Fashion blogger Tillie Adelson joins Matthew Rozsa in writing about the different ways men and women experience Valentine’s Day.
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By Tillie Adelson and Matthew Rozsa
It isn’t uncommon for single women to receive encouraging missives when Valentine’s Day rolls around. In that vein, I posted the following musing earlier today on my fashion website My Stiletto Life:
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Granted, I use almost every other day as an excuse to treat myself (ha!), but the point is that you don’t have to be in a relationship to spread the love on Valentine’s Day and you most certainly don’t have to throw a pity party for yourself.
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It’s almost that day of the year: dreaded by single girls and heralded by couples from New York to San Francisco. Well I am here to have a chat with the single ladies out there: use Valentine’s Day as a day to enjoy and treat yourself! Granted, I use almost every other day as an excuse to treat myself (ha!), but the point is that you don’t have to be in a relationship to spread the love on Valentine’s Day and you most certainly don’t have to throw a pity party for yourself. Ok, if you want to gorge on ice cream and pizza while watching “He’s Just not that Into You” or “Pretty Woman,” that’s all good: do your thing, but do it because it’ll be fun and that is your treat to yourself. (I’m always interested in a night of pizza eating.)
Spoken like the single lady that I am (I’m taking numbers), I love treating myself and especially on Valentine’s Day! I get dressed up and take myself out for a glass of wine or maybe some shopping and a dessert. The best part about this holiday is that there are opportunities to add some campy pieces to your style (think heart purses, graphic prints, and bright reds and pinks). Treating yourself to a good time is the best way to spend this holiday and you never know whom you might meet along the way!
Having addressed the plight of the single lady on Valentine’s Day, I’m left with one question: What advice would I give to single men?
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My immediate Valentine’s Day advice for men is very similar to what I suggested for women: Find a way to enjoy the day, and treat yourself, without thinking about feeling validated by others. If that involves an activity which reminds you of your romantic plight, then go ahead, but only if that is what you would do in your leisure time anyway. If you feel the need to do something special for the holiday, then get together with friends, go out, or find some other way to have fun. The point is to find a way to enjoy the day, even celebrate it, without throwing a pity party for yourself.
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The male experience on Valentine’s Day is in some important ways very different from that of women
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That said, the male experience on Valentine’s Day is in some important ways very different from that of women. When I talked to my close friend Matthew Rozsa (who also writes for The Good Men Project) about Valentine’s Day, he observed that men face different pressures than women on Valentine’s Day. “Women are judged by relationships and men are judged by sex,” he explained. While women are judged based on whether they’re in a relationship, men are trained to believe their value stems from their sexual activity.” Just as women suffer a stigma when they focus more on sex than romance, so too are men scorned when they have active sex lives but want something more,” he offered. “This makes Valentine’s Day very tricky for single men; while both genders experience loneliness on that day if they’re single, men are usually told to stop whining.”
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While the emotional conditions surrounding male loneliness on Valentine’s Day aren’t the same as those which face women, however, the best advice for men in that situation is the same that applies to women: Either share the day with people you love in a non-romantic way or take advantage of the opportunity to enjoy your own company.
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