“Every man has a father, it’s just where is that father? — Dr. Vibe
Dr. Donald Morton is an award-winning social entrepreneur known for his innovative social solutions. His latest solution is expressed as the CEO of the ReManned Project, Inc., where he helps Black men break the vicious cycle of missed potential so they transform every area of their lives. Dr. Morton is the former executive director of the Complexities of Color Coalition. As executive director of the Coalition, he worked to congregate Wilmington’s African-American community in order to create a comprehensive strategy to influence institutions, policies, and laws. Morton has over 25 years of experience in African American community leadership.
Recently, Dr. Morton was on our show. During our conversation, Dr. Morton talked about:
- The story behind the ReManned Project and why it is important
- The reason behind his passion to help Black men
- Growing up in a dysfunctional family including his father passing away before his parents were going to reconcile and how he overcame this situation
- The negative impact on him as a young boy of his father’s physical absence, emotional absence, eternal absence
- Going to a therapist for three years and how it improved his life
- A special letter from his dad to him
- His love for his mother and his mother caring for him when he had prostate cancer
- The only two men he can love and trust
- Black men and leadership past, present, and future
- The effect of the feminist movement on Black men and leadership
- The major thing that is robbing many Black men
- The Remanned Project and it came into existence for some of his wrong decisions in his past
- Three ways that men miss their potential
- The best age to expose men to positive influences
- Where many Black men are getting their leadership from
- 2020’s impact on Black men and Black fathers
- His message about Black men to non-melanated people, to Black people, to Black women, and to Black men
You can contact Dr. Morton via https://theremannedproject.wixsite.com/website-1
Watch the full-length video:
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Listen to the audio-only version:
Transcript provided by YouTube (unedited)
01:27
what is up everybody it’s dr
01:29
vibe here host and producer of the
01:31
award-winning doctor vibe show
01:33
the home of epic conversations i’m the
01:35
host of epic conversations
01:37
two-time canadian ethnic media
01:39
association award award winner
01:41
2020 best podcast news event
01:44
2018 innovation award and i host the
01:48
only
01:49
monthly online broadcast for fathers and
01:51
men
01:52
that is sponsored by dove men care and
01:54
it’s also co-sponsored by
01:57
dad central canada’s national fatherhood
01:59
organization as always i’d like to say
02:00
you’re blessed
02:01
highly favored a magnet for miracles and
02:03
a solution for someone’s problem
02:05
and we’re getting to the end of the year
02:07
we’re broadcasting live on the 29th of
02:09
december
02:10
but as i said on my promo for this don’t
02:12
matter what day
02:13
don’t matter what year we are bringing
02:15
it to the best of our abilities and for
02:17
you around the world so we’re saying
02:20
that
02:21
2020 we say it’s been a challenging year
02:23
for many people but let’s make sure we
02:25
do the best to add light to each other’s
02:27
lives
02:28
in the upcoming year if you know
02:29
anything about the dr vibe show i always
02:31
like to bring in new friends
02:33
but then i also like to bring some
02:36
veterans but this gentleman’s a veteran
02:38
from
02:38
way back but he hasn’t been on for a
02:40
minute but let me just share a little
02:41
bit about
02:42
who we have sharing with us tonight dr
02:43
donald morton he’s an award-winning
02:46
social entrepreneur known for his
02:47
innovative social solutions
02:49
his latest solution is expressed as ceo
02:52
of the remand project
02:53
incorporate where he helps black men
02:55
break the vicious cycle
02:56
of missed potential so they transform
02:59
every area of their lives
03:01
he is a former executive director of the
03:03
complexities of
03:04
color coalition as the executive of that
03:06
organization he worked to congregate
03:08
wilmington delaware’s
03:10
african-american community in order to
03:12
create a comprehensive strategy
03:14
to influence institutions policies and
03:16
laws
03:17
he has over 25 years of experience in
03:20
african-american community leadership
03:22
so let us bring on i usually say with
03:24
new people for the first time but not
03:26
the last time but
03:27
first time in a while dr donald morton
03:30
what is up dr martin
03:33
uh listen uh what what i can’t tell you
03:36
how excited i am to be
03:38
with you um just the relationship that
03:41
we’ve shared over the course of
03:44
the years and such an honor to be a part
03:47
of a conversation with you tonight well
03:50
i’m looking forward to it has been
03:51
some people where we come from say a
03:53
minute but it’s been an hour
03:56
since we’ve been together but i’m gonna
03:58
pop quiz you
03:59
do you remember the month and the year
04:02
when you were first on this program
04:04
i i do not man
04:09
i’m 51 now so
04:12
come on now come on down my head not my
04:15
heart man hold on a second
04:17
what has that been and when was that age
04:19
ain’t nothing but a number dr morton
04:21
i’m gonna tell you you were on for the
04:24
first time
04:26
with a lady really
04:30
let’s see if you remember who well let’s
04:32
take a guess if you know who that lady
04:34
would be
04:35
in fact you should be able to because
04:36
it’s someone that both you and i know
04:39
really yeah man it’s going to stump me
04:43
okay should i give you a hint or should
04:44
i tell you straight just tell me
04:46
straight
04:47
a dub elisa
04:50
that’s my girl so oh
04:54
wow you’ll kill me man
04:58
no that’s why i’m gonna not make sure
05:00
she doesn’t find out but back in
05:01
november 2013.
05:04
wow over 70 years ago my brother
05:08
amazing man absolutely amazing wow and
05:12
so
05:13
she is one of my dearest friends and and
05:16
quite honestly
05:17
uh we have recently reconnected as well
05:20
yes i’m excited uh i’m excited to hear
05:23
that that makes my heart smile
05:25
yes and for those a dub to dr moyn and
05:28
myself is a lisa word
05:30
if you want someone who you need
05:33
emotional intelligence with that’s it
05:37
and i’m saying men and women
05:40
whatever you wherever you are in your
05:42
emotional intelligence if you need to
05:44
amplify it she’s the person enough said
05:47
absolutely without question man enough
05:49
said remind me of that that’s exciting
05:52
absolutely and we want to shout out to
05:53
another one of i guess your new
05:55
uh tribe nicole waldron is on with us
05:59
watching live tonight and
06:00
i know you’ve had some conversations
06:02
with her the um the clubhouse app
06:04
absolutely so so i want to say welcome
06:07
to her
06:08
and those conversations have been simply
06:10
amazing so i’m looking forward to more
06:12
of that with her
06:13
absolutely well we read a short little
06:15
buy about yourself
06:16
let’s get some background where did you
06:18
grow up what was early donald like
06:20
before he became
06:21
the powerful donald yeah
06:24
thank you for that man listen i’m i’m in
06:27
wilmington delaware
06:28
uh wilmington delaware is the home of
06:31
the next president
06:32
of the united states yes yes you’re
06:35
right
06:36
uh and i often say that dr vive because
06:39
delaware is such a small state uh yet
06:43
is postured and really positioned to
06:45
make significant
06:46
impact across across this country and so
06:50
i’m excited about that we are well
06:52
positioned on the east coast
06:54
we can really reach uh new york
06:58
washington dc jersey uh
07:01
maryland we can reach all of those
07:03
places within about a two hour
07:05
drive and so uh i’ve been here all of my
07:09
life
07:09
all 51 years i’ve been here i love you
07:12
wow
07:14
yeah homegrown i’m homegrown
07:17
i’ve never lived anywhere else uh other
07:20
than delaware
