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This is not intended to be a political commentary. Many scholars and political pundits and journalists have spent hours upon hours delving into the current political climate. Making a direct political statement is not my intent.
Over the last few weeks, like so many of us do when a new year rolls around, I had the opportunity to sit for a few minutes and think about what has transpired over the last 12 months. What did 2017 bring for me and my family? How do I feel I have grown as a person, as a father, as a husband? As I watched the coverage of the women’s marches taking place in Chicago and LA, and even here in St. Petersburg, I couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of spirit and hope, a spirit I don’t recall feeling much in 2017. As I sat and thought about the year in review, however, I began to count all the ways I have been blessed. What has this year brought me? What messages of positivity can I bring to the dinner table?
Over the last year, Donald Trump has afforded me the opportunity to have many long and important talks with my twelve-year-old son. Talks that I never imagined I would be having or need to be having. Talks that I shouldn’t have needed to have. As I sat this weekend, I recalled some of the talks that I had with my son, prompted by Donald Trump—not the president, the man.
Don’t Bully. I used to think that this statement went without being said. Throughout history, there has always been a bully, in every school, town, class, etc. Historically, presidents have always used the “bully pulpit” to influence voters, Congress, media, etc. It seems, however, that these days that the bullying has reached a new level, and this level is set at the top. Bullies are less concerned with subject matter, less concerned with inflicting physical damage, and more interested in psychological destruction. Social media has played a large role in this, as it creates yet another level of separation between the bully and the bullied. To my son, just be kind. It’s not important to always be right, or best, or smartest, or strong. But always be kind. I add to that, if you see someone being a bully, you must step in. Later in life, you may even write about how you wish you would have said something.
Always tell the truth. Don Miguel Ruiz made this one of his four agreements “Be impeccable with your word.” As a parent, it has been challenging watching the news each night, watching lie after lie become exposed. The president routinely says the opposite of what he has previously said, and if the White House doesn’t think that children are watching and paying attention to this, it is sorely mistaken. My children are both keenly aware that words matter. Truth matters. Many nights have been spent around the table talking about being honest and being true to yourself. I have Donald Trump to thank for this.
If you are caught lying, admit it, apologize, accept your punishment, and move on. People will forgive mistakes. People will respect someone who just admits that they were wrong. To my son – we all make mistakes. I make plenty of them (my wife will attest to this). It isn’t that you made a mistake, it’s how you react and respond. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr once said, “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” The problem with lying, I told my son, is that it then takes another lie to cover the first, and so on. Pretty soon, you forgot what you were lying about to begin with.
Know the difference between friend and foe, and love them equally. Musician Trevor Hall says, “Love all, serve all and create no sorrow.” You can keep your friends close and your enemies closer, as the saying goes, but know the difference.
You are no better than anyone else. This is a hard conversation to have. At first glance, it sounds like I was telling him he wasn’t special, which he certainly is. But as a human, we are no better or worse than others based on skin tone, sexual preference, gender, religion, economic class or (insert dividing feature here). Each of us is unique, and each has a right to be here, but just because you are (let’s use president as an example) president, doesn’t mean you are better than anyone else. I understand that I have privilege. Life is about using your skills to make the world better. Use your abilities, your uniqueness, to love all and serve all – and create no sorrow.
Don’t use social media as a tool to spread hatred. If all the other things are working, this doesn’t need to be said. My son doesn’t use social media yet, other than to watch YouTube videos of other people playing the video games that he also plays (something I still don’t quite understand – but maybe I’m old), but when he does, I want him to know that social media can either promote the social well-being of the world or tear it down. Always work at the former.
Don’t be mean. As a rule, I never thought I would have to explain to my son how the president’s words are hateful and bigoted and mean-spirited and rash and crass and wrong and sexist and racist and hurtful. Words can be hurtful. The president has millions upon millions of Twitter followers, some of which are actual humans. People listen to what he says, or tweets. Words are important. I go back to Don Miguel Ruiz’s “Be impeccable with your word.” I can’t say it any better than that.
As a parent, there are hundreds of conversations we have with our children. Who is doing what and where? How does that make you feel? Why haven’t you brushed your teeth? Where are your sister’s…you get the point. This year, I have had the privilege and obligation and opportunity to have some profound talks with my children about what it means to be a good human. So thank you, Donald J. Trump, for helping me to become a better father.
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