Top 5 Things to Keep Your Marriage Thriving

Okay, so let’s be real, all the movies created around marriage led us to believe that if you find “the right one,” then you will live happily ever after. However, the reality is that living happily ever after requires some hard work, and happily is not a guarantee.

For the majority of the population, no one has any idea of what marriage is about or how it should look. So often, people just repeat what they have seen or what they have been told. For many, these tactics are temporary and do not align with what changes in relationships over time.

Relationships are fluid and have to move through the changes of life. If you wish to control every ounce of your relationship, your happily ever after will continue to feel like a fantasy.

Communicate Feelings & Needs

A person’s feelings change daily. Emotions and feelings are how someone understands themselves. When you understand your feelings, you can understand your needs. It is important to communicate needs and feelings with a partner in a way that is direct and with clarity. If you are not clear on these two things, your communication will come off as more of a complaint. When you communicate directly, the other person can process the information and work to not internalize it or take it personally. Communicating needs and feelings with your partner should come without blame.

“You made me feel…” “You never want to…” rather “I am feeling distant from you and I would like for us to spend 2 hours together on…”

Be Intimate

Intimacy does not mean sex. The true definition relates to it as a sense of closeness, private or togetherness. Sex is an act of intimacy, as well as holding hands, embracing in long hugs, or showering together. Intimacy is vital to a relationship growing through seasons. Find ways to be intimate regularly with one another to avoid falling into a roommate situation. Connection and attraction grow through all 5 senses regardless of your gender. So yes, you have to put effort into all 5 senses and make sure there is intention behind being intimate with your partner. You must understand their emotional needs in order to tap into their intimate needs.

Sex is important to a relationship but so are many other initmate actions.

Date each other

Go on a date, and do it often. The truth is, you do not have to go far. After a family dinner, plan an outside patio chat to check in with each other’s day. If you plan a night out, allow for intimate conversations or even laughter; not everything needs to be serious. Work on making time to sit facing each other while together. Eye contact is a part of intimacy and allows for the opportunity to be vulnerable with one another. Dress for the occasion, I am pretty sure your partner did not meet you in a pair of baggy sweatpants and mismatched socks. Dress as if you want them to notice every inch of your body (men and women).

Remember the 5 senses of intimacy, date nights are a great foundation.

Try New Things

Okay, so date nights should not always be about fancy dinners and movies. Try new things together, like a comedy show or a music night. If you both have never done something, then do it together. The best way to experience your partner is when you both have each other to lean on, doing something new. Find some experiences you both have been wanting to try, take a cooking class, a dance class, or even something adventurous. If you are crunched for time or on a budget, then trying something at home can be just as good. Cook dinner together, try and create a full meal from an online recipe. Go to the local park and feed ducks, or take a bike ride.

Trying new things with your partner opens up a new door of vulnerability.

Laugh Together

This is a non-negotiable. Some say food is the way to a person’s heart, but not everyone is a Hell’s Kitchen Chef, so if that were true, happily ever after would never happen. Laughter lowers cortisol levels, which means you are less stressed when you laugh the most. So laugh often and laugh always. You and your partner spent many months laughing before you married, so why stop? Life is already so serious, and making daily decisions can cause high stress levels. If you both work, eight hours of your day are spent making pretty important decisions regularly. Laughing at home with your partner is one of the best remedies for a stressful work day. If you are parents, then find a way before you close your eyes to make the other one laugh.

Remember, laughter releases endorphins the “feel good” chemicals, the best way to transition into the act of intimacy.

Marriage is not easy; it takes a hell of a lot of work. So, try everything and talk often. The only way to figure out if you are going to find your happily ever after is if you understand how to find it in the first place. Work on yourself, get help when you need it, leave other people’s opinions out of your decision-making, and always remember why you chose the other person.