07:21
i’m not so sure that i’ll spend the rest
07:22
of my life here
07:24
but delaware has treated me really
07:26
really well um
07:28
i grew up in ministry i pastored for 25
07:32
years
07:33
um and uh recently retired from
07:36
pastoring
07:38
uh so that i could officially start the
07:40
remand
07:41
project because uh 51
07:46
of my church that i pastored last were
07:48
men
07:49
uh and that is unheard of in prayer
07:53
purposes right in the black church 85 to
07:56
90 percent of the church
07:58
as it stands are women and so we were
08:01
successful in being able to attract men
08:03
we were really intentional about being
08:05
able to attract men
08:07
because i see a tremendous deficit
08:11
with our nation’s service to brothers
08:14
and so uh the remand project is born
08:18
out of uh a need to see men
08:21
step up and step into uh a
08:24
leadership role with regard to
08:26
themselves their families and our
08:28
overall society
08:29
and the data is clear dr vibe if
08:32
men don’t step into that space then
08:36
social ill does not decline and so
08:39
ultimately my goal is to transform an
08:41
entire culture
08:42
i just do it one man at a time wonderful
08:46
number of conversation pieces here
08:50
where where do you remember
08:53
getting this passion where did the
08:55
passion initially start
08:57
to help black men yeah so that’s a very
09:01
good question
09:02
um you know i grew up in
09:05
what i now know to be a really
09:07
dysfunctional family
09:09
um my father and my mother uh
09:12
were in a marriage my father
09:16
um was physically present for the first
09:19
nine or ten years of my life but
09:21
emotionally absent
09:24
right and uh then he and my mother
09:27
decided they were going to separate they
09:29
never divorced but they did separate
09:32
and uh he moved all the way to long
09:35
beach california
09:36
right across we’re straight across the
09:39
nation right so you know
09:40
imagine a nine year old’s mind
09:43
uh who thinks that not only did he move
09:47
but he moved as far away from me as he
09:49
possibly could before he would have to
09:51
go
09:52
internationally right so he moves
09:54
physically away from me
09:56
uh a a week before my mother and father
10:00
decide to reconcile they decide to
10:04
reconcile in a week before my father is
10:06
to come home
10:07
dr vibe he dies and so
10:11
um i experienced
10:14
my father’s emotional absence i
10:16
experienced my father’s
10:18
physical absence and then i experienced
10:21
my father’s eternal absence
10:23
and the impact of that on a young boy
10:26
who’s trying to figure out how to
10:28
navigate
10:29
society as a young man without
10:32
uh the tools necessary to do that and
10:35
now
10:36
without the man necessary to do that
10:39
was incredibly impactful uh in a
10:42
negative way and so
10:43
uh it didn’t many of those things dr
10:46
vibe didn’t show up until much later
10:48
in my life uh the impact of his absence
10:51
didn’t show up
10:52
until much later in my life and so once
10:55
i saw
10:55
how his absence impacted me in all three
10:58
phases
11:00
i began to kind of research if that was
11:03
happening to me
11:04
how was that impacting other men across
11:07
the country
11:08
and uh what i noticed is that men were
11:11
being negatively impacted
11:13
based on this fatherhood and manhood
11:15
issue
11:17
in droves and incredibly large numbers
11:20
and i
11:20
felt it necessary for someone to have a
11:23
voice like yourself
11:25
to do the work of restoring men
11:28
uh in our society and i’ve been doing
11:31
that work ever since
11:33
fantastic story we need like three hours
11:35
but we only have a short amount of time
11:37
here so
11:38
i’m gonna i wanna stay a little bit
11:39
about your youth
11:42
how did you overcome
11:47
yeah so another great question that’s
11:49
why you’re the goat right you’re the
11:50
greatest
11:52
um humbled you know
11:55
for for for me um
11:59
i didn’t until much later in life
12:02
because i didn’t even identify
12:04
the things that had happened to me until
12:06
much later in life
12:07
you got to remember i thought that what
12:09
was taking place in my life the
12:11
dysfunction of my family an
12:13
alcoholic father he died of chronic
12:16
alcoholism
12:17
watching my parents physically fight my
12:20
mom
12:20
throw my dad through a glass window and
12:23
then call the cops on my dad and my dad
12:25
get arrested
12:27
watching uh my sister who has who is a
12:30
champion
12:31
because she has uh two decades clean
12:34
now uh but was a functioning addict for
12:38
a period of time so so i grew up in
12:41
dysfunction but thought that my
12:43
dysfunction
12:44
was normal yes and it wasn’t until later
12:46
on that i
12:47
recognized that everybody didn’t live
12:50
like this that there was a better way of
12:52
living
12:53
and recognizing that a great
12:57
responsibility in that dysfunction and
12:59
perhaps
13:00
in uh not navigating us outside of that
13:04
dysfunction
13:05
rest in my father’s lap and i didn’t
13:07
know whether or not
13:08
it was just easier to blame him because
13:11
he wasn’t there or whether dad approved
13:14
the fact that when a man is absent
13:16
either by
13:17
physically being absent or
13:19
malfunctioning even though he’s present
13:22
that there was something to be said
13:24
about the importance
13:25
of showing up as a man and so as a
13:28
little boy
13:29
i didn’t overcome and it wasn’t until i
13:32
went to therapy
13:33
dr vibe which is another thing that
13:35
black men need to embrace
13:37
right i went to therapy and my therapist
13:40
began to ask a series of questions that
13:43
made at least me
13:44
think about the ways in which i was
13:47
showing up in society
13:48
uh the divorces that i had had um
13:52
uh even though i was raising my children
13:54
i was doing real well at that
13:56
uh i was not showing up in relationships
13:59
well
14:00
and so i had a deep dive in a counseling
14:03
session that lasted three years
14:05
one long profession i tried to figure
14:09
out what was going on
14:10
with donald morton and it’s that
14:13
internal work that i did
14:15
that helped me to both identify and to
14:18
overcome the challenges
14:20
of my seven to nine year old self that
14:23
was still holding a lot of resentment
14:25
uh with both my mother and my father my
14:28
father for dying
14:29
my mom for putting my dad out all of
14:32
those things showed up
14:33
in very very uh traumatic ways in my
14:36
life
14:36
and affected every relationship that i
14:39
had
14:40
is your mother still with us my mother
14:43
is still with
14:44
us um and we have had some really really
14:46
good conversations
14:48
in my adulthood because i feel a little
14:51
more comfortable and courageous talking
14:52
with her as an adult male
14:54
than i did as a little boy and so uh she
14:58
is a phenomenal phenomenal gift to me
15:01
but let’s understand that there are some
15:02
things that my mother simply could not
15:05
give me
15:05
that my my that my father was designed
15:08
to give me
15:09
uh he just wasn’t around emotionally
15:12
physically
15:12
any now eternally to be able to give me
15:15
those things
15:15
i i do want to acknowledge though dr
15:18
vibe that my father
15:20
i i don’t know whether he had a
15:21
premonition that he was going to die or
15:23
what
15:24
but he wrote a letter to me that my
15:26
grandmother gave to me
15:28
after he had passed the letter said
15:31
please tell my son i loved him
15:34
i just didn’t know how to father him and
15:37
it wasn’t until later on that i found
15:39
out dr
15:40
vibe that my dad never met his father
15:43
there you go my grandmother didn’t know
15:46
who his father was
15:47
she refused to tell him and i got an
15:51
opportunity to meet my grandfather my
15:53
father’s father before he died
15:56
but my dad never got an opportunity
15:59
uh to to meet him and left this world
16:02
without a sense of identity
16:04
and it’s another part of the reason why
16:07
i do the work that i do
16:09
you know it just brings up the phrase
16:10
