. Only console.
The cost is, you start unconsciously sharing only struggles with these people. Because that’s what gets their attention. You hide the wins. Amplify the problems. That’s not manipulation. Just learned behavior. Look, in my opinion? Real friends show up for your wins AND your losses. Celebrate AND console. But it’s totally alright if you’ve got a savior complex…
One Thing to Be Grateful For Today
Geographic Freedom
You can pack up and start over. New city, new country, new horizon. You aren’t locked into one chapter’s scenery.
Human history is defined by migration, but for our ancestors, leaving usually meant a perilous, permanent exile from everything they loved. They moved for survival, severing ties forever.
Today, moving can be an act of self-discovery. You can shift time zones, reinvent yourself, and still stay connected to your roots. We have the luxury to leave a place that no longer serves us without losing our world entirely. If where you are isn’t working, you can choose somewhere else. I say, that’s a beautiful, modern privilege.
Two people see the same situation completely differently.
Not because the situation’s ambiguous. Because they’re seeing it through their own lens.
Anaïs Nin put it best, “We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”
Your perspective is filtered through you.
Remember that in every argument. Every judgment.
Have a great day.
—
Previously Published HERE
FAQs – About The Good Men Project
What is The Good Men Project?
The Good Men Project is a mission-driven media platform founded in 2010 that explores modern masculinity, men’s mental health, relationships, fatherhood, identity, and social change through personal stories, expert insights, and cultural analysis.
What is The Good Men Project’s mission?
Our mission is to expand the conversation about what it means to be a good man in the 21st century — in ways that are inclusive, emotionally honest, and grounded in real human experience.
Why does The Good Men Project focus on masculinity?
Because masculinity shapes how men show up in relationships, families, workplaces, and communities. Examining it thoughtfully helps reduce harm, challenge stereotypes, and create healthier outcomes for everyone.
Is The Good Men Project inclusive?
Yes. GMP is committed to inclusive, progressive perspectives that challenge sexism, racism, homophobia, and narrow gender roles. We believe expanding masculinity benefits people of all genders.
How long has The Good Men Project been around?
The Good Men Project was founded in 2010 and has published continuously for over 15 years, making it one of the longest-running platforms dedicated to modern masculinity and men’s issues.
iStock image
