The Bristlecone Project is an awareness campaign of 1in6.org. Photographs and text by David Lisak, Ph.D.
Moments after Tom had been cruelly molested by his parish priest, at the age of thirteen, he was lying in a bed in the rectory. He was split from his body, looking down at himself, lying in a fetal position in the bed, crying in pain and in terror. “I’m looking at me. I’m looking at Tommy and saying, “It’s okay Tommy. It’s not your fault. You didn’t ask for this.”
To the adult Tom, the source of that wise intervention remains a mystery. It took decades for Tom to accept the wisdom, but accept it he did. Despite the self-doubts that tormented him into adulthood, Tom and his wife, Elaine, have nurtured a lasting marriage and raised two beautiful children into adulthood.
Tom grew up in the embrace of the Catholic Church, priests and nuns scattered among his relatives. Even in the aftermath of the sexual abuse, the church remained a pillar of his life. He enrolled in a seminary and prepared himself for the priesthood.
But the church betrayed him. Repeatedly.
While at the seminary Tom disclosed what he had suffered as a child. The message he received: “No good could ever come of this if you tell anyone.”
Tom would hear those words repeatedly, from a diocesan psychologist and from bishops whose primary concern was protecting their institution rather than their parishioners.
For more than two decades, Tom beseeched and exhorted the church to do the right thing. To no avail. And so, in 2016 Tom contacted the Pennsylvania Attorney General’s office. In contrast to the church, they responded to his email in minutes and they treated him with respect. Soon Tom found himself testifying to a Grand Jury.
The journey and the questions are not over. Among them: How does a man engage with his spirituality after he has been betrayed by the institution that was supposed to be his spiritual home?
For men who have experienced sexual abuse or assault, free and anonymous online support is available 24/7 at 1in6.org/helpline.
Originally posted on 1in6.org
—
Join The Good Men Project Community.
“Here’s the thing about The Good Men Project. We are trying to create big, sweeping, societal changes—–overturn stereotypes, eliminate racism, sexism, homophobia, be a positive force for good for things like education reform and the environment. And we’re also giving individuals the tools they need to make individual change—-with their own relationships, with the way they parent, with their ability to be more conscious, more mindful, and more insightful. For some people, that could get overwhelming. But for those of us here at The Good Men Project, it is not overwhelming. It is simply something we do—–every day. We do it with teamwork, with compassion, with an understanding of systems and how they work, and with shared insights from a diversity of viewpoints.” —– Lisa Hickey, Publisher of The Good Men Project and CEO of Good Men Media Inc.
The $50 Platinum Level is an ALL-ACCESS PASS—join as many of our new Social Interest Groups, calls about life in the 21st century, and classes (writing, platform building, leadership, social change) as you want for the entire year. The $25 Gold Level gives you access to any ONE Social Interest Group and ONE Class–and other benefits listed below the form. Or…for $12, join as a Bronze Member and support our mission.
Register New Account
*Payment is by PayPal.
Please note: If you are already a writer/contributor at The Good Men Project, log in here before registering. (Request new password if needed).
◊♦◊
ANNUAL PLATINUM membership ($50 per year) includes:
1. AN ALL ACCESS PASS — Join ANY and ALL of our weekly calls, Social Interest Groups, classes, workshops and private Facebook groups. We have at least one group phone call or online class every day of the week.
2. See the website with no ads when logged in!
3. PLATINUM MEMBER commenting badge and listing on our “Friends of The Good Men Project” page.
***
ANNUAL GOLD membership ($25 per year) includes all the benefits above — but only ONE Weekly Social Interest Group and ONE class.
***
ANNUAL BRONZE membership ($12 per year) is great if you are not ready to join the full conversation but want to support our mission anyway. You’ll still get a BRONZE commenting badge, a listing on our Friends page, and you can pop into any of our weekly Friday Calls with the Publisher when you have time. This is for people who believe—like we do—that this conversation about men and changing roles and goodness in the 21st century is one of the most important conversations you can have today.
♦◊♦
We have pioneered the largest worldwide conversation about what it means to be a good man in the 21st century. Your support of our work is inspiring and invaluable.
◊♦◊