that i use more and more now that every
16:12
father has a father the question is
16:14
where is that father
16:15
absolutely right and there is a i’m sure
16:18
you would agree i’ve heard you say this
16:20
before there is a dad-sized hole
16:23
inside of every young man’s soul that
16:25
cannot be replaced by
16:27
surrogates and while i celebrate all of
16:30
the
16:31
mentoring organizations big brothers big
16:34
sisters other mentoring organizations
16:36
there is still a cry for the natural and
16:40
biological father that cannot be
16:42
quenched
16:43
until that natural biological father is
16:45
embraced
16:46
and so uh again that’s the reason why i
16:48
do the work i do
16:51
what what
16:54
legacy is your mother
16:58
living with you right now what do you
17:00
carry on
17:02
with what she has done for you over your
17:04
51 years
17:06
yeah good question man my mother is a
17:09
is a jewel and i think uh one of the
17:12
things that
17:14
both she and i recognize
17:18
now is the value
17:21
of understanding her own limitations
17:25
uh she often says son if i could do it
17:28
all over again i would do it differently
17:30
if i could do it all over again i would
17:32
have stayed with your dad i would have
17:33
tried to work it out
17:35
um i would have helped him a little more
17:39
understand what it meant to be a father
17:42
been a little more patient
17:44
and so my mom is a natural nurturer she
17:47
is one who walks in a tremendous
17:50
amount of love and if there is something
17:53
that my mom
17:54
leaves with me it is this unconditional
17:58
um radical
18:01
relentless love uh can you can you give
18:05
me an example
18:06
during your journey with her of that
18:08
yeah
18:09
so um early on um
18:14
woo man always cry dr vibe all right
18:17
it’s all right it’s all right it’s all
18:20
right man
18:20
because it’s a crisis 2014
18:25
um i had cancer and
18:29
i had prostate cancer and
18:33
i actually recovered
18:37
in my mother’s living room
18:41
with a in a hospital bed that she had
18:45
brought to her home simply
18:48
so that i could recover and it was
18:51
you know it was a long period of time
18:54
uh that it took that she put her life on
18:57
hold
18:59
uh just to make sure that she nursed me
19:01
back to help
19:03
she worked every day he helped
19:06
me um and this this may be
19:10
a little extra for people to hear but
19:13
she
19:13
she helped me to drain urine bags
19:16
she took care of stitches um
19:20
she she prayed with me and
19:23
was there for me and miss service for me
19:27
um just to make sure that her son
19:31
was taken care of to handle uh the
19:34
recovery period
19:36
and i recently dr vibe i talked with my
19:39
mom and i said to her i said precious
19:42
thank you precious i love how you say
19:44
that
19:48
i love that i love that
19:51
thank you for you know spending that
19:55
time helping me to recover from
19:57
cancer um and she says
20:00
she says son that’s what mothers do i
20:02
said no not every mother does
20:04
everybody
20:08
uh the fact that i would not have made
20:11
it through
20:12
that very difficult time dr vibe
20:16
without my mom punish me i’m alive
20:20
today because of obamacare
20:23
uh because they found the they
20:27
they found the cancer um
20:31
the immediate visit after i got health
20:33
insurance
20:35
they found the answer right after i got
20:37
health insurance my first doctor’s visit
20:39
they found the cancer and then my mom
20:42
nursed me back to health so i owed those
20:45
two
20:45
for and i obviously god i owe them
20:49
for my life today wow well we could
20:52
spend forever on your mother but i’m
20:54
gonna
20:55
switch it up a little bit and start
20:56
going down the manhood journey
20:59
uh nicole is saying please let your mom
21:01
know that her love is uplifting i i’m
21:02
sure he does every day
21:05
every day oh absolutely who
21:08
was the first man i don’t this is
21:12
two words can be in the same phrase so
21:14
i’ll ask him together and maybe ask
21:16
them separately okay who was the first
21:18
man
21:19
in your journey that you could love and
21:21
trust or was it
21:23
separate the man you met first you could
21:25
trust and the man you could first
21:27
love or care about yeah so i have to
21:32
the the not not even not even the first
21:36
man
21:38
the only man okay
21:41
that i have that has had that level of
21:45
impact dr vibe with me is dr michael
21:49
aaron freeman uh he is my spiritual
21:52
father he is a mentor to me and has
21:54
literally
21:55
obviously because i i lost my dad so
21:57
early he has been
21:59
a father to me um
22:02
and has been incredibly loving
22:06
to me but also very very challenging to
22:08
me he doesn’t
22:10
he doesn’t put up with foolishness uh
22:12
and we’ll
22:13
we’ll talk about that later i’ve been
22:15
caught up in some things that i’m not
22:17
proud of
22:18
and when i was uh he loved me back to
22:21
health but he also challenged me
22:24
uh to face the things that i had done
22:26
and he
22:27
he said it like this face it like a man
22:31
and it it’s it’s it’s those words that
22:34
transformed
22:35
my life um so so
22:38
he has he has he was the first and only
22:41
man that i had that depth of
22:42
relationship with
22:44
still today even after
22:47
um you know i had a falling out with him
22:50
he never had a falling out with me
22:52
i left him and he would still contact me
22:55
say hey man you good we good [ __ ] and
22:57
i’m like no we’re not good
23:00
love for me was relentless he never he
23:02
just never gave up
23:04
and i appreciate that because sometimes
23:06
you need a love to save you
23:08
from yourself and he he did that i do
23:11
have to also acknowledge
23:13
dr alvin turner who is my therapist even
23:16
today he’s retired
23:18
but i still have access to him because
23:21
there was a time dr vibe
23:23
where i was in such a low and dark place
23:27
that i i had my gun on the very desk
23:30
that i’m sitting before today
23:33
and i was ready to end it all and though
23:35
i had enough wherewithal to contact him
23:40
and tell him what i was about to do and
23:42
he talked me off the ledge
23:44
and said anytime you’re feeling that way
23:47
please here’s my personal number i don’t
23:49
care what time it is
23:51
contact me so those two men
23:54
have been uh the apex of love
23:57
in my life and are responsible for me
24:00
being
24:01
the restored man that i am today what
24:04
would your life be without both of them
24:07
i wouldn’t be here there there is no
24:09
there is no life
24:10
uh without either of them dr turner
24:14
uh literally saves my life from me
24:17
taking my own life
24:18
and dr mike freeman is responsible for
24:23
me having life and life more abundantly
24:27
right so the ability to
24:30
recover to be restored to face the
24:34
challenges my indiscretions the lack of
24:36
integrity that i once had
24:38
and to now show up uh whole and healed
24:42
is the full work of dr michael
24:45
aaron freeman and so i wouldn’t not only
24:48
would i not be here
24:50
physically and alive i wouldn’t have the
24:53
opportunity to show up and do the work
24:55
that i’m doing without
24:57
uh without both of those men of the
25:00
hundreds if not thousands of black men
25:03
that you’ve had communication with
25:05
what percentage of them do you think
25:07
have two men like that in their lives
25:11
uh maybe on the high end five percent
25:15
uh we we we don’t
25:20
we don’t have in large numbers
25:24
black men in any spaces
25:27
right so when we talk about therapy i
25:30
was in a
25:31
in a room talking about this last night
25:34
there are not a lot of black male
25:36
therapists
25:37
talking about educators there are not a
25:39
lot of black male
25:40
educators yeah we we find ourselves in
25:44
overwhelming numbers in in sports and
25:47
athletics which is good
25:49
we find ourselves in artists as
25:52
artists in industry that’s good um
25:56
but we’re not we’re not in homes as
25:59
as much as we should be um
26:02
and so our children are being impacted
26:05
and so
26:06
we’re not seeing ourselves in the places
