Keeping our relationships healthy and active requires a concerted effort from both parties involved. It is true to the letter that every relationship has its fair portion of clashes and misunderstandings which often leads to resentment, bitterness, hurt feelings, pains and sufferings of different degrees by one or both partners. Owing to the fact that both parties in a relationship are different and consequently have divergent views, concerns, dreams and aspirations, and these coupled with each other’s quirky personality differences can easily lead to offenses which most of the time might not be intentional.
If these conflicts or sticky misunderstandings are not resolved when they occur and are bottled up by one or both partners, they can very easily snowball into bigger problems for the relationship. While every relationship is different, they basically go through almost the same types of complications. Therefore an understanding of the reasons why most misunderstandings happen will be a very essential tool in fixing the current problems the relationship might be encountering and help prevent future conflicts from degenerating into more complex problems.
In an effort to look into ways through which we can help in saving our relationships, below are a few ways through which we achieve this and knowing them will in no small be of benefits in solving most of the common problems that can arise in a relationship.
Admitting and Identifying the Problem
If we feel that there are problems and misunderstandings in the relationship, then the first thing we should do when attempting to solve any other problem in life is to first admit that there is a problem. Without owning up there is a problem, there is no way we can go about solving it. If there is fighting and flaring of tempter every now and then, just pretending that everything is ok and that the problems will naturally go away will not be of any advantage to the relationship.
Disregarding these problems or pretending they do not exist will not help in solving them. It is very important to try and identify the real problems which are often much deeper at the root of the conflicts and get past the symptoms of the problems. The affairs in a relationship are mostly the symptoms of a problem with the relationship but the real problem may be the lack of intimacy in the relationship. Without diagnosing the real problem and fixing it, then there is the likelihood of a reoccurrence and a potential breakup.
Communicate your Needs to your Partner
Most couples too often assume that their partners just don’t care about their needs and wants failing to understand that their partners cannot read their mind, therefore, cannot know what it is that they are thinking. Therefore, both partners need to communicate their feelings and needs to each other. If we open up channels of effective communication in our relationships and the most important aspect of this being the act of listening, we will find it easier to let our partners know just what we want or our opinions on certain issues and then it would be easier for both parties to work through any difficulty.
Learn to Forgive and Forget
As the saying goes “to err is human, to forgive, divine”, couples should realize that offenses are bound to come in their relationship. When they come, the wronged partner must realize that forgiveness is the only way out for the relationship to survive and the offender must recognize his wrongdoing and apologize accordingly. Frankly speaking, when it comes to this issue, whose fault this or that is not the important issue but the ability to open up, apologize and just say those magic words “I’m sorry” with all sincerity is the most important thing. These words are powerful and can melt any heart when said wholeheartedly. Forgiveness helps to close the distance between couples.
Revitalize your Sex Life
If you want to make sure that your partner stays hooked to you, then you have to put in all you can to make sure that activities in the bedroom do not become boring and monotonous. This might involve you giving in to requests from your partner that centers on their fantasies; you may not want to but if they can be done, why not do them. While men need to be considerate of their partner’s emotions when it comes to sex, the women should understand that their men on an average have a higher sex drive and needs more of it than them and therefore they should ensure that they do not starve the men of it.
Rebuild and Maintain the Attraction
After settling down into a mutually exclusive relationship, we tend to start taking for granted the fact that it was the physical attraction or something spectacular about our significant other that attracted them to us. It is therefore very important that we do all we can to maintain that physical attractiveness.
Reconnect Emotionally with your Partner
A relationship needs frequent doses of romance to keep the embers of love burning brightly. Go back through memory lane and find something to use in rekindling that old spark. Start frequenting places that you used to visit and do the things you did together when the initial attraction was sparked and pretend to be these people all over again.
Let kissing, caressing and smooching return into your daily life. A single passionate kiss can miraculously melt the ice of the strongest anger and sadness. Those feelings you think are dead are still there only just been buried under the stress of everyday life and it is time to feel them once again.
Be Appreciative and Reciprocate Gestures
Everyone likes to be appreciated be it at work or in the home. When little things are done and they go unappreciated, the tendency is to stop doing them altogether. Therefore it is important that we are observant and pay compliments to our spouse even for the little insignificant things they do for us. Also, it is counterproductive when one partner keeps giving and never receiving in the relationship. This can be just compliments or other tangible things given to one partner without the other ever making an attempt to reciprocate the good gesture. There is only so much that a spouse can give without receiving something back in return. Giving of compliments should also be reciprocal. Be more polite, courteous and try to cultivate the habit of including “please” when making requests and saying “thank you” for tasks completed or favor done for you no matter how small they may be.
Seek Advice and Professional Counseling
Working through relationship problems on our own often gets us nowhere and thus it would be advisable to talk to and seek assistance from friends and family members. Different people can give you different angles on the problems and proffer solutions that might have worked for them or others they know that were once in your position. When these fail, expert and experienced advice can be gotten by enlisting the services of a professional relationship counselor to help in the reconciliation efforts.
A Breakup or Trial Separation
Absence, they say, makes the heart grow fonder and getting your spouse back after a breakup or resuscitating an ailing relationship may at times require some separation for the partners to heal and rediscover themselves. Most times when all else fails, it is important that spouses completely cut off contact for a while. Couples that initiate this separation and live their independent lives for a while, can easily rediscover each other, rekindle their attraction after realizing the importance of the relationship and restart a stronger and more balanced relationship together again.
With all that said, the reasons couples break up are endless but mostly are uncalled for. To save your relationship, you must however understand that most of the problems noticed on the surface are often just symptoms of more serious relationship and personal problems which can be fixed with the proper care and attention.
This post was previously published on Loving Relationship.
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