A Climate of inadequacy
We all strive to be exceptional. This is as we’re taught. We need to see ourselves as in constant pursuit of being better, doing better, and living better.
Yet, something happens in the process. We program our minds to exclude the others.
Who are the others?
The others, are any people — and organisms — in our weird, and often flawed, brain and social programming habits. We tag them as not as deserving as we are, and our continual tribalism instinct does the rest.
The result is that one group, males or whites, say, on the global stage, sees themselves as “better.” Better, of course is too direct and true, we prefer to see ourselves as having earned the rewards.
We constantly strive to be better while we hide our inadequacy at not being enough. Admitting this truth is a first step.
From the International to the household
Polarization is ripping the world apart. There are many reasons, many separations that we create. Yet, deep down inside we know that we do not deserve more than the others. In fact, in our deepest and unsettled folds of closed mind, we feel something is very off. We feel alienated.
Nationalism, for example, in its extreme pits one region against another. “We’re the greatest nation on Earth” we hear it so constantly that it becomes an unconscious, accepted truth, and not a thought-provoking one.
There is nothing wrong with being proud of your nation, but at the same time, look at how illogical this is. Every nation has a myriad of different people, times, places, policies, and much, much more.
The world is not one thing or another. The world is complex and interwoven.
One nation can have more human rights abuses than another, but even that is usually about a particular time, and a certain place. One nation can have a state mandated religion. This too, is transient and in constant flux.
If you look at Christianity, or Islam, among different regions, you quickly see that it is not one thing. It is many, many things. Many beliefs. Many practices. Many contradictions. The same is true of any of the roughly 15,000 faiths formerly dedicated to a host of many gods.
Socialist systems versus capitalist systems, also make no sense. Yes, there are certain characteristics we associate with either, or with other systems too, such as a monarchy, or an authoritarian regime. Yet, these are under constant flux, confusion, revision, and application.
So far in the history of our species, we have not produced a perfect system because all systems, like all people, need constant work.
Your household is in a similar state. You associate yourself with being aligned to certain values, ideas, beliefs, and practices. Yet, few people are satisfied with the answers we are given about just how perfect we really are.
Polarization and our devaluing of all of those who are destroying everything is universal. We need to look at why our psychology and sociology is set up this way.
A sustainable world
A world run on exploitation is finite and unsustainable. It’s pretty easy to blame oppressors, but pretty hard to see the oppressors as ourselves.
People, oppressed as being “less human” have never stopped reporting that oppression is wrong. And, let’s give ourselves some credit, over many millennia universal values have arrived at some core tenets of great merit.
We have accumulated a few wonderful values as humanity reviews our messy past.
Enslavement is wrong. Inequality based on gender or sex is wrong. Wiping out indigenous peoples and their culture is wrong. We can do better now.
But, too often, we stop at “We do better now,” and fail to examine all the areas where oppression, and consumption of others and resources is still very, very wrong.
Taking more than your share is wrong.
It violates the golden rule, and also basic economics and efficiency. It says that some deserve more than others. Think about this once a day, and continually reassess.
In the past, those running the show and making the policy never failed to benefit themselves first. Yet, in the long run, those benefits turn out to be temporary, resented, disputed, and again, very messy.
Think of our world resources as a coal mine. Coal provides fuel, warmth, and a way to make a living. But to get it requires that some labor in dangerous conditions while others grow rich, fat, content, and in charge. Meanwhile, the land is devastated, the landscape and wildlife suffer.
Finally, the unsustainable coal economy creates both bad air and bad atmosphere. For everyone.
Our psychology and sociology are set up to set ourselves apart. It is set up for the short time survival of the in-group at the expense of either exploiting, or vanquishing, the out-group.
Knowledge, truth, and critical thinking skills counteract these constant forces.
Make an effort to know things, to discuss them, to really reveal truth.
Let’s look more deeply at our own choices, our own universal belonging, and our own species — as a start.
Create your world
When the world looks at a never-been-tried model of equality and belonging, we create a whole new world. It forces us to examine the creativity, the attributes, the talents, and the contributions of those with new cultures, practices, gifts, and imagination.
That, however, is not enough.
It’s already a tall order to see others as equal to ourselves, but we have an even taller order we will have to fill if we are to thrive through the twenty-second century.
And, hopefully, to come out on the future side if we can do it.
That requirement is that we accept humanity itself as belonging to a greater whole. To enlarge the circle of our belonging to include the natural world that birthed us, and the air, water, food, wildlife, and inter-active systems that sustain us.
Sustainably.
Traditionally, the hierarchal order of things saw a remote God at the top, angels serving Him, Kings and priests as boss in the world, men over women, Supremacists over BIPOC, Empires over colonies, animals over plants, down to the tiniest microbe.
But it turns out that you and I are complex orders of microbes, systems of interactive air, water, soil, food and more. We are all ecosystems wholly inter-dependent upon other systems.
Make good trouble
This change of perspective is Copernican and Darwinian. It also displays that a few rebels, like Jesus Buddha, or Mohammed, had key insights which we promptly learned to ignore.
Exploitative types quickly realized every belief system could be utilized not for radical change and acceptance of compassion, or belonging, but for short term power, influence, and wealth.
So, you are not wrong if you think the greatest reformers and thinkers had wonderful ideas. You just haven’t always realized that they have been hijacked in almost every case.
Finding the thoughts that trouble you is important for self-reflection.
How do we stop being “better than others?”
As mentioned, knowing with humility that others, and even our world, tells us to constantly simply be best, is a daily conundrum. We compete when we should complement.
Know first of all, that we need self-compassion, and we need to find it through giving. This is not a contradiction. Giving of one’s self is what helps us see, and know, other beings.
We all psychologically benefit by finding belonging. It takes a great amount of courage and confidence to face rejection, and yet it also creates that courage and confidence — and most importantly, connection — all along the way.
Find a person, place, or being that needs your giving. You can give attention. You can give appreciation. You can share food, or resources. Or time. You can give — and exchange — a sense of awe, beauty, grace, and belonging.
Personally, I find butterflies are good teachers. Many insects are. Butterflies float and beautify even the flowers they help generate.
The world is a complex web of giving and receiving. We need to see ourselves not just as being entitled to it, but as creating it.
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This post was previously published on Medium.
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Photo credit: Karina Vorozheeva on Unsplash