26:08
that genuinely matter
26:10
and so i think we need to do a better
26:12
job
26:15
i know before we went live you wanted to
26:17
talk about
26:18
black men and leadership and i think
26:20
it’s a beautiful segue what you just
26:22
said and
26:24
i want to take a look at it from a past
26:26
perspective
26:27
a present perspective and a future
26:29
perspective yes
26:30
so let’s look at the past black minute
26:34
and leadership in the past was there any
26:38
was well and if there was what form of
26:41
that leadership did it show
26:44
yeah yeah um there was
26:48
um even even if we were to go back to
26:51
when we were brought to the shores of
26:53
this country
26:54
right um one of the first
26:57
responsibilities to keep us
27:00
enslaved um is to separate us from our
27:04
role
27:05
as leaders of family so black men
27:08
are removed and
27:11
and then we codify that later on through
27:15
vicious policies that only make
27:18
available
27:19
help from the federal government uh to
27:22
moms if dad is not around right
27:26
so we go to the 60s where there was
27:29
uh dr martin king right where there was
27:32
ralph
27:33
abernathy where there was malcolm x
27:36
uh strong black men who were committed
27:39
to family
27:40
uh both flawed but committed to family
27:43
and committed to community into the
27:45
advancement of our people and our
27:47
culture
27:48
so there has always been a
27:50
representation
27:52
of black men in leadership positions
27:55
um and i think we have to recover that
27:59
um so so historically
28:02
we’ve we’ve done uh i think a good job
28:06
at showing up in leadership positions i
28:09
think it began to erode
28:11
uh for reasons that i’m sure we’ll talk
28:14
about
28:15
well let’s get to those reasons why do
28:17
you think
28:18
that started to erode in the journey
28:22
yeah so i am not a fan of the feminist
28:25
movement
28:25
in its current form um i think
28:29
that there should have always been
28:31
equality with sisters i i don’t i’m not
28:34
one of those guys who thinks
28:36
a woman should walk uh three paces
28:38
behind me
28:39
i’m a guy who believes that there is
28:41
equality in being
28:43
there may be a little uh different in
28:46
function
28:47
right and so i think the feminist
28:50
movement had
28:51
um some some good elements to it in that
28:55
it fought
28:56
for equality in spaces where
28:59
it was male dom where there were spaces
29:02
that were male dominated
29:03
but we have the propensity as a society
29:06
to be extremists
29:07
right we extreme we we swing the
29:09
pendulum from one side to the next
29:12
and we do so in extremes without finding
29:15
a way to hold center
29:17
and so now what we have is a society who
29:21
believes that there is no value whether
29:24
or not
29:25
a man shows up in family and society or
29:27
not
29:28
a society thinks it has found a way to
29:31
survive
29:31
without a uniquely masculine and male
29:34
contribution
29:35
and what we are finding out is that has
29:38
not worked and it will never work
29:40
there is a unique contribution that you
29:42
and i bring to the table and other men
29:44
like us bring to the table
29:46
that cannot be duplicated by anyone
29:49
else it is it is uniquely ours and so i
29:52
think
29:53
uh that movements like the feminist
29:56
movement
29:57
um that has been that
30:00
that our black women our black sisters
30:02
have kind of
30:03
adopted in forms that are toxic i think
30:06
to our community uh
30:08
so so when you hear men talk about uh
30:10
the fact that we need to step back
30:12
into roles that are uniquely created for
30:14
us i know that there are people who
30:16
don’t necessarily believe in that and
30:17
that’s cool
30:18
uh but but i think that there is a value
30:21
that men bring to the table
30:22
and men no longer feel valued our
30:25
society doesn’t necessarily
30:27
uh express value towards men and so
30:31
i think what we’re finding now is the
30:33
pathology
30:34
that happens when the absence of men
30:36
take place
30:37
and the pathogeny that that simply means
30:40
sick men produce produce sick societies
30:44
right
30:45
so if we can’t fix what’s happening with
30:47
men
30:48
then we’ll continue to see a society
30:50
that
30:51
is sick as a result of a bunch of sick
30:54
brothers
30:56
you know as you are sharing there i i a
30:58
statement came to my head and i’d love
30:59
to get your thought on it and
31:01
from a black american male lens do you
31:04
think
31:05
american history has ever given the
31:07
opportunity
31:09
for the black family with a black male
31:12
head
31:13
to thrive no that’s such a good point uh
31:18
and one that i’ve not necessarily
31:19
thought about dr vive
31:21
i don’t think that again to go back to
31:24
1619 jamestown right
31:27
there has always been an assault
31:31
on the black family and the way that we
31:34
assault the black family
31:36
is that you attack it from the head and
31:39
um and now there’s even this idea
31:44
and fight against what we have redefined
31:46
as patriarchy right so everybody talks
31:49
about
31:49
down with patriarchy patriarchy simply
31:52
means in its simplest form
31:53
a male-led household so when we develop
31:57
uh these tools against a male-led
32:00
household in an effort to kind of create
32:04
this family that should not have roles
32:07
or or anything like that i think we’re
32:09
falling into the very structure that was
32:13
designed to
32:14
disrupt and destroy the black family
32:16
from the very very beginning
32:18
so no there there hasn’t been a welcomed
32:22
um participatory nature
32:25
of our society around codifying and
32:28
and protecting the black family and
32:30
that’s why i think we have to do it
32:33
we can’t expect anyone else to do it we
32:35
have to do it
32:36
and we have to stop thinking that
32:38
everything good
32:41
is the result of you know
32:44
uh a white construct i don’t i don’t buy
32:47
that
32:48
a man being at home with his wife and
32:50
children is not a white construct
32:52
it’s a right construct right and so
32:55
we’ve got to get back
32:56
to doing what is what is right and in
32:58
the best interest of our families
33:01
and ultimately that impacts society at
33:03
large
33:04
okay so we we’ve looked at it at a
33:07
historical perspective and i know that
33:10
you’re dealing you not say dealing
33:11
you’re mentoring helping
33:13
helping men move forward what are you
33:16
seeing on the landscape today when it
33:18
comes to black men and leadership and
33:20
just a little disclaimer dr morton just
33:22
came off on our session
33:24
with black men so i’m glad he can talk
33:26
about this because
33:27
he’s he heard it and he can share some
33:29
of that perspective during that
33:31
conversation to what we’re talking about
33:33
today here’s
33:34
here’s the the brilliance of your segway
33:37
dr vine
33:39
one guy who
33:42
showed up tonight
33:45
said to me said to all of the brothers
33:51
i have never been challenged
33:54
to understand to know
33:58
um my purpose at all he said i
34:01
exist i exist from every from day to day
34:05
uh
34:06
and whatever comes that day without any
34:08
sense of direction or planning i just
34:10
exist
34:11
and i think i don’t think that he’s an
34:13
anomaly i think that he
34:15
kind of represents where many men are
34:18
and that is without any sense of
34:20
directing sense of plan
34:22
any goals um
34:25
uh i talk often about the fact that our
34:28
sisters are
34:29
seeing tremendous growth they invest in
34:32
themselves our our sisters
34:35
are uh growing particularly as it
34:38
relates to education
34:40
in ways that are beyond any demographic
34:44
our sisters are killing the game as it
34:47
relates to that
34:48
right and our brothers are targeted
34:51
in such a way that they are not showing
34:53
up in the same way
34:54
so uh so a part of what we did tonight
34:57
is just to get them to think about
35:00
what their noble goals are right what is
35:02
their purpose
35:03
and then back up and develop a a plan of
35:06
