Michelle Obama once said, “We learned about honesty and integrity – that the truth matters… that you don’t take shortcuts or play by your own set of rules… and success doesn’t count unless you earn it fair and square.”
Trust is not to be taken lightly. When someone says they “Trust you” or the words, “I trust you to have my best interests at heart” that is a powerful statement and the meaning should never be lost on the person being endowed with the “trust” of another. When someone “trusts you” that is a profound statement, a statement of letting go, of handing you the proverbial “keys” to drive their soul bus. It gives the person you have put confidence in, the ability to guide and direct you.
Empathic and Highly Sensitive men are emotionally tenuous creatures. We are told by society to be one way, but truly we are another way and when you start coming into yourself you come to rely on the few people that you allow into your heart space. The people that really “know” you that you feel safe to be vulnerable with you have to trust them with your secrets. With your thoughts, some of which may leave you exposed in the wrong hands, others that may show the darkness that may reside at times in you.
Trust is defined as “A firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.” The Synonyms are: confidence, belief, faith, certainty, assurance, conviction, credence; reliance “good relationships are built on trust”
When I personally trust someone, several things happen in the relationship for me:
- I let go, and I let them in;
- I ensure that I open myself to helping them in their needs where humanly possible;
- I have faith in that what they say is what they mean. In my New York vernacular: “Your word is bond.”
- I leave room for the other person’s interpretation of their actions and ability to deliver on the mutual trust that has been offered (because people see things differently, so you have to manage expectations).
How do you manage Trust with people who are inherently imperfect, who don’t see (or don’t care) how their actions may hurt or affect others, or who has one definition of trust that only applies to them and their need and another definition for others?
For me, the spiritual direction works very well. The Bible says in Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” So for me, a belief in a higher power (God) relieves the pain of having to trust people, because if you keep all of your trust in people and that they will do the right thing? You will be sorely disappointed. It doesn’t make them bad people, it’s just that some don’t maintain your standard of trust, belief, faith and honor (Yes, honor is a huge component of trust).
With humans, you learn to trust over time. If someone is with you at your darkest moments, supports you in your decisions (good or bad) loves you unconditionally and doesn’t seek to change you or judge you, then maybe, just maybe that is someone you can learn to trust. Trust takes time, it takes effort to place yourself in another person’s shoes to do for them what they would do for themselves if they could. Trust is a key driver in the creation of relationships whether they are friend based or romantically inclined. Think of the power in this statement from a mother, “I trust you to watch my child.”
You need Trust to disrobe in front of someone. The metaphor is so clear. You trust someone at the point in the relationship where you both decide that there is enough safety between the two of you that you are comfortable being naked in front of each other. Trust works exactly like that. The “disrobing” is letting your guard down, it’s opening up with the truth of the matter and may be exhibiting some flaws in the process of unearthing who you really might be to another, to someone new who doesn’t know these “things” about you. You’re raw, exposed and vulnerable and hopefully, you are allowing someone into your “truth” who can manage the safekeeping of the jewels in your mental and emotional vault that won’t steal them, abuse them or mistreat them. That is what truth means to me.
When it comes to trust in romantic relationships two singers said it best. “In finding love, I think it’s important to be patient. In being in a relationship, I think it’s important, to be honest, to communicate, to respect and trust, and to strive to give more than you take,” (Singer-songwriter Kina Grannis) and “Truth is everybody is going to hurt you: you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for,” (The late great Bob Marley).
Trust is a gift. Trust is a gift to be given and to be received. It’s a gift at the core of the human experience and it can enhance your road in your life journey and it can teach you the raw truth of what being human really is about. But like most gifts, you can choose to cherish it or put it in the regifting pile or throw it in the trash. It’s yours to do with as you please whether you are the giftor or the giftee. In any event, Trust is life changing. A decision to trust can set your life in a spiral of great love or great damage. The beauty of Trust (as it is with all attributes) is that there is a choice. Even in cases of mistrust and deceit you can gain great lessons from it.
As for me? I only know one place where the trust is not questioned nor is it ever in doubt. “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me” Jesus Christ.
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