Type Is Just a Habit

We’re living in remarkable times where women are starting to wake up to a new understanding — that somewhere along the way, we were made to believe that simply having a partner was a reward.

Now we are realising…maybe we should be asking for more.

Looking back at the past 16 years of my life — 12 in a relationship, 4 single — I do question my own choices.

When I look at men now, especially the ones I used to call ‘’my type’’, I mainly see a project. And that’s not something I’m willing to take on anymore. Like many women out there, I’d rather be single.

And ‘’I’d rather’’ doesn’t mean that’s what I truly want deep down — it just means that if it comes to choosing again, I’ll try to skip my usual type.

I’ve always gone for the same look: dark hair, tall, maybe bit of beard.

But recently, something made me question everything I thought I knew about attraction.

After a long relationship with exactly that — tall, brown hair, beard — and being a wife, a cook, a cleaner, a lover and a 50% provider… I realised there has to be more to life than this.

Because let’s be honest — I’m exhausted.

The good thing is, with new awareness, I still believe in love. And maybe, somewhere along the way, a new kind of relationship.

Because no matter what people say, we’re not made to do life alone — it can feel too quiet, too empty.

But unlike before, the future belongs to unions of whole individuals — not partnerships where one person ends up carrying the other.

In a funny twist, my family has recently started trying to ‘’find me someone,’’ convinced my hormones could use a boost of endorphins.

And me being me — a Pisces and all — I’m not built for casual sex.

It feels a bit like giving a gourmet chef a microwave meal. Technically food… but not exactly satisfying.

So, for now, on my little quest to see if I can find someone who can truly meet me — ups and down, and everything in between — I’ll stick to running.

Apparently, my body can’t tell the difference between going for a run and falling in love… it’s just out here releasing endorphins like, ‘’same cardio, different story.’’

And maybe this time, I’m not choosing a type — I’m choosing how I want to feel.

With love

Patrycja

Writer and spiritual seeker. Embracing the wonder in healing, love and life. Storyteller on a journey of finding ‘’me’’ and who the real ‘’me’’ really is.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.