action that is consistent with the
35:08
reasons for which they’re here on the
35:10
planet
35:11
and there is such a a breakdown
35:14
in that that even if they were to set
35:18
goals
35:19
uh instead of playing it is often
35:21
incongruent
35:23
with who they are and what they’re
35:25
called to do and to be
35:26
and so that’s not sustainable so many
35:29
men
35:30
are not showing up because nobody’s
35:31
trained them nobody’s brought out of
35:33
them
35:35
those necessary elements to help them to
35:36
show up as
35:38
men of families and men of society so
35:41
um i want to interrupt that pattern to
35:44
break those cycles
35:45
so that men begin to show up far more
35:47
powerfully well a few things i wish i
35:49
would have been in that room
35:50
unfortunately i had something to do but
35:52
i was asked
35:53
two questions to the men there
35:57
yeah the first question i would have
35:58
asked them is
36:00
what would you do if you couldn’t fail
36:05
yeah yeah what would you do if you
36:08
couldn’t
36:08
fail and in fact again brilliant
36:11
brilliant quote
36:13
because in fact when asked he was on the
36:16
hot seat
36:16
where we kind of uh talked about his
36:19
plan
36:20
um and shot holes in his plan to help
36:23
him to understand the obstacles that are
36:25
going to come
36:26
with his plan how to navigate those
36:28
things and one of one of the guys
36:30
asked him uh almost a similar question
36:34
like a why why why wouldn’t you do this
36:37
now and he says i i’ve not thought about
36:40
doing it now because i’m afraid
36:43
i’m afraid and i’ve been afraid so he
36:46
said
36:46
it took all the courage that i could
36:48
muster
36:49
even to get to the call tonight so
36:53
we got guys who are experiencing
36:55
tremendous fears
36:57
uh different kinds of fears but fears
37:00
nonetheless
37:01
dr joy de gru in her book post-traumatic
37:04
slave syndrome talks about the fact that
37:06
men
37:07
are bankrupt internally right it’s not
37:10
that we have
37:11
low self-esteem she argues we have no
37:13
self-esteem
37:14
that we’re bankrupt and and a part of
37:17
the a part of the things that we have to
37:19
do is to recover
37:20
a man’s sense of self-concept so that he
37:23
shows up differently
37:25
and is ready to do the work but but that
37:27
part of it dr vibe has been the most
37:30
difficult part
37:31
of getting men just to have a sense of
37:34
identity
37:35
before they can go through the rest of
37:36
the process that
37:38
the remand project offers what are some
37:41
of the things that are rob
37:43
from your lens are robbing black men
37:47
right now
37:48
i think the major thing that’s robbing
37:50
black men is
37:52
um is a lack of self-concept
37:55
they don’t know who they are and they
37:57
don’t know how powerful
37:58
they are right uh it’s not until they
38:01
overcome certain things some of them
38:04
are simply powerful because they’re
38:06
surviving
38:07
in urban spaces watching friends of
38:10
theirs
38:10
every single day be killed uh
38:14
watching families go hungry right and
38:17
they’re surviving every single day
38:19
they’re doing what they got to do with
38:21
at least what they feel like they’ve got
38:22
to do
38:23
and they’ve overcome or at least been
38:25
able to manage the trauma that comes
38:28
with being in an urban space every
38:29
single day
38:30
if i can simply get them to embrace the
38:34
fact that they are bigger
38:36
and more powerful than the ways that in
38:38
which they’ve been showing up
38:40
then they’ll step into the rest of the
38:42
process
38:43
the remain project has a six stage
38:46
process
38:47
and the longest part of that process is
38:50
always the spirituality and inner
38:52
strength part that deals with purpose
38:54
self-concept forgiveness
38:56
all of those things that are necessary
38:58
for a man to be able to engage the rest
39:00
of the process
39:01
if he doesn’t deal with those things up
39:04
front
39:05
then he he won’t survive the rest of the
39:07
process and he won’t survive in life
39:09
very very long so i think it’s the
39:11
self-concept
39:12
issue that we that we need to address uh
39:15
more funky and forthrightly
39:17
i would also mention i would have also
39:20
had two other things to say to that man
39:22
first of all
39:23
what’s the one thing you want to achieve
39:27
not the millions what’s the one thing
39:32
and also when he told me that i would
39:34
say
39:35
if you don’t do it how are you going to
39:38
feel
39:38
yeah absolutely man i think those are
39:41
great questions
39:42
um you’ll probably gotta make sure i get
39:45
on to the next call
39:46
maybe i gotta apply for the re-man
39:47
project okay
39:49
yeah yeah yeah and i’ll probably have
39:52
you come on as a guest at any time
39:59
and i’m going to tell the brothers up
40:00
front i’m not here for you to like me
40:02
i’m here to help you and sometimes
40:04
help ain’t fun but you’re going to value
40:08
it in the end
40:09
and and that’s one of the things that we
40:10
teach them up front uh
40:12
even when they’re applying to be a part
40:14
of the remand project
40:16
we’re not here to make you feel warm and
40:18
fuzzy we’re here
40:19
so that you get results in your life um
40:22
and while recognizing the trauma that
40:24
many of them are in
40:25
right so we recognize that and since we
40:28
know that that exists
40:29
we develop a pathway for them to be
40:31
successful
40:32
even though that stuff exists you know
40:34
i’d be remiss if i didn’t get that
40:36
chance for you to share about the
40:38
the story behind the remand project and
40:40
him how it came into existence
40:42
yeah uh dr vibe i um
40:46
i talk about this uh openly i talked
40:48
with
40:49
you a moment ago about the fact that my
40:52
dad told me to face something like a man
40:54
uh i was married
40:58
uh before i am married now but i was
41:00
married before
41:01
and i lost that marriage to infidelity
41:05
i was out of control and
41:09
so immature that i
41:12
looked for ways to blame her for the
41:15
issues that i was experiencing
41:17
and it was the issues that i was
41:19
experiencing i forever
41:22
um regret uh the ways in which i treated
41:26
her
41:27
uh and the infidelity with i was i was
41:30
unfaithful
41:32
with a single woman and i was unfaithful
41:35
with a married woman
41:36
i i was just out there wilding
41:39
and i did all of this dr vibe as a
41:41
preacher i did all of this as a pastor
41:44
right and so all of this came tumbling
41:46
down
41:48
um and what i recognized is
41:52
that men lack a couple of things
41:56
one is we lack the sense to take
41:59
responsibility
42:00
for the things that we do uh it was
42:03
easier for me to blame it on her
42:05
and to tell her that she was wrong um
42:09
instead of just owning the
42:10
responsibility for the stuff i had done
42:12
and so uh it was that and it was
42:16
it was an unwillingness
42:19
um to be mature about
42:23
uh how i was loving or not loving her
42:27
and you know the ways in which i was
42:29
showing up in in these other situations
42:31
that i was in so i had to take
42:33
ownership of that and because i
42:36
recognized that i was dealing with that
42:39
i could bet that there were a number of
42:42
men
42:42
dealing with the exact same thing there
42:45
are three ways in which a man misses
42:47
potential
42:48
dr vibe one is uh
42:51
he hits these performance ceilings that
42:54
are much
42:54
lower than how he should be or what he
42:58
should be accomplishing
43:00
secondly he hits performance walls
43:03
right that distract him and divert him
43:06
from reaching his fullest potential
43:08
usually that happens because something
43:09
happens that diverts him from his goals
43:12
and from his full potential and
43:15
there are guys who do reach
43:18
a level of success but are on
43:21
faulty performance foundations
43:25
and so they ultimately crumble right and
43:28
they’re not able to sustain
43:30
uh the stuff that the successes that
43:33
they’ve reached
43:34
so dr bob i gotta tell you i reached all
43:36
of them
43:37
i i had times where i didn’t i hit
43:39
performance ceilings i had times where i
43:41
hit performance walls
43:42
and i had major success and then had it
43:44
all crumbled because my foundation was
43:47
bad
43:48
dr henry cloud says that character
43:51
is the capacity to meet face and
43:54
overcome adverse realities character is
43:56
not just telling the truth
43:58
that’s a part of it character is the
44:00
ability to meet face and overcome
44:02
adverse reality so when i could develop
44:04
the capacity to manage the different
44:07
adversities that was
44:08
happening in my life then i had
44:10
character and
44:11
character is the essential component to
44:14
manhood
44:15
you are not a man if you cannot have if
44:18
you do not have character
44:19
that is as simple as i can put it so
44:21
what we teach men inside the remain
44:23
project
44:24
is how to develop a sense of character
44:26
so that they can
44:28
begin to show up more powerfully in
44:30
society
44:31
nice fantastic i’m gonna throw some
44:35
phrases to you and i want to hear how
44:37
you respond
44:39
one of my mentors and i mentioned this i
44:41
think in a room that you and i were in
44:42
the other night
44:44
glenn barker former head of mankind
44:46
project in chicago
44:48
boys make excuses men take
44:50
responsibility
44:52
yes sir i’m still smiling
44:56
falling off that quote and and it is it
44:59
is what we
45:00
teach but i’ve never heard it phrased
45:03
that way
45:04
but i can promise you that there will be
45:06
a slide
45:10
with that exact phrase well you know
45:13
what if i can coax them if you want i
45:15
could have glenn in for a session
45:16
but your men they have to be ready
45:20
because glenn is at oh he he does not
45:23
play like i mean i love him inside the
45:26
remain project
45:27
absolutely he does not play um another
45:30
person i had on my platform recently
45:32
lovely lady dr cassandra ballard
45:35
in the middle of her great thought
45:37
process
45:38
sharing about black men she said many
45:41
black men are devalued
45:44
absolutely without question uh and
45:47
and that’s a that that unfortunately now
45:51
is a societal issue
45:54
it used to be that black men were
45:57
devalued
45:59
by white men
46:02
right then it became that influence
46:06
entered the home and black men are now
46:09
devalued in their own homes
46:11
but now the danger is black men are
46:14
devalued by society at large
46:17
we’re not thought of as a
46:21
meaningful contributor to society
46:24
and what i love about uh the dr vibe
46:27
show and the work that you do
46:29
is helping all of us as a society
46:31
reimagine
46:32
what manhood what a black man looks like
46:35
because
46:36
there are some dope black men out here
46:38
absolutely
46:39
that don’t get to play right and so uh
46:43
yeah we’re we’re devaluing black men in
46:45
larger and larger
46:46
swaths of society now there’s phrase
46:50
many black men are screaming and
46:51
nothing’s coming out
46:53
yeah we cry in silence
46:56
and and and here here’s the deal while
46:59
nothing comes out
47:01
as a sound we express ourselves in
47:05
anger and in physical violence um
47:08
the there’s an african proverb that says
47:11
when a child is not embraced by the
47:14
village
47:15
he’ll burn it down to feel its warmth he
47:18
just needs attention
47:20
and the the village happens in a
47:22
microcosm
47:23
uh in the black family and then the
47:25
village happens in a
47:27
macrocosm uh in society at large both
47:30
the micro and the macro are being
47:34
burned down to feel it’s warm right
47:36
because both of those
47:38
institutions and and uh environments are
47:42
failing young black men
47:46
what how much of an impact and ice one
47:49
of the things i’ve really become
47:50
passionate over the last years is
47:52
a lack of intergenerational con
47:54
conversation
47:56
between black men am i wrong thinking
47:58
that
47:59
no you’re not wrong thinking of you’re
48:02
not wrong thinking that
48:03
and and i think that really has to
48:06
um begin to be at the forefront of the
48:09
conversation
48:10
the challenge with it is that we’re
48:14
again caught in this cycle right
48:17
uh where and and everyone wants to think
48:20
i have a different thought process but
48:22
everybody wants to think that
48:25
the way out of this cycle is to continue
48:27
to start over with young boys
48:29
i i don’t know that that i don’t i don’t
48:31
think we have time to do that
48:33
i think we’ve done that for decades now
48:36
we
48:36
lose a generation then we say let’s
48:38
start over with another generation we
48:39
lose that generation
48:41
we start over with another generation
48:42
the truth is
48:44
the sweet spot dr vibe
48:47
of change is going to be a man between
48:50
the
48:50
ages of 25 and 30 years old because at
48:53
25 and 30 years old his prefrontal
48:56
cortex
48:57
is fully developed he begins to make
48:59
different choices about
49:01
how he views his life and what he should
49:03
be doing with his life
49:05
which then if we can grab him at that
49:08
moment teach him a sense of
49:09
responsibility
49:10
and character he’ll go back and he’ll
49:14
he’ll start to raise his son and he’ll
49:16
go to his father
49:18
and develop that relationship right uh
49:21
between him and his dad that perhaps has
49:23
been absent
49:24
the the fulcrum the fulcrum
49:27
of change is a black man between 25 and
49:31
30 years old
49:32
because he’s young enough um
49:35
to still impact he’s old enough to still
49:37
impact his child
49:38
he’s young enough to get his dad back
49:40
involved to forgive his dad for not
49:42
being there
49:43
he is the answer so for me
49:47
uh everybody talks to me and said donald
49:49
you’re starting too late with men at 25
49:51
years old i said no i’m starting right
49:53
on time
49:54
right because he is the x factor in
49:57
being able to reach
49:58
both generations uh and bring them to
50:01
the table so that we interrupt this
50:03
cycle that we’re in
50:05
i agree with that because that’s one of
50:07
the key i think there’s
50:08
two key points in a man’s life
50:12
that what you said right there he’s not
50:15
a boy anymore
50:16
that’s right but he’s not a man yeah
50:18
right
50:19
that’s right that’s right manhood is
50:22
manhood is not both you and i know that
50:25
manhood is not
50:26
age right uh it is scientifically proven
50:29
though
50:30
that there’s a certain point at 25 years
50:32
old that
50:33
something happens up here it clicks uh
50:36
where a young man begins to say
50:38
you know what this stuff i’m doing is
50:40
corny
50:41
it’s it’s it’s right i want to do
50:44
something different with my life i want
50:46
to
50:46
raise my son differently my daughter
50:48
differently he begins to think
50:50
differently
50:50
and so what we do inside the remain
50:52
project is give him the tools necessary
50:55
for him to navigate his own life his own
50:57
journey
50:58
and that happens in uh six distinct
51:01
stages right
51:03
uh that is spirituality inner strength
51:05
is responsibility and self stewardship
51:08
is ethics and values maturity and growth
51:10
authenticity and transparency nobility
51:13
and excellence
51:14
those are the stages that we take a man
51:16
through
51:17
every six months so that he understands
51:21
if he masters those different stages he
51:24
can now be called a man
51:26
when he enters the remand project he is
51:28
he is
51:29
stripped of the title of a man we call
51:31
him a male
51:32
we don’t call him a man until he earns
51:36
the title of manhood and i think we’ve
51:38
got to get back to those rights of
51:40
passage right that
51:41
give us a sense of honor to carry the
51:44
title
51:45
uh man or mister
51:48
absolutely i love the rights of passage
51:51
aspect i think that’s very very
51:52
important we have lost that
51:54
yes absolutely we have of earning it
51:58
right yeah earnings earning it working
52:01
doing the work and you know what where
52:04
we got that where at least we
52:05
i got it from i’ve been in the united
52:08
states military i went into the marine
52:10
corps first dr vibe
52:11
and they kicked me out because i
52:13
couldn’t pass swim qual
52:15
so i came out and a month later yeah i
52:18
came out man a month later
52:20
went to the united states army and when
52:22
i went to the army there was a guy by
52:24
the name of vincent matthews
52:26
vincent matthews was a cue he was an
52:28
omega guy
52:30
there was a guy in the platoon that
52:32
called himself q
52:34
and he would walk around throwing up
52:35
hooks barking
52:37
like a cue and vincent uh got drunk one
52:40
night
52:42
and as the guy called himself q
52:45
some questions that q couldn’t answer
52:49
and vincent matthews beat that man
52:53
like i ain’t never seen a man get beat
52:56
we pull this off and we’re like oh my
52:59
goodness what’s wrong
53:00
with you he said hey morton
53:04
do you know the hell i had to go through
53:07
to be a cue so here’s a guy
53:10
who’s doing all the symbols but he don’t
53:13
have a substance
53:14
he didn’t do he didn’t go through the
53:16
stuff i went through so
53:18
so he said he doesn’t have a right to
53:21
call him
53:21
something that he hasn’t earned to your
53:23
point yes
53:25
it’s the same thing for me with manhood
53:27
i went through hell
53:29
failures and challenges and having to
53:32
face
53:32
adversity and having to face my own
53:35
stuff
53:36
that i had done wrong my right i had to
53:38
face moral failures and being knocked
53:41
off of a high horse i had to face all of
53:42
that to be called a man
53:44
and here are guys who haven’t gone
53:47
through anything they’re still laying on
53:48
their mom’s couch still being taken care
53:50
of by their girlfriends
53:52
and they want to be called a man nah i’m
53:54
a man not for me
53:56
you got to earn that title right and so
53:58
for us inside the remain project one of
54:01
the brothers said this dr vive
54:03
he said dr morgan you can have dr just
54:06
let me be called mr
54:08
if i can earn mister then i’m fully
54:11
satisfied
54:12
you can have all the degrees as long as
54:15
people respect me as a man
54:17
then i’m good that’s the kind of work
54:20
that i’m proud that we’re doing inside
54:22
the remain project
54:23
and 83 of the men that come through the
54:26
remand project that complete the process
54:29
83 of them are doing as well if not
54:31
better
54:32
a year later so those are enormously
54:35
powerful numbers that we’re seeing of
54:38
success
54:39
inside the remain project
54:42
great success fantastic
54:46
where are black men if they are getting
54:48
any leadership today where are they
54:50
getting it from
54:51
and is it from the right places no man
54:54
you know the answer to that you gotta
54:56
answer that question but you know the
54:58
answer to that they’re they’re getting
55:00
they’re getting that information from
55:03
barber shops they’re getting it from
55:05
from dads who haven’t hold on now okay
55:07
now there’s a very interesting point
55:09
because you and i see enough coverage
55:11
especially in the media
55:12
about the importance of barber shop yeah
55:15
black
55:16
men yes it’s the black man’s country
55:18
club right
55:19
yeah we we’ve heard that for years
55:23
and it is a sense of community it’s a
55:25
sense of connection it’s a sense of
55:27
culture
55:27
but it’s also a source of misinformation
55:31
because most of the guys that same thing
55:34
for the beauty salon right
55:35
uh everybody’s got a lot of a lot of
55:38
faith i would relate to giving
55:40
advice but the advice is horrible advice
55:45
horrible advice and so when you and i
55:48
show up
55:49
and we start telling them things that
55:51
they should do
55:53
like my man um be patient with your wife
55:57
uh and i’ve had my own struggles excuse
56:00
me with patience so when i tell a guy be
56:02
patient with your wife
56:04
you’re like man i’ll just find somebody
56:05
else i ain’t got to put up with that i’m
56:07
like my man no
56:08
you do you won’t do
56:11
it it’s not you just you know going on
56:14
to the next one
56:16
no it’s not like the recycling bin right
56:18
right
56:20
right so those are the kinds of
56:23
discussions that are happening inside
56:24
the barber shop
56:26
and nobody’s entering that space and
56:28
challenging and
56:29
checking black men to show up
56:31
differently and so
56:33
that that’s a part again of the work
56:35
that i do i interrupt those patterns i’m
56:37
a disrupter
56:38
i come to disrupt thought processes that
56:42
have not served us well
56:43
even when we think we are winning we’re
56:45
not winning
56:47
we’re not winning right so so when 80
56:50
of the people in urban spaces are led by
56:53
sing families are led by single moms
56:55
we’re not winning
56:56
and somebody’s got to tell us that so
56:58
that we don’t have this false sense of
57:00
reality that we’re doing better than we
57:02
actually are
57:05
this has been a very unique year
57:09
yeah how’s that how has it from your
57:12
lens impacted black man
57:15
if we were smart dr vibe during this
57:17
time man
57:18
um we
57:23
get an opportunity we should have had an
57:25
opportunity to self-reflect
57:28
um we should have took this time that
57:30
all of us have prayed for right lord
57:32
give me more time i just
57:33
i just need some time to myself he gave
57:36
us this huge universal time out
57:38
and we didn’t know what to do with it
57:41
i think black men took this time
57:46
and some of them are worse off because
57:48
they didn’t do the work during this time
57:50
but i’ve also seen some guys that took
57:53
the time to do some self-reflection
57:56
and ask themselves some questions
57:59
that they were either afraid to ask
58:01
themselves prior to
58:03
or didn’t know to ask themselves prior
58:06
to
58:06
there’s something that happens about
58:08
identity i don’t want to make this a
58:10
preaching session dr vibe but there’s a
58:12
scripture
58:13
where the bible says and jacob was left
58:15
alone
58:16
this is one of the most powerful
58:18
scriptures there is jacob was left alone
58:20
and when he was left alone
58:22
uh he wrestled with an angel about his
58:24
own identity
58:25
says who who who are you he said i’m
58:28
jacob he said you’ll no longer be called
58:29
jacob
58:30
he wrestled with him about identity i
58:32
think what black men were able to
58:34
accomplish some
58:36
were at least able to wrestle about
58:38
their own identity who am i
58:40
what am i really about um and
58:43
some of that some of them that did the
58:45
work uh
58:46
turned out better some of them that
58:48
refused to do the work are going into
58:50
a 2021 without having done that work
58:53
and i got news for everybody 2021
58:56
doesn’t become better because january 1
58:58
hits
58:59
you will have the same year that you
59:02
just have
59:03
if you don’t have a new you a new you
59:06
produces a new year
59:08
if you don’t have a new you you’re gonna
59:09
have the same year you just had in 2020
59:12
because this virus this covet thing
59:14
doesn’t change overnight
59:15
we still got dark days ahead and
59:18
depending on
59:19
whether or not a man has prepared
59:21
himself for it
59:22
um took and taking advantage of the time
59:24
to prepare himself for
59:26
will depend on will be you know kind of
59:29
show up in 2021 and
59:32
kind of give reference to that well i’m
59:34
gonna wind down because i know you’ve
59:36
had a bit of a long day
59:38
and i’m also gonna make sure it is in
59:40
seven years till you come back again
59:46
so don’t worry i’m going to be calling
59:48
you out on this platform many times and
59:50
again
59:50
i’ll make myself available any time for
59:52
the reman project
59:54
had a incredible conversation
59:58
uh last week with the germany d chanson
60:00
berry
60:01
a prolific independent producer he’s
60:03
produced uh
60:05
dark girls one dark girls two and had a
60:08
deep session and one of the things he
60:11
said and i’d like to get your thoughts
60:13
on it he’s saying especially for black
60:14
men he said
60:16
man what would black many black men’s
60:18
lives be
60:19
if they could just stop surviving and
60:22
just start
60:23
living yeah um
60:26
believe it or not uh dr vibe i’ve asked
60:29
myself that same question
60:32
one of the dangers of trauma is that
60:35
you become satisfied with surviving
60:39
that becomes your new normal you don’t
60:41
you don’t see a life beyond
60:43
survival so we were never
60:46
called to survive we were called to
60:50
thrive
60:51
to have life in abundance through the
60:53
fall till it overflows
60:55
and what we would see
60:59
is a far more fulfilled
61:03
man family and society at large
61:06
we teach men an internal locus of
61:09
control
61:10
that their trajectory of life is owned
61:13
by them
61:14
it’s not owned by any external factor
61:16
it’s owned by them
61:18
and so if we would take ownership of our
61:21
lives
61:23
stop celebrate the fact that we’ve
61:25
survived yes
61:26
but now since we’ve survived we ought to
61:29
go ahead and live i
61:30
love i love that point we ought to go
61:32
ahead and live and enjoy the rest of our
61:34
lives
61:35
because if we don’t take that posture
61:38
there’s
61:38
there’s a magnetic nature to survival
61:41
that’ll continue to pull you towards it
61:43
and you’ll never ever realize
61:47
uh that there was so much more that this
61:49
world had to offer
61:50
if you simply got beyond the whole
61:53
survival stage
61:59
multiplayer it’s one question but for
62:01
different communities
62:02
so i would like to have you share your
62:05
message
62:06
about black men first of all to
62:09
non-melanated people
62:12
yeah so we’re we’re to to non-melanated
62:15
people
62:16
um we are i would ask
62:21
that non-melanated people bracket when
62:24
coming to
62:25
into spaces of melanated people what
62:28
that simply means
62:30
is can you suspend bracketing is a
62:33
sociological term can you suspend
62:36
your preconceived ideas about a black
62:39
man
62:40
and give him an opportunity to show up
62:43
in a way that you can make an accurate
62:45
judgment call with
62:47
uh i work with men that are former gang
62:50
bangers i work with some that are
62:52
current gang bangers
62:54
and you know what i found out dr vibe i
62:56
found out that these guys
62:58
are men and many of them are gentle men
63:01
loving men or just in an environment
63:04
that we have to tackle
63:06
so i would ask non-melanated people to
63:09
bracket
63:10
and to suspend preconceived ideas and
63:13
give
63:13
a man an individual chance to show up as
63:16
himself
63:16
and then you make a judgment call about
63:18
a relationship with him
63:21
okay next three will be about for black
63:23
people first of all
63:25
black people in general what is your
63:27
message
63:28
about black to them about black men so
63:31
the the message to black people in
63:33
general is a return
63:36
to the norms of a healthy culture
63:39
right that that men are a significant
63:44
part of our
63:47
restoration if there is to be any of our
63:50
communities
63:51
and our families um you cannot do it
63:54
without black men
63:56
black men the data says that every
63:59
social ill
64:01
can be found in the absence of a black
64:04
man
64:05
suicide rises dropout rates rise
64:09
uh mass incarceration rises whenever a
64:12
black man
64:13
is not in the household so while there
64:15
has been an attempt to do it without us
64:18
to do it in ways that ignore us
64:22
uh what the data continues to prove is
64:25
we are an indispensable part
64:29
of our social health and our societal
64:31
fabric
64:32
that can no longer be ignored if you
64:34
want to heal our society
64:36
you got to start with black men
64:39
second last group black women what’s the
64:42
message
64:44
the message message to black women is
64:46
twofold one is
64:47
thank you for being patient with us
64:51
thank you for holding it down while
64:53
we’re we were trying to figure it out
64:56
thank you for not giving up on us and
64:58
thank you for providing us
65:00
safe spaces to come out of the trauma
65:03
that we’ve been in uh don’t give up on
65:06
us
65:07
we’re going we’re in in larger and
65:09
larger numbers
65:11
beginning to identify uh how to show up
65:14
more powerfully to be protectors and
65:16
providers of our families
65:18
and so thank you for holding it down it
65:21
won’t be long now
65:23
okay and finally black men
65:27
brothers we have a responsibility of
65:29
responsibility
65:30
to show up differently um it’s no longer
65:34
the system we can’t continue to place
65:38
all of our ills and woes on
65:42
a system that we already know is not
65:44
designed
65:45
for our success the question isn’t
65:48
uh whether or not there is a system that
65:51
is designed against us
65:52
the question is since we know that’s the
65:54
case
65:56
how will you decide to navigate that and
65:59
still be successful
66:00
in the face of that adversity because
66:03
that’s what true and genuine character
66:05
is
66:06
my man it’s the ability to meet face and
66:09
overcome
66:10
adverse realities on your journey to
66:12
success
66:13
impediments are a part of the journey
66:16
your ability to navigate
66:18
them will suggest a winning formula for
66:21
you to be the kind of man
66:22
that you need to be your family needs
66:24
you to be and ultimately our society
66:26
needs you to be
66:29
check mark we done dr martin
66:33
again an honest pleasure if people want
66:35
to touch
66:36
base with you how can they do that they
66:38
can hit me
66:39
uh at realdon morton that’s
66:42
all of my social media platforms they’re
66:44
at real don morton
66:46
including clubhouse yeah
66:50
this man is is dominating clubhouse he
66:52
ain’t giving me a chance to breathe to
66:54
do anything
66:55
you’re dominating clubhouse no no no no
66:58
i i’m working on something but not
67:00
i’m i’m just watching and listening and
67:03
i’m gonna make my
67:04
my my landing soon on clubhouse but uh
67:08
this this is the real home of the dr
67:09
vibe show clubhouse is one thing but
67:11
this is this is this is my home and
67:14
clubhouse will be part of the
67:15
part of the auxiliary i love it i love
67:18
it thank you man for
67:19
for having me on and always a pleasure
67:22
you always have a home here whenever you
67:24
want to come on and
67:25
as i said i’m always available to uh
67:28
come on and and share
67:29
with a remand project and i even have
67:31
some guests like i said the glenn
67:33
barkers and the
67:34
dr cassandra bolars who will are
67:36
fantastic
67:38
outstanding people that would be more
67:40
than happy to share and
67:42
amplify the black men around the world
67:44
perfect i’ll make sure i take you up on
67:46
that
67:47
absolutely it’s dr vibe here i’m the
67:49
host and producer of the award-winning
67:50
doctor vibe show
67:52
the home of epic conversations i’m the
67:53
host of epic conversations two-time
67:56
canadian ethnic media association award
67:58
winner
67:59
2020. i won for the best podcasting news
68:01
award
68:02
2018 innovation award i also once a
68:05
month host the only online broadcast
68:08
in the world for fathers and dads that
68:11
is sponsored by dove men care
68:13
it is also co-sponsored by dad central
68:16
canada’s national fatherhood
68:18
organization like to thank everyone who
68:20
watched live on the replay
68:22
like to thank bia media for the
68:23
excellent production and i’ll close out
68:25
with this
68:26
live your life as a dream if you can
68:27
dream it you can make it
68:29
sometimes you have to get smaller get
68:31
stronger block assumptions the name
68:33
bigger and better aim higher
68:35
aim wider and remember remember to give
68:38
yourself grace
68:40
also love faith
68:43
and respect we’re
68:46
broadcasting live on the 29th if we
68:48
don’t see you we wish you the best and
68:51
favor
68:52
in 2021 and just work on being a little
68:56
bit better each day and just focus
68:58
on one thing you want to get
69:01
accomplished during the year
69:03
god bless peace be well keep the faith
69:05
and walk with
69:06
walk good good night everybody
69:20
[Music]
69:32
do
69:36
[Music]
70:00
